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Yes, my brother is renting my cousin's house and his GF stays there with him. But if people are telling us to stop helping them, and to just sit back and be quiet while my brother struggles and eventually breaks. If he says something to her she'll threaten to leave and if she does leave that's it. Where will he get the money for an attorney?
I don't know anything about a paternity test, and don't think it's needed since my nephew is a clone of my brother. My brother has never brought it up to anyone so I'm sure he has no fears when it comes to that.
She's only 23 (I'm 22, so we're very close in age), so I'm wondering if it's a maturity issue?
I think what most people are telling you is that it is your brother's problem NOT your problem and not your parents problem.
If you want to help your brother go with him to an attorney to see what his rights are in the situation. If you want to help your brother perhaps help him save up money for legal fees or provide child care when he gets full custody of the baby or if he is going to school to get a better career. Otherwise, I guess that the GF may expect you and your parents to support this child forever.
You are 23. What happen when you want to get married and have your own child, but can't afford to do that because you are paying so much money towards your nephew, while the baby-mama is using her paycheck for manicures and fun?
Yes, it may be a maturity issue. Your brother was not mature enough to realize that if you have sex without a condom you may have a baby to support for at least the next 18 years.
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I disagree with anyone who says "abandon this baby" and let your brother handle it.
Over my cold dead body would any of my grandchildren be on welfare for basic needs like formula, I'll say that right now. Over my dead body.
I think you have nothing to fear that this woman is going to leave with the baby. She's already parked a baby at her mother's house - what leads anyone to believe she intends to take care of this one?
Sorry, I'm feeling the opposite of most in this thread. Your brother should have seen this coming a mile away, but was blindsided by having sex with her.
This isn't your responsibility. But your mother, this baby's grandmother, IMHO, shouldn't stand by and look the other way while this woman either absconds with her grand child or raises the child in poverty.
And your brother should be embarrassed for getting the family into this sad situation.
I'll try to keep this as short as possible. My brother has been in a relationship with this woman for maybe a little over a year or two (I only just met her a year ago). They just recently had a baby, and she has a two year old son from a relationship prior to my brother with a guy who is not in his life.
We found out she was pregnant, then she got fired from her job (not related to her pregnancy, but from what I understand she was doing something she wasn't supposed to). Since then everything has gone downhill. She at first didn't want to get another job, then she said she would get one after the baby was born but never made any effort, and then suddenly she started working for her uncle. My brother is doing everything on his own. They have to share a car since she wasn't paying her car payment and it got repossessed. She wanted my parents to get a loan for her so she could get a car, but she wanted a 2015 year car and my parents told her to ask her family to help her. Of course they couldn't/wouldn't help her so my parents ended up getting a small loan to get her a car (nowhere near what she wanted) so my brother wouldn't need to be escorted everywhere.
Now that she's "working" you would think she would have money and would want to help with bills and items for the baby, right? Nope, wrong. My brother asked her for half of the cellphone bill, she got mad and threw her phone at him and said she wouldn't have enough money to get her nails done. Just so my brother wouldn't be broke I ended up paying her half. A lot of the times she asks me "Hey can you buy a walker/bouncer for the baby?" or she'll ask for anything for my nephew and I'll get it because I don't want him to go without. She's called me selfish for not wanting to spend all of my money on her kids. My brother has told us multiple times that he is tired of her and if it wasn't for the baby she would be long gone. And I even think she knows that since she has the baby everyone is going to make sure she's taken care of.
My brother was struggling to get money together for the baby's diapers while she was out driving his car. Where is her money going? Mind you, her two year old stays with her grandparents full-time and rarely does he spend the night with them so she's not spending the money on her kids.
Everyone is a bit scared to say anything because she is the type to take the baby away and never let us see him. But, we also don't want our brother/son struggling like that to take care of her and the kids (he's currently in the process of getting a better job so hopefully that will help).
My mom wants to sit both of them down and tell her that he can't do it alone and she needs to contribute something, but she's not sure what to say or how to say it without upsetting her. Any help?
Edit: Just to clarify, they do live together.
What your brother needs to do is get rid of this lazy woman and keep his kids 100%. He needs to go to a lawyer to get things rolling.He doesn't have to stay in this toxic mess of a relationship...He needs to FIGHT to get sole custody of his child.You say the 'mom' is using their child as leverage..she's no good.Your mother should stay out of it...HE needs to get that lawyer and start making plans on getting that lazy person out of his life forever...period.
I think what most people are telling you is that it is your brother's problem NOT your problem and not your parents problem.
If you want to help your brother go with him to an attorney to see what his rights are in the situation. If you want to help your brother perhaps help him save up money for legal fees or provide child care when he gets full custody of the baby or if he is going to school to get a better career. Otherwise, I guess that the GF may expect you and your parents to support this child forever.
You are 23. What happen when you want to get married and have your own child, but can't afford to do that because you are paying so much money towards your nephew, while the baby-mama is using her paycheck for manicures and fun?
Yes, it may be a maturity issue. Your brother was not mature enough to realize that if you have sex without a condom you may have a baby to support for at least the next 18 years.
I have no intentions of getting married OR having children because of crap like this. You can't trust anyone to do what they're supposed to do. I'll just have to step back and what happens happens. If she stops letting us see him there's nothing we can do about it.
Also, for the last part she said she was on birth control, but obviously it wasn't working.
Is his name on the birth certificate? If it's not and he takes the child he could get in trouble. I know this because of a situation with my sister and her experience.
I doesn't matter how much baby looks like daddy a lot of babies look similar.
He needs to get DNA test. Possibly even a simple blood type test could rule him out. I think you need all three evolved but maybe not. But that's simple and cheap.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nic781
I have no intentions of getting married OR having children because of crap like this. You can't trust anyone to do what they're supposed to do. I'll just have to step back and what happens happens. If she stops letting us see him there's nothing we can do about it.
Also, for the last part she said she was on birth control, but obviously it wasn't working.
Nic, don't be jaded about your own life. Yes, you CAN trust people to do what they're supposed to do. First off, don't pick a girl who had a child but chucked that kid off to her mother to raise. That's red flag #1.
I don't believe - for a minute - that your brother didn't see obvious signs that this girl isn't appropriate for a long term relationship, much less to be the mother of his child.
Is his name on the birth certificate? If it's not and he takes the child he could get in trouble. I know this because of a situation with my sister and her experience.
I doesn't matter how much baby looks like daddy a lot of babies look similar.
He needs to get DNA test. Possibly even a simple blood type test could rule him out. I think you need all three evolved but maybe not. But that's simple and cheap.
DNA and a chat with a lawyer. If you want to help him out, go that route. Talking to a lawyer isn't going to cost much. Action from a lawyer will. But at least he can get some advice form an impartial party who knows what father's rights are, and at least knows where he stands.
Also, document, document, document. Every bill he pays, every diaper he buys, all the rent ... document document document.
I disagree with anyone who says "abandon this baby" and let your brother handle it.
Over my cold dead body would any of my grandchildren be on welfare for basic needs like formula, I'll say that right now. Over my dead body.
I think you have nothing to fear that this woman is going to leave with the baby. She's already parked a baby at her mother's house - what leads anyone to believe she intends to take care of this one?
Sorry, I'm feeling the opposite of most in this thread. Your brother should have seen this coming a mile away, but was blindsided by having sex with her.
This isn't your responsibility. But your mother, this baby's grandmother, IMHO, shouldn't stand by and look the other way while this woman either absconds with her grand child or raises the child in poverty.
And your brother should be embarrassed for getting the family into this sad situation.
I don't think that most people are saying "abandon this baby" but are saying that there are better ways to help in the long run than just buying everything that the GF says "Buy for my baby" while she is spending her paycheck on manicures and luxuries for herself. Helping the brother/son with legal fees, helping him get full custody, helping with babysitting so he can go to school to get a better job, etc. are better ways to help.
And, yes, the GF may "abscond" with the baby, but that is why legal advice is extremely important, but just throwing money at the baby-mama is not going to solve any problems.
Is his name on the birth certificate? If it's not and he takes the child he could get in trouble. I know this because of a situation with my sister and her experience.
I doesn't matter how much baby looks like daddy a lot of babies look similar.
He needs to get DNA test. Possibly even a simple blood type test could rule him out. I think you need all three evolved but maybe not. But that's simple and cheap.
Yes, his name is on the birth certificate. At the end of the day, regardless of who the dad of this baby is, it doesn't make it a better situation for the child.
Anyways, I've learned a lot from this thread. It's not my problem, and my brother needs to figure it out on his own regardless of their financial situation. If they have to go without, so be it.
I have no intentions of getting married OR having children because of crap like this. You can't trust anyone to do what they're supposed to do. I'll just have to step back and what happens happens. If she stops letting us see him there's nothing we can do about it.
Also, for the last part she said she was on birth control, but obviously it wasn't working.
Marriage and kids are wonderful.
You just have to choose the right partner who you CAN trust. This is textbook of what not to do.
If you saw a car accident from a drunk driver, would you refuse to drive because that's what always happens? Of course not. You would drive responsibly because that's the right thing to do and enjoy the freedom of being able to go anywhere you wanted.
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