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Old 07-09-2017, 05:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berteau View Post
"My side" as in extended family. Of course my parents and I made it "My side" all lives 6 hours away. I lived in the same city as my brother. I don't know the details but he thought some of them would come when the plans were made. Stop being defensive
You didn't specify that. Are we supposed to read your mind? Not many extended families would travel for a destination wedding. That is not weird to me at all. This is one more indication that you don't have a good pulse on your own family dynamics. If you come off as this difficult and needy in person, I'm not surprised he doesn't visit more.

 
Old 07-09-2017, 05:42 PM
 
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For the OP, I'm finding this is typical for some people. Their kids become there lives. You have to pick up and go to them. I get it. It's hard to drag a toddler and little kids all over the place.

I have relatives who's GRANDCHILDREN have become their lives. All activities, conversations etc revolve around the grandkids.

I do get tired of hearing about the kids/grandkids but it's something i have to accept. It's what's important to them.

If i get tired of it, i find friends/relatives who have other things they want to talk about.


Also, i don't know if it's just a southern thing, but i'm running across a lot of 30 and 40 year old grandmas.
 
Old 07-09-2017, 05:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
You didn't specify that. Are we supposed to read your mind? Not many extended families would travel for a destination wedding. That is not weird to me at all. This is one more indication that you don't have a good pulse on your own family dynamics. If you come off as this difficult and needy in person, I'm not surprised he doesn't visit more.
Okay. So I didn't know we were debating if it was weird or not for extended family not to attend or if it was even important. I originally brought it up to help explain one reason she has not met extended family. If you were following this you would have made the connection.

"I" don't have a good pulse on family dynamics. I didn't plan the wedding. That was my brother and his wife. I never indicated whether I expected them to come or not. You guys were the ones with the theory that my brother purposefully was making it hard to them to attend, not me.
 
Old 07-09-2017, 05:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berteau View Post
Okay. So I didn't know we were debating if it was weird or not for extended family not to attend or if it was even important. I originally brought it up to help explain one reason she has not met extended family. If you were following this you would have made the connection. "I" don't have a good pulse on family dynamics. I didn't plan the wedding. That was my brother and his wife. I never indicated whether I expected them to come or not. You guys were the ones with the theory that my brother purposefully was making it hard to them to attend, not me.
None of this changes the answer to the original question, which is, yes, it is normal for an adult to switch focus from parents and siblings to their spouse and kids when they get married. Period. The rest is just us trying to make sense of your cryptic follow-up posts.
 
Old 07-09-2017, 05:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
None of this changes the answer to the original question, which is, yes, it is normal for an adult to switch focus from parents and siblings to their spouse and kids when they get married. Period. The rest is just us trying to make sense of your cryptic follow-up posts.
Well that wasn't really my exact question, but yes, I agree with that statement.
 
Old 07-09-2017, 06:13 PM
 
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I just don't think people have planning skills anymore. Yes of course you do things with your wife/husband/kids but that doesn't mean you can't hang with friends/brothers/sisters/family with out the kids/wife/husband. You can always call your brother and give a couple dates and you guys can figure out which would be a good weekend for him to come up. Yes the wife would have to be home with the kids for a weekend but to me its not that big of a deal. I could see if this was happening once a month that would be crazy but in this instance its not. I'm sure there are times where he had to stay home with the kids while she went and did whatever.

I already told my husband when we have kids yes we plan things and that way he can do stuff with his friends and I can do stuff with my friends. Yes that would mean I'll be home with the kids on the weekend and he would be as well. Plus we have family weekends as well. He already agreed with me as well thinking that is a good idea. Its called you plan it out. Its that big of a deal people. The wife probably doesn't want to stay home by her self with the kids. Yes I'm sure your brother has family things he is doing but that doesn't mean he can't pick a date he comes and visit you. Yes like they said they could be tight on money so your brother could pick a date much later on and save up for it. That is unless he really doesn't feel like going or the wife doesn't want to be left alone with the kids.
 
Old 07-09-2017, 06:20 PM
 
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You and your brother are simply at different stages of your life. He is a husband and a parent, and obviously more family oriented. You are obviously single and not family oriented. If you want to see him, go spend the time with him....if that includes being around "his wife and kids"....which by the way are your nieces/nephews and SIL....then do that.

Otherwise, give him a call once in a while to stay connected. Time and age will change some of this naturally....Meanwhile, start concentrating on being an uncle, rather than a party buddy.

Last edited by JanND; 07-09-2017 at 06:32 PM..
 
Old 07-09-2017, 06:23 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiffins2001 View Post
I just don't think people have planning skills anymore. Yes of course you do things with your wife/husband/kids but that doesn't mean you can't hang with friends/brothers/sisters/family with out the kids/wife/husband. You can always call your brother and give a couple dates and you guys can figure out which would be a good weekend for him to come up. Yes the wife would have to be home with the kids for a weekend but to me its not that big of a deal. I could see if this was happening once a month that would be crazy but in this instance its not. I'm sure there are times where he had to stay home with the kids while she went and did whatever.

I already told my husband when we have kids yes we plan things and that way he can do stuff with his friends and I can do stuff with my friends. Yes that would mean I'll be home with the kids on the weekend and he would be as well. Plus we have family weekends as well. He already agreed with me as well thinking that is a good idea. Its called you plan it out. Its that big of a deal people. The wife probably doesn't want to stay home by her self with the kids. Yes I'm sure your brother has family things he is doing but that doesn't mean he can't pick a date he comes and visit you. Yes like they said they could be tight on money so your brother could pick a date much later on and save up for it. That is unless he really doesn't feel like going or the wife doesn't want to be left alone with the kids.
That may work fine for you and your husband. Maybe. You don't really know because you don't have kids yet. That doesn't mean it would work for every couple. Another poster keeps posting about what the brother "could" do (get grandma to help, etc.) That doesn't mean it's what he "should" do, and even if it is, it may not be what he and his wife "want" to do.

I remember very well being newlyweds and working full time. All of the housework, yard work, errands, had to be done on the weekends. We didn't want family visiting all the time, but we had some who would stop by all the time. It was annoying. Add kids in, and now you have to do all of that between feeding, changing, and playing with the kids. Assuming brother works, he wants to spend his weekends with his kids, and that's exactly what he should be doing.
 
Old 07-09-2017, 06:24 PM
 
Location: here
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
You and your brother are simply at different stages of your life. If you want to see him, go spend the time with him....if that includes being around his wife and kids....which by the way are your nieces/nephews....then do that.

Otherwise, give him a call once in a while to stay connected. Time and age will change some of this naturally....Meanwhile, start concentrating on being an uncle, rather than a party buddy.
 
Old 07-09-2017, 07:53 PM
 
3,945 posts, read 3,167,222 times
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Besides, times are so different now. It is so easy to stay in touch, grandmas are now on the computer, texting, skyping, they can keep in touch daily if they want to. Didnt used to be so easy. Its a pain in the ass traveling, and time consuming. Family isnt like friends. You spend time with your friends because you want to. Extended family isnt that way. Sure, some enjoy spending time, but a lot dont. People make their own new families, and they come first. So text, or email, or call. Whats the big deal.

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