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Old 07-06-2017, 11:07 AM
 
3,252 posts, read 1,534,004 times
Reputation: 3577

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nic781 View Post


1. Where in any of my posts have I said anything bad about her?
there was not one positive thing mentioned about her.
2. Also where in my posts have I mentioned saying anything to him? you are not saying anything to him, but you should say to him that he needs to keep some things to himself. You know too much, he should not be dishing out his own dirtPutting things in his head? Everything would be fine if they stopped coming to US with their problems.when he brings problems to you guys,
you guys respond, likely engage in conversation, which is normal. But it usually continues with agreeing and defending his view.
So me being in their business is bullsh*t. My mom wanted to say something to them because all they do is ask for crap and don't work for it. you know so much about their details, he shares his bs with you, and it is on your mind.

And lol at the restraining order part. If anything, we would need to get one for her since she's everywhere begging us for stuff. only mentioned, in response to another post. avoid the family fued.If you think your appearance is better than your kids having things that they need while your SO struggles to pay bills then I guess it's okay? She also has a job, soooodoes your brother buy his treats, gets his tatoos or other personal stuff? men do not have all the vanity stuff like women,
but other vices, hobbies, un necessary expenses.


And again for the car, they came to us complaining. Not the other way around. I wouldn't give two sh*ts about the car situation if they stopped bringing it up. tell them to stop already, you can hint to your brother that he is asking for too much

We ask about her other son all of the time. We only see him maybe once a month. Every time we ask where he is it's the same "he's sick" "he's with his grandmother" "he's at the pool". He's never with her.
maybe the other father is around, something not right with this picture.
I don't think you read my thread at all. All you did was place all of the blame on me like everyone else in this thread.
I read your post, and the pages of responses. No one suggested to you "couples counseling" for the new family, or suggested any way to control the dynamics of this situation. I aint blaming you, but responded to your post and some of the responses by others. I explained all potential scenarios where your brother should , shut up, take responsibility, better manage his relationship. He is almost there, he could take her there if she lets him. Counseling is the way,
and covered by most insurance plans.

 
Old 07-06-2017, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,304 posts, read 10,723,160 times
Reputation: 20540
Personally, I'd butt out. This is your brother's girlfriend so she's HIS problem. I wouldn't pay for things for their child either.

Your brother doesn't have to stay with her just because they have a child together. He can pay child support and have visitation. He's going to be dealing with this woman for the rest of his life since he decided to have a child with her.

I'd let him deal with his own problems. He's an adult. He made his bed. Now he has to lie in it.
 
Old 07-06-2017, 11:46 AM
 
1,178 posts, read 788,397 times
Reputation: 4207
Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
Personally, I'd butt out. This is your brother's girlfriend so she's HIS problem. I wouldn't pay for things for their child either.

Your brother doesn't have to stay with her just because they have a child together. He can pay child support and have visitation. He's going to be dealing with this woman for the rest of his life since he decided to have a child with her.

I'd let him deal with his own problems. He's an adult. He made his bed. Now he has to lie in it.
I pretty much agree with this. Until he is ready to do something there is nothing you can do right now. I wouldn't give him any money either. The only thing I would do is buy food for the baby. This isn't the baby's fault.
 
Old 07-06-2017, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
11,043 posts, read 3,954,387 times
Reputation: 13551
Omg, my brother had a GF like this. She moved in with him almost instantly and quit her job. She refused to work & he paid for all his bills & hers! He was so stressed out over it, of course it was his own doing though! We'll, he ended up marrying the lazy girl and now 6 years later she's leaving him for someone with more money! I feel bad for him, but I called it! Thank goodness they didn't have kids! My take.... if you are not married, you work and contribute! If you're married with no kids and you have bills, you work. If you have kids & can financially not work than great! If you have accessive bills then at least work part time. Can't stand lazy people!!!
 
Old 07-06-2017, 12:51 PM
 
35,120 posts, read 40,064,647 times
Reputation: 62035
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
If this were just a girlfriend behaving very very irresponsibly and making life miserable for this guy, I'd say well, sorry, and look the other way. You made your bed, now lie in it, literally.

But when there's a baby involved, who will certainly suffer if help doesn't step in either in the way of money or legal aid, that's a different thing.

I believe strongly that family SHOULD be guilted in to stepping in when the welfare of a small child is at risk, sorry. I'm so sad when I see little ones go into uncaring foster care or are stuck in a terribly abusive situation and grandparents and aunts and uncles shrug and say it's not their problem.

In my opinion, it IS their problem where neglect and abuse of a tiny child is occurring.

Makes me want to smack bio parents right in the chops when they allow their children to be in situations like this, and I have all the empathy in the world for the plight of the grandparents who then are forced (yes, forced by their own senses of morals not to abandon their vulnerable family members) to pick up the slack.

I don't think enough frustration is being directed at the father in this situation - half the DNA is his that's caused this child to be at risk, and he is somehow unable to rise above the poverty level and still had a child and he's being portrayed as doing the very best he can. That ship has sailed.
And that is exactly what the girlfriend is counting on, use the innocent child as leverage to get what she wants *and* not have to take care and responsibility for the child.


Again, if you want to be guilted into doing whatever it is you will do that is your choice but it is not the choice of everyone and there is absolutely no guilt or shame in not giving in to emotional blackmail there
should be shame for using a child for blackmail though.....
 
Old 07-06-2017, 12:58 PM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,633,057 times
Reputation: 41118
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nic781 View Post
my parents ended up getting a small loan to get her a car (nowhere near what she wanted) so my brother wouldn't need to be escorted everywhere.
...
I ended up paying her half.
...
she'll ask for anything for my nephew and I'll get it
...
her two year old stays with her grandparents full-time
Take back the car since she isn't using it for taking care of the baby.

Other than that, your brother needs to be the one to kick her out and get custody of the child. Since she doesn't take care of her own child, she'll likely disappear into the sunset when he kicks her out.

Last edited by convextech; 07-06-2017 at 01:14 PM..
 
Old 07-06-2017, 01:01 PM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,633,057 times
Reputation: 41118
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nic781 View Post
If he says something to her she'll threaten to leave and if she does leave that's it. Where will he get the money for an attorney?
...
I'm wondering if it's a maturity issue?
No, it's a trash issue, and if she leaves, he'll have more money left over to get an attorney.
 
Old 07-06-2017, 01:04 PM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,633,057 times
Reputation: 41118
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nic781 View Post
Also, for the last part she said she was on birth control, but obviously it wasn't working.
Ten bucks says she wasn't on BC and she got fired on purpose. She got everything she wanted by doing so.
 
Old 07-06-2017, 01:05 PM
 
3,531 posts, read 1,760,548 times
Reputation: 6232
Quote:
Originally Posted by klaucka View Post
She is on government assistance and gets her nails done?!? Im sure she also goes to the salon for $100+ highlights as well. So many people I know on assistance do the same, and it makes my head explode. I work my you know what off, 60 hour weeks, and I had to give those luxuries up when our healthcare costs went through the roof with the ACA. Off topic I know, but this is complete b.s.
Sounds like she's getting wic since she only mentioned formula.
 
Old 07-06-2017, 03:38 PM
 
9,925 posts, read 3,961,868 times
Reputation: 25110
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
And that is exactly what the girlfriend is counting on, use the innocent child as leverage to get what she wants *and* not have to take care and responsibility for the child.


Again, if you want to be guilted into doing whatever it is you will do that is your choice but it is not the choice of everyone and there is absolutely no guilt or shame in not giving in to emotional blackmail there
should be shame for using a child for blackmail though...
..
I see it differently. I believe it would be very shameful to have a grandchild that isn't properly taken care of, and is receiving welfare services if you can afford to help, and if you know about it, and choose to do nothing at all. I have friends who have loser adult kids and they have been placed in a position to have to take care of the grandkids because the adult kids are unwilling/unable to manage things, and they do it.

Because it would be unthinkable to turn your back on your innocent grandchild. And in this process, many cut ties with their adult sons/daughters. Because these kids are innocent, and precious, and deserve more than extended family members saying hey, not my prob. Not my rodeo, not my clowns.
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