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Old 07-04-2017, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Midwest
4,208 posts, read 7,108,432 times
Reputation: 7032

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaverickDD View Post
"We'll Get Together Sometime" or "Let's Get Together Sometime" et al.

More often than not, those who say this will never get together with you. So why say it at all?

Examples:

Dropped-off/picked-up my preteen at a friend's house. Friend's father likes to chitchat and drops the line. "Our families have to get together sometime. We'll have you over for a barbecue." Sounds great! Not one interaction, not two... but six times! Hey, this guy must really want to get together; so not to be rude, I begin to try setting a date and time. "Sometime soon" is his reply. We keep this going another few times. Hey, I never asked for an invitation but if you keep telling me that one's forthcoming, by the eighth time either put up or shut up! So I pushed it. How about next Friday? No, how about Saturday? Nope? Okay. Now he doesn't talk anymore.

New neighbors. Soon learn they're my not-so-distant relatives! She likes to walk and there's a neighborhood walking club my spouse is a member of. So we invite the new neighbor to walk. "Too busy tomorrow but we'll get together sometime."
Summer block party? Similar reply.
Neighborhood holiday cheer? Ditto.
Mutual relative's fiftieth anniversary barbecue. "We'll stop by if we can. Otherwise, let's get together sometime!" Well, they couldn't and we didn't.

Hey, really... we're somewhat gregarious, have adequate friends/family, and don't beg either way; but WHAT'S WITH THEM??? If you never plan to get together, why say it and make yourself a liar?

Enlighten me City-Data friends! What am I missing?
It is just talk. He has no more interest in "getting together" than he has in fronting you $5000 for your pool referb.
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Old 07-04-2017, 12:46 PM
 
12,528 posts, read 10,411,383 times
Reputation: 17286
I think it's just another polite, small talk-y thing we say, like "hey, how are you?" No one really cares how you are. No one wants to know how you really are. At least, not in most cases for most people you'll talk to in a day who you will say that to in a casual setting.
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Old 07-04-2017, 01:27 PM
 
1,056 posts, read 572,968 times
Reputation: 3693
Associate with other people based on having similar (as in very specifically similar) like and interests and activities that you actually DO.

Neighbors and such are just fixtures of the landscape to me aside from the couple that actually help me do work in some of the common areas every couple months. I don't go out for beers with these people though, don't have to, don't want to.
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Old 07-04-2017, 01:29 PM
 
16,990 posts, read 20,588,424 times
Reputation: 33951
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
So silly! They're just being polite...or, it's their partner who has to finalize the arrangements and that never happens. Just brush it off - you're taking it too seriously and too personally. If you really want to get together give THEM a solid time and game-plan - then if they turn you down forget it and move on to other people to socialize with.
Polite? How is that being polite? Suggesting over and over again that you get together, so the other person suggests some dates and no response or very evasive from the one who started the idea of getting together?

You ask people how they are, in the case of the OP compliment them on how well mannered their child is when they're at their home, say take care.....that's polite. What isn't polite is to invite people to something that is never going to happen.....that's rude.
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Old 07-04-2017, 02:02 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,898 posts, read 69,860,626 times
Reputation: 75667
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerseyGirl415 View Post
I think it's just another polite, small talk-y thing we say, like "hey, how are you?" No one really cares how you are. No one wants to know how you really are. At least, not in most cases for most people you'll talk to in a day who you will say that to in a casual setting.
People can handle the empty, meaningless pleasantry "how are you". This goes back enough generations that people are used to it. They know it doesn't mean much, if anything. But when did fake suggestions to get together become a thing? A lot of people aren't used to that. They don't know how to take it. How could it be polite, if you raise someone's hopes by saying you'd love to get together sometime?

This reminds me of the "saving face" thing in Asian culture. People will be very cordial, and in an effort to appear helpful, may offer to help out in some way. If someone takes that offer seriously, and expects the person to show up at the stated time/place or event, they'll be disappointed. How is making a false promise "saving face", when they'll lose face as soon as it's clear they're a no-show, and never meant the offer to be taken seriously? All it is, is keeping up appearances in-the-moment, but when the moment to deliver on the offer arrives, all appearances are shot to hell.

I guess this is something the rest of us are expected to adapt to, like it or not. I think what a lot of people don't understand, is that it's not a necessary gesture. There is no need to say, "We should get together sometime" or "Let's do lunch!" All people need to say is, "Hey, it was great talking to you/seeing you/catching up with you!" Why would anything more be necessary?

I suppose we're simply thinking too logically, too literally.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain Dublin;
Polite? How is that being polite? Suggesting over and over again that you get together, so the other person suggests some dates and no response or very evasive from the one who started the idea of getting together?

You ask people how they are, in the case of the OP compliment them on how well mannered their child is when they're at their home, say take care.....that's polite. What isn't polite is to invite people to something that is never going to happen.....that's rude
Seconded. But I suspect we're fighting a losing battle.
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Old 07-04-2017, 02:06 PM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,399 posts, read 1,641,687 times
Reputation: 8527
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaverickDD View Post
"We'll Get Together Sometime" or "Let's Get Together Sometime" et al.

More often than not, those who say this will never get together with you. So why say it at all?

Examples:

Dropped-off/picked-up my preteen at a friend's house. Friend's father likes to chitchat and drops the line. "Our families have to get together sometime. We'll have you over for a barbecue." Sounds great! Not one interaction, not two... but six times! Hey, this guy must really want to get together; so not to be rude, I begin to try setting a date and time. "Sometime soon" is his reply. We keep this going another few times. Hey, I never asked for an invitation but if you keep telling me that one's forthcoming, by the eighth time either put up or shut up! So I pushed it. How about next Friday? No, how about Saturday? Nope? Okay. Now he doesn't talk anymore.

New neighbors. Soon learn they're my not-so-distant relatives! She likes to walk and there's a neighborhood walking club my spouse is a member of. So we invite the new neighbor to walk. "Too busy tomorrow but we'll get together sometime."
• Summer block party? — Similar reply.
• Neighborhood holiday cheer? — Ditto.
• Mutual relative's fiftieth anniversary barbecue. — "We'll stop by if we can. Otherwise, let's get together sometime!" Well, they couldn't and we didn't.

Hey, really... we're somewhat gregarious, have adequate friends/family, and don't beg either way; but WHAT'S WITH THEM??? If you never plan to get together, why say it and make yourself a liar?

Enlighten me City-Data friends! What am I missing?
With the preteen, you are missing that it's a polite gesture with no likliehoid of being acted upon and you are putting them on the spot by forcing a date. They can keep saying this as many times as they like, but you don't get to make them put a date on inviting you over. If you are sincere about getting together with them, then it's on you to invite them to your house or out someplace. Otherwise you are making them squirm for your own enjoyment.

With the neighbors? I have some at the end of the street that ask us to weekly parties. They are nice enough in the day hours but get loud and obnoxious as the night and drinks go on. We drink but neither of us tolerates drunks. They have many friends and don't need to beg either, so our presence isn't missed. It is a nice gesture on their part and we've always been polite to them in return but we have no intention of ever accepting an invitation from them.

Move on from the few people who aren't into you and appreciate all the friends and family you have that do want to be with you.

Last edited by jean_ji; 07-04-2017 at 02:31 PM..
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Old 07-04-2017, 02:11 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
15,089 posts, read 13,732,864 times
Reputation: 6453
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
People can handle the empty, meaningless pleasantry "how are you". This goes back enough generations that people are used to it. They know it doesn't mean much, if anything. But when did fake suggestions to get together become a thing? A lot of people aren't used to that. They don't know how to take it. How could it be polite, if you raise someone's hopes by saying you'd love to get together sometime?

This reminds me of the "saving face" thing in Asian culture. People will be very cordial, and in an effort to appear helpful, may offer to help out in some way. If someone takes that offer seriously, and expects the person to show up at the stated time/place or event, they'll be disappointed. How is making a false promise "saving face", when they'll lose face as soon as it's clear they're a no-show, and never meant the offer to be taken seriously? All it is, is keeping up appearances in-the-moment, but when the moment to deliver on the offer arrives, all appearances are shot to hell.

I guess this is something the rest of us are expected to adapt to, like it or not. I think what a lot of people don't understand, is that it's not a necessary gesture. There is no need to say, "We should get together sometime" or "Let's do lunch!" All people need to say is, "Hey, it was great talking to you/seeing you/catching up with you!" Why would anything more be necessary?

I suppose we're simply thinking too logically, too literally.
Seconded. But I suspect we're fighting a losing battle.
I don't get it either. "Nice meeting you" and "take care" should suffice.

Maybe next time someone suggests doing lunch, I'll ask right then and there for a time and place. I'm sure they'll start getting squeamish unless they really meant it.
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Old 07-04-2017, 02:12 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,898 posts, read 69,860,626 times
Reputation: 75667
Quote:
Originally Posted by jean_ji View Post
You are missing that it's a polite gesture with no likliehoid of being acted upon and you are putting them on the spot by forcing a date. They can keep saying this as many times as they like, but you don't get to make them put a date on inviting you over. If you are sincere about getting together with them, then it's on you to invite them to your house or out someplace. Otherwise you are making them squirm for your own enjoyment.
Half the examples given are not about Maverick inviting himself/herself to the person's house, though. They're about Maverick inviting the person to neighborhood events, or mutual extended-family events. So your point isn't relevant to the situations outlined.

And you're assuming the OP deliberately wants to watch these people squirm? Seriously?? It's obvious that the OP made the mistake of taking the "let's get together" proposals seriously. And for that, s/he is being accused of having sadistic ulterior motives?

Wow. Just wow.
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Old 07-04-2017, 02:19 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,898 posts, read 69,860,626 times
Reputation: 75667
Quote:
Originally Posted by jean_ji View Post

Move on when people aren't into you.
How are you supposed to know they're not into you? Especially in the example given, where (quasi-) invitations are extended repeatedly?
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Old 07-04-2017, 02:20 PM
 
5,334 posts, read 3,380,259 times
Reputation: 13380
I have not experienced it, but I would not find false fabricated invitations 'polite'. It's just the opposite actually.
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