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Old 07-09-2017, 07:16 AM
 
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He's not using kids and marriage as an excuse. Its his life. His main relationship is now his family. You are his brother. Nothing that a phone call cant take care of, and maybe seeing each other during holidays. Why are you so needy for his attention? If its that important to see him, go see him.

 
Old 07-09-2017, 07:18 AM
 
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Maybe it's just today's generation. Back in the old days, we used to pile in the car with the parents and go visit the cousins. Lots of fun.

Probably is your SIL. I see this with my huge family. SILs that would rather be with their side.

Good luck
 
Old 07-09-2017, 07:31 AM
 
13,135 posts, read 20,695,711 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Maybe it's just today's generation. Back in the old days, we used to pile in the car with the parents and go visit the cousins. Lots of fun.

Probably is your SIL. I see this with my huge family. SILs that would rather be with their side.

Good luck
You have nothing to base blaming the SIL on.

OP, your brother's priorities have changed, as they should. Assuming he works, the weekends are set aside for his family. You have been invited to share their life, on their terms. Expecting him to leave his wife and kids to be with you is selfish on your part.
 
Old 07-09-2017, 07:38 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
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Socializing with people with young kids, whether it's friends or family, takes planning. If you want a one-on-one guys(?) trip with your brother, you have to think about it way in advance so that he can make arrangements with his wife. Like, he goes for a long weekend with you, and his wife's sister or friend or mom comes to stay at their house so she's not stranded with little kids. Then maybe later you stay with him when his wife goes on her trip. Or make plans to go on vacation together with the whole family--rent a house or a cabin somewhere, but again, with enough advance notice that the family can make plans.

Last edited by fleetiebelle; 07-09-2017 at 07:47 AM..
 
Old 07-09-2017, 08:07 AM
 
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So for the third time, what happens after both siblings have kids and marriage and live 3 hours apart?
 
Old 07-09-2017, 08:20 AM
 
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You plan to see each other and get together a few times a year. Sometimes it's for a week for a family vacation.

It's easier when everyone is in the same stage of life. Kids make things more difficult, since there are more schedules to work around. You will understand better if you ever have your own children and get married.
 
Old 07-09-2017, 08:21 AM
 
6,461 posts, read 6,447,134 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
Why don't you go and visit him and play cool auntie with the kids. My SIL used to visit all the time when my son was little and to this day they are close and he just adores his Aunt.
He's a male.
 
Old 07-09-2017, 09:32 AM
 
6,049 posts, read 2,785,611 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
You have nothing to base blaming the SIL on.

OP, your brother's priorities have changed, as they should. Assuming he works, the weekends are set aside for his family. You have been invited to share their life, on their terms. Expecting him to leave his wife and kids to be with you is selfish on your part.
Lol! Operative words ' their terms'.
Seriously ,where is the compromise or consideration when the excuse used is just that..An excuse.

My generation had a rule...Family for miles..Each generation made it a joy to spend evenings or weekends in one another's company. We didn't hide behind the family..We shared it!
Op: seek compromise on this concept of family gatherings...I do understand your desire for family moments... Absolutely nothing selfish in desiring that.
 
Old 07-09-2017, 10:00 AM
 
13,135 posts, read 20,695,711 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Lol! Operative words ' their terms'.
Seriously ,where is the compromise or consideration when the excuse used is just that..An excuse.

My generation had a rule...Family for miles..Each generation made it a joy to spend evenings or weekends in one another's company. We didn't hide behind the family..We shared it!
Op: seek compromise on this concept of family gatherings...I do understand your desire for family moments... Absolutely nothing selfish in desiring that.
Ummm, yeah. The OP moved three hours away. It's more than a bit unrealistic and selfish to expect his brother to spend 6 hours in a car to visit him, when those 6 hours come out of his weekends with his wife and children.

OP, like it or not, his life, responsibilities and priorities have changed. The onus is on you to make the effort to remain a part of his life, as it appears you are welcome to do so.
 
Old 07-09-2017, 10:02 AM
 
16,990 posts, read 20,588,424 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kapikap View Post
most family units travel in a group. it is now one unit, him and his. GEt up with the technology, and do the video chat thing, with all of them, it could be fun. You need to know, that old relationship is old. You guys have a new relationship now.

family dynamics, and trying to fit in his own personal down tome is not easy.
Ridiculous comment calling a sibling an "old relationship". Actually the sibling relationship is the longest relationship one can have in their life, longer than spouses and parents.

Video chat? They're 3 hours away by car, not on opposite sides of the country.

While the brother's family should come first, no reason to not get together.
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