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Old 07-03-2017, 07:34 PM
 
60 posts, read 48,334 times
Reputation: 111

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Well, she felt there was nothing left to do, re: resolving the mystery, so she had to give up, I think, for her own equanimity. She'd taken the disappearance to heart, and had to try to put it behind her once she reached an impasse, I think. IIRC, she said she was done with the thread.
I see the trolls have been on this thread.

 
Old 07-03-2017, 08:11 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
15,096 posts, read 13,753,745 times
Reputation: 6453
Sorry this has happened to you OP. I've been ghosted too and it hurts a lot. Your actions were not unreasonable.
 
Old 07-03-2017, 08:41 PM
 
Location: New York Area
15,699 posts, read 6,191,139 times
Reputation: 12255
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJazzy View Post
I see the trolls have been on this thread.
I didn't troll you. And I said, when you left the thread, that maybe you had better things to do on a holiday weekend then play on CD.
 
Old 07-03-2017, 08:49 PM
 
60 posts, read 48,334 times
Reputation: 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovemycomputer90 View Post
Sorry this has happened to you OP. I've been ghosted too and it hurts a lot. Your actions were not unreasonable.
Thank you
 
Old 07-03-2017, 08:51 PM
 
Location: New York Area
15,699 posts, read 6,191,139 times
Reputation: 12255
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJazzy View Post
Thank you
For the record I agree. You did what any decent person should do; try to find out whether something is wrong.
 
Old 07-04-2017, 02:46 AM
 
Location: Missouri
392 posts, read 1,041,139 times
Reputation: 489
Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00 View Post
How would she know? If you've been blocked on Facebook, it looks like the account has been deleted.
Exactly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJazzy View Post
As I already said 5 times - the accts were deleted or deactivated. They are not blocking me. They are very strange if they took down their accts just because I asked if everything was ok.
They are blocking you! You're ignorant to how fakebook privacy settings work. You can set up your account so that nobody can search for you, no matter if you have mutual friends with them or know the exact spelling of their username or anything. Literally nobody will be able to find you unless you send them a friend request first. That's how I have my account setup. So when I block someone, they are put into that pool of people that can't locate me on there no matter what. That's what all 3 of them did to you. If they simply deleted their accounts, you would still be able to find them via search on your friends list and just wouldn't be able to do anything on their pages. They blocked you and have their privacy settings setup the same way I do, so you can't find them once blocked.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MsMetal View Post
Yes, I heard you. What some of us are asking, is how you know that? Because on some platforms, it looks exactly like the acct is deactivated, when in fact, you're just blocked from seeing it. I don't know your level of IT proficiency, so was curious how you knew for sure that the acct is gone & not that you're just blocked?

No insult was intended, some people are very IT knowledgeable & others, not so much. Also, on some platforms, accts can be deactivated & reactivated, as a simple toggle switch, all day long at the profile owner's whims. It is not actually a big deal to deactivate an acct on some sites, it is a simple 'switch flip', which can be switched on & off, at will. Quite literally, 1 check box. So it can take zero effort & they can turn it back on again with 1 check box. It all depends on the platform.
Exactly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJazzy View Post
Their accts were looked for under other people's accts that they didn't know. There is no way to hide yourself from everyone unless the acct is deactivated or deleted.
Yes there is! I already described this in one of my replies above. I have my account that way and so do other people I know.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
If OP wants to know, she needs to create a second account with no connection to the person in question and search for her. If they have a mutual friend, have that person accept the request from the burner account so you can see that account via friends of friends.

I'm not sure if the OP is doing that or not.

With that said, unless the OP see this person on a weekly basis or something, I'm not sure the relationship would be close enough to justify a welfare check. The person isn't communicating, but there's no other evidence anything is wrong. It's strange and rude, but that doesn't necessarily indicate any foul play.

With both accounts, my bet is family/marital drama.
Burner accounts, search, friends of friends and suggested friends are irrelevant if you have your account setup a certain way with heightened privacy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BOS2IAD View Post
It seems to me if the friend is just ghosting Jazzy, then why kill their FB pages? That's like using a bazooka to kill a mosquito---in other words, overkill.
They didn't kill their pages, they killed the link between their pages and the OP's page. Thus, making it appear that way, which is exactly what they wanted.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Big Lebowski Dude View Post
Disagree completely. This was STALKING, pure and simple. Over the years, I have ended friendships with people for various reasons, and was really irritated when they continued to hassle me.

If someone decides to stop talking to you, take the damn hint and don't continue to bother them!

In this case it's even worse than what happened to me because the OP called the woman's spouse, and her work. WTF?! Again, take the damn hint. The woman and her husband DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO HER!!!!

I hate stalkers.
Man so do I! I've had women harass and stalk me over the years. It's so annoying and criminal. For some reason, as a society, people brush it off or even think it's funny when it's a woman doing it to a man. It's not funny. I've had to file police reports and get restraining orders against a couple of psychos that just couldn't let it go. I mean, I know I'm good looking, intelligent, well off financially, in shape and adventuresome but when you're constantly calling/texting me at all hours after I tell you to stop, coming by my house unannounced and contacting/threatening my family, friends or new SO, then it's a serious problem and criminal behavior.

The most extreme case I've dealt with, an ex came by my house and I was trying to leave so I had the garage door up and was backing out. She laid down behind my car, so I couldn't get out without hitting her. She said, "I'd rather die than not be with you. Just run me over and kill me if you don't want me." Smdh. The worst part of it all is often times you don't find out a girl is neurotic like that or has some other kind of disorder until you are serious with her. By then, it's full on psycho if things ever go south or you try to leave her.


Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
Firstly, yes you can make your facebook page to totally private and your name will not come up if people search for you. People cannot reach out to me on facebook, I have to reach out to them due to a stalker.

Secondly, sorry Jazzy but you are totally a stalker and they blocked you.

You said on the post she has turned you down prior.

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt but when people show you who they are, listen.

She completely told her sister to block you.
Correct about FB. Most people don't realize this for some reason, but it's true.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
I have three acquaintances who closed their accounts. One had a brand new born and apparently healthy baby, and they posted tons of pics until the next week when the testing came back and the baby is profoundly disabled. They removed their accounts to kind of "hunker down".

The other was in jail for 6 months and a friend disabled his account.

Another was applying for jobs and their social media didn't reflect well on them as a professional.

I don't see people doing it casually, ever.
I've done it casually before. If you're going to be away for an extended period of time, it's often better just to disable than to leave it open and not use it. Why? Because you could get hacked, people could say anything on your page and you wouldn't be there to respond, people could become worried and stir up the dung for no reason etc. I'm an adventurer and I've had times where I've been away from my social media for an entire summer while out traveling, completing a thru hike or climbing a mountain, for example. I also know a few people that disable from time to time just to do a mental detox/cleanse. There's a difference between taking some time off and blocking people. If you're just taking time off, you notify people. If you're trying to cut ties, you block and don't tell them. Some people see this as cowardly but sometimes it's your only option depending on who you're dealing with.



OP, don't get too down about this. People lose and gain friends all the time. I've lost more friends than I can remember over the years but I've met a ton of new people also. It's just how life works. It goes in cycles. Look at it this way. Now you have more time available to spend with other people that mean something to you like other friends, family or your SO. It's quite possible that your old friend could very well be trying to hide something sinister like criminal behavior. You/we may never find out but I wouldn't worry about it too much. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone that just cuts ties for no apparent reason or that's trying to hide something. Both of those types of behavior are shady. You very well might have lucked out by losing this friend cause she might not have been a real friend at all. I'm still curious exactly what happened though, as I'm sure most others in this thread are.
 
Old 07-04-2017, 08:38 AM
 
3,002 posts, read 2,002,718 times
Reputation: 5891
I don't know the whole situation; none of us do. But those who call the OP a stalker may be miffed because no one cares enough to check up on them if they go missing.
 
Old 07-04-2017, 08:49 AM
 
Location: Western MA
1,586 posts, read 1,027,489 times
Reputation: 4102
The whole thing does sound extremely odd. OP, I hope that you get to find out what happened someday, but I think that you're right for dropping it now.

I am a little ashamed to admit that I am guilty of having ghosted people before, but not to this extreme. I've mostly just become distant and noncommittal when I wanted to back off of a friendship. But I can't imagine that I wouldn't speak up if someone was genuinely worried/frantic about my wellbeing. I would not be happy about someone trying to track me down at work through colleagues, boss, receptionist, whatever, however. That would make me livid (OP, I know that you didn't do this, just a general comment about my personal boundaries).
 
Old 07-04-2017, 09:25 AM
 
5,935 posts, read 5,420,067 times
Reputation: 10585
Quote:
Originally Posted by DebNashua View Post
The whole thing does sound extremely odd. OP, I hope that you get to find out what happened someday, but I think that you're right for dropping it now.

I am a little ashamed to admit that I am guilty of having ghosted people before, but not to this extreme. I've mostly just become distant and noncommittal when I wanted to back off of a friendship. But I can't imagine that I wouldn't speak up if someone was genuinely worried/frantic about my wellbeing. I would not be happy about someone trying to track me down at work through colleagues, boss, receptionist, whatever, however. That would make me livid (OP, I know that you didn't do this, just a general comment about my personal boundaries).
To be honest in this case, I would feel the friend had it coming if the OP had called her job. Ghosting is one thing (and it's not good) but going dark suddenly before a planned outing - everything is fine one day, you're supposed to meet up, then suddenly no contact - of course someone is going to think you might be dead or something. What else are they supposed to think? If you don't want people calling other people in your life, don't give them a reason to.
 
Old 07-04-2017, 09:50 AM
 
2,502 posts, read 1,537,128 times
Reputation: 5349
OK, I'm man enough to admit that I was probably wrong in calling this "stalking", though I'm still on the fence as to whether the OP should have contacted the woman's husband & sister - especially since she didn't know them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nonchalance View Post
I don't know the whole situation; none of us do. But those who call the OP a stalker may be miffed because no one cares enough to check up on them if they go missing.
You're absolutely, unequivocally...wrong. This whole situation hit a nerve with me because I've had ex-girlfriends stalk me in the past, and it was extremely unnerving. I have also had other people (non-romantic acquaintances) that I didn't want to deal with continuously try to get ahold of me when I clearly didn't want to talk to them.

That being said, I will admit that in this particular case, the OP had plans with the woman & the woman didn't get back to her as to why she couldn't meet. So, I guess I understand the concern.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DebNashua View Post
I would not be happy about someone trying to track me down at work through colleagues, boss, receptionist, whatever, however. That would make me livid (OP, I know that you didn't do this, just a general comment about my personal boundaries).
I would be livid too, though I know that didn't happen in this case. At my work we're not supposed to be receiving a lot of personal calls unless they're emergencies.
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