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I'm not the most perfect person but my whole life I have always had a sunny upbeat attitude. I love life and looking at the positive side. i think focusing to much on the negative just brings me down so i try to keep it upbeat and positive. i'm very family oriented and i love all holidays. Christmas is absolutely my fav holiday and its not just about the gifts, but about the spirit of Christmas. The songs, familys spending time with each other and just the spirit of it all. I dont have many friends but consider myself a social person and I love to meet new people and make new friends.
I know there are others like me out there. But it seems like when I find people who are like this that they seem to have familys to match. Now I know that all familys have their issues. No one has the perfect family or the perfect life and that what you see on peoples instagrams and facebooks arent always how it really is. But with people that i know, it seems like their familys actually want to spend time with one another. They are close and they vacation together and spent holidays together and they seem to share a simlilar attitude.
Now with people who have familys like mine, it seems like those people have similar attitudes. My family is closed off, not very friendly, and we dont spend much time with one another. I have made effort and tried, but they are unhappy people and they don't desire to be close to me or really with each other. We are not all sunny or happy together. We don't spend holidays together etc. I have noticed that ppl who have a similar family to mine end up the way their parents are. Maybe they are okay with it, not sure, but I don't meet to many people like me who are in a similar family situation.
I just my family wasn't so weird and awkward and awful but they are. They have good parts but most of it is bad. I struggle to get close to them and always have. I love my mom and my sister but they are very miserable with their lives.
I just wonder what people like me do about it. i guess we start familys of our own? How do we deal with holidays? How do we deal with life w/out haviing a supportive family? I start to think about this stuff everytime a holiday comes around and I start seeing more and more people together.
.
Good day, upadaisy (cool screenname). Several thoughts for you here now:
* “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.
Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.” --Richard Bach, from "Illusions"
* Nearly everyone we meet, no matter how it may seem otherwise,
are having a profoundly difficult time of it.
* Ultimately, we are all related... we are all relatives.
May there be the sparkle of a valuable nugget somewhere within those words for you, upsadaisy... and if not, then surely there'll be one in the following copy/paste of something precious that is kept on top of all my lessons for over 4 decades. It was received untitled and unsigned, just as my teacher at the time and his teacher, etc. had received it:
It chanced upon a winter's night,
Safe, sheltered from the weather,
The table was spread for only one
But four men dined together.
There sat the man I meant to be,
Glory spurned and booted,
And close beside him, to the right,
The man I am reputed.
The man I think myself to be
A seat was occupying.
Nearby, the man I really am
Who to hold his own was trying.
Beneath one roof we sat.
None called his fellow brother.
No sign of recognition passed,
for they knew not one another.
I have a very similar situation and completely agree with you. My family is very close off, not very social. My mom has suffered from severe depression her entire life. We moved away from relatives so didn't have any family near us. I was always jealous of those families that have large get togethers, traditions etc. That was never us.
Fast forward I am married with children. My husband comes from one of those happy families and wow talk about a difference. Unfortunately we only lived near them for a short time!
I inherited my mother's depression and try my hardest not to let it effect the family. When the kids were younger I made it my mission to create a fun environment during the holidays. We have moved a few times since then and my depression started to creep in. This last holiday was horrible with the passing of my father and my husband losing his job.
My daughter remarked to me how she was jealous of those other families. I realized after our last move, I let everything slip with my kids getting older. I have to suck it up and get myself cheery again. It isn't easy.
But I digress. Make your own happiness. If that means separating from part of your family to do so, do it.
It seems curious that you say you never see your family and never spend holidays together, when you have been living with a bunch of them in a 2 bedroom trailer for years. Is that still the case or were you finally able to move?
If so, congratulations. You probably know that people with dysfunctional, dependent, addicted families like yours find happiness by creating their own "families" made up of their loving friends. If you are as social, fun and friendly as you say, there are probably dozens of people in your circle who would love to be your "family of choice."
It seems curious that you say you never see your family and never spend holidays together, when you have been living with a bunch of them in a 2 bedroom trailer for years. Is that still the case or were you finally able to move?
If so, congratulations. You probably know that people with dysfunctional, dependent, addicted families like yours find happiness by creating their own "families" made up of their loving friends. If you are as social, fun and friendly as you say, there are probably dozens of people in your circle who would love to be your "family of choice."
Yes we still live together but my sister is gone a lot with her husband. They move out then move back in. But my mom is going to prison soon so I don't really know whats going to happen.
I'm not the most perfect person but my whole life I have always had a sunny upbeat attitude. I love life and looking at the positive side. i think focusing to much on the negative just brings me down so i try to keep it upbeat and positive. i'm very family oriented and i love all holidays. Christmas is absolutely my fav holiday and its not just about the gifts, but about the spirit of Christmas. The songs, familys spending time with each other and just the spirit of it all. I dont have many friends but consider myself a social person and I love to meet new people and make new friends.
I know there are others like me out there. But it seems like when I find people who are like this that they seem to have familys to match. Now I know that all familys have their issues. No one has the perfect family or the perfect life and that what you see on peoples instagrams and facebooks arent always how it really is. But with people that i know, it seems like their familys actually want to spend time with one another. They are close and they vacation together and spent holidays together and they seem to share a simlilar attitude.
Now with people who have familys like mine, it seems like those people have similar attitudes. My family is closed off, not very friendly, and we dont spend much time with one another. I have made effort and tried, but they are unhappy people and they don't desire to be close to me or really with each other. We are not all sunny or happy together. We don't spend holidays together etc. I have noticed that ppl who have a similar family to mine end up the way their parents are. Maybe they are okay with it, not sure, but I don't meet to many people like me who are in a similar family situation.
I just my family wasn't so weird and awkward and awful but they are. They have good parts but most of it is bad. I struggle to get close to them and always have. I love my mom and my sister but they are very miserable with their lives.
I just wonder what people like me do about it. i guess we start familys of our own? How do we deal with holidays? How do we deal with life w/out haviing a supportive family? I start to think about this stuff everytime a holiday comes around and I start seeing more and more people together.
Good observation about families. Sorry to hear about yours
Grass is always greener on the other side. It is so true of families that envy that large clan.
I have been on both sides, and dont miss those big annual reunions on bit.
Too many personalities, and peopl in my business , i would rather pass. It may seem great, when you are young, but when older with your own family formed, you will see why its not so great.
When its your turn to have a family, create your tradition, customs, and ways of doing things. When you walk away from mommy and daddy, thats when its your show.
Upsadaisy, I can't think of another CD poster for whom I would like to see things work out more than you. You family has used and abused your kindness and hard work. But, happiness won't come until you leave your current situation behind, and make your own way on the world. There's no use hoping that your family will change, or that staying for the sake of your nephews will save them. Save yourself, and follow those dreams you have. I'm rooting for you.
My mom's family was not close and Altho not quite like yours did have some addiction issues. Mostly tho they just weren't close. She spent her her life unhappy that her big family wasn't close. Fortunately she married my dad and was welcomed into his close big family.
But what my mom could never see is that she had a group of close girlfriend she met when she met when she was probably 20 when they all worked together. And that they were like family. Sisters to her, aunts to me. Their kids like my cousins. She had that living family she wanted. They just weren't related to her.
Embrace the fact that your family isn't like you. Love them for who they are. But find a tribe of your own that can be your family. Family is more about heart than blood.
Yes we still live together but my sister is gone a lot with her husband. They move out then move back in. But my mom is going to prison soon so I don't really know whats going to happen.
What's going to happen is that you are going to stop complaining about your awful family and you are going to get a job and a roommate and get the hell out of the trailer park once and for all.
Aren't you?
At least with your mother in prison (ugh) you can have her car and the ability to drive yourself out of that town. Let the bank take the trailer.
(cue excuses)
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