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I know of at least four or more families in which the adult children, who at one time moved out, have moved back at home with their parent(s) and remained there and it's been over a year or longer. Some of these adults are working, others lost their jobs and allegedly had to move back home because of it.
All of these individuals are perpetually broke - even the ones who are employed. To top it off, some of these divorced or single-never-married adults returned home bringing children which is an added financial burden to their aged parent(s), age 65+.
The parent is supporting the adult children by providing shelter, food, a car, financial assistance with bills/daycare, etc. These people never learned how to make the necessary sacrifices in order to become and independent adult who stands on his/her own feet because mommy or daddy kept running to the rescue to financially bail them out! Instead of helping, the parent actually hurt their child by enabling their bad life decisions for 20 years or longer.
Now, there are 30, 40, 50+ year old are back home living with their parents and claiming to live their to take care of their aging parents. In reality, the aging parents are taking care of them.
I know of a 70+ year old who was retired and started working again (part-time employment) to supplement her retirement income especially now that she a full grown, unemployed, off-spring living at home. This is the sunset of their lives where aged parents should be basking in the success of their offspring instead of working themselves to death trying to provide for them.
Are parents responsible for their children living at home as full grown adults, some even with children? Are aged parents in this predicament paying for their sins because they didn't instill a sense of personal responsibility in their children (crippled them by always running to the rescue - more Mothers seem to be guilty of this than Dads) as the children were growing up?
I know of at least four or more families in which the adult children, who at one time moved out, have moved back at home with their parent(s) and remained there and it's been over a year or longer. Some of these adults are working, others lost their jobs and allegedly had to move back home because of it.
All of these individuals are perpetually broke - even the ones who are employed. To top it off, some of these divorced or single-never-married adults returned home bringing children which is an added financial burden to their aged parent(s), age 65+.
The parent is supporting the adult children by providing shelter, food, a car, financial assistance with bills/daycare, etc. These people never learned how to make the necessary sacrifices in order to become and independent adult who stands on his/her own feet because mommy or daddy kept running to the rescue to financially bail them out! Instead of helping, the parent actually hurt their child by enabling their bad life decisions for 20 years or longer.
Now, there are 30, 40, 50+ year old are back home living with their parents and claiming to live their to take care of their aging parents. In reality, the aging parents are taking care of them.
I know of a 70+ year old who was retired and started working again (part-time employment) to supplement her retirement income especially now that she a full grown, unemployed, off-spring living at home. This is the sunset of their lives where aged parents should be basking in the success of their offspring instead of working themselves to death trying to provide for them.
Are parents responsible for their children living at home as full grown adults, some even with children? Are aged parents in this predicament paying for their sins because they didn't instill a sense of personal responsibility in their children (crippled them by always running to the rescue - more Mothers seem to be guilty of this than Dads) as the children were growing up?
I also know a woman who tried to retire but had to go back to work -- full time because her almost 50 year son has worked about 4 years in his whole life. She worked to put him through college but it didn't do him much good, he hasn't much of a work ethic. She's about 70 years old also.
Yes, I think the parents are usually responsible for this "failure to launch", they may deep down want to keep their children home with them forever.
Every adult is responsible for themselves (barring mental disability or such). These parents need to set some limits on what they will and will not do for their adult children.
That being said, I often find people believe that if an adult is living in the same house as his or her parent, they are automatically a freeloading mooch. Not so. I'm 39, have 2 kids and have lived with my mother for about 10 years now. Why? In the beginning she was helping me through a divorce and with my disabled son. Why did I stay? Because we get along great, have a higher quality of life with both of us paying the bills, etc. and I have no plans to ever date or get married again. I will take care of her when she can no longer care for herself as well, if it comes down to that. She has stated that she likes having me here, but what's wrong with that?
I don't think there is anything wrong with an adult who lives with their parent(s) as long as they are financially stable and responsible themselves and also responsible for their own life choices. I think adult children and parents who choose to live together need to cultivate more of a roommate or friend relationship than a child/parent one.
Are parents responsible for their children living at home as full grown adults, some even with children? Are aged parents in this predicament paying for their sins because they didn't instill a sense of personal responsibility in their children (crippled them by always running to the rescue - more Mothers seem to be guilty of this than Dads) as the children were growing up?
First question: Yes, for the most part, but there are exceptions.
Second question: Yes, for the most part, but there are exceptions.
Why do you care? A parent never stops being a parent, they're compelled to help their children whenever they perceive there's a need. My mother has reached out to help me financially on numerous occasions during my adulthood and I've always repaid her in full. As well, when I'm in a surplus position I've helped to ease some of her occasional financial burdens.
And while I might not always smile when my college-age son leans on me as a source of income, he's my son and if I have it to give, I give it. He's a good kid who is more secure in the world because he knows his parents have his back. Should he ever take advantage of our generosity unnecessarily I suppose I'd have to deal with it. But I'm confidant we raised him right, enough to not exploit our kindness and commitment.
Why do you care? A parent never stops being a parent, they're compelled to help their children whenever they perceive there's a need. My mother has reached out to help me financially on numerous occasions during my adulthood and I've always repaid her in full. As well, when I'm in a surplus position I've helped to ease some of her occasional financial burdens.
And while I might not always smile when my college-age son leans on me as a source of income, he's my son and if I have it to give, I give it. He's a good kid who is more secure in the world because he knows his parents have his back. Should he ever take advantage of our generosity unnecessarily I suppose I'd have to deal with it. But I'm confidant we raised him right, enough to not exploit our kindness and commitment.
If everyone had the same mature, responsible, mutually respectful relationship as exists between you and your mother and between you and your son, I doubt the OP would have ever created this thread.
The way I read the OP and the subsequent responses, the critical attitude does not apply to you at all. You've repaid your mother's financial help in full. Good for you. I believe what I and others are condemning are the long-term moochers and parasites often enabled by parents who cannot draw any lines for their children.
Why do any of us care? Easy. This is the Non-Romantic Relationships Forum. The present thread is perfectly on-topic here. There is nothing more interesting than human relationships, in both their positive and negative aspects.
I know an 80 year old laday whose son has moved back home due to a divorce situation. This son helps around the house, does all the lawn work, cooks, cleans, looks after his sick father, however he doesn't pay any rent because he has to support his estranged wife and daughter. He is far from being a free loader. He goes to work everyday to a job he hates because he has to support his family.
Should his mother kick him out? Is she encouraging him to live with her and not being out on his own? Possibly. But right now this works for everyone concerned.
The economy still isn't what was 5 yrs ago and people, especially middle class, are still struggling. I think you will see more and more families of all ages living together to make ends meet.
Maybe the middle aged people that moved in with their parents are retired. I've known several that have done that. It works for them. Maybe they pay the parents bills and do the yard work. I am sure some people would talk since they don't see them go to work.
Sometimes people have it backward and the parents are the ones that are living with their child. Lots of old people have sold their home to the kids and still live there, with the kids.
People shouldn't automatically think the kids a mooch if they live in the same house as the parents. I have had several of each example I gave among my relatives.
From what you've described, you're different than the typical adult I know that moved back in with their older parents. Most are financially carried by their aged parent, usually the Mother. They don't pay rent (although usually most older parents own their home by age 60's) and in situations where their parents own the home, the adult offspring don't help maintain the home (painting, lawn work, paying to have home renovated, or a new roof, etc).
Helping your child is one thing but running to their aid every time they're in need or made a bad/stupid financial decision isn't helping them. It's crippling them. A lot of people are worse off and have been in financial dysfunction all of their lives because some parents (or some MOTHERS specifically) don't respect boundaries. Every time a person struggles doesn't mean that they need a savior to come and rescue them. Often, they need to be encouraged to learn through their struggles how to make the necessary sacrifices on the road to better decision-making, not coddled and enabled to hand over their problems to Mommy and Daddy to take care.
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I don't of many like you
