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Good replies. Yes, I think things will be OK with this person, he's much more the "play it by ear" type. I just didn't know if I was being unusual in terms of looking at things that way myself.
I think that will work, last time I spoke to his mother who is also a good friend to me (she's my Aunt and my favorite one) she said that would likely work for him, she spoke of times they'd gone on vacation and he did his own thing on certain days separate from what they were doing and "joined in" from time to time as he felt the desire and no one had any issues. So all is likely to be fine (again, my mother is NOT GOING and will never go with us to another vacation again as far as I'm concerned).
He seems cool. Again, I didn't figure he'd be a problem, but IN CASE I was curious how others were about it. It was good to hear that many others are the "play it by ear" type and "we will do things together but not EVERYTHING" in their thinking.
You guys probably remember last year when we invited my mother & my best friend to join us on our annual vacation. It turned out to be a disaster because of my mother's moodiness, unsolicited advice with a nasty tone to it, and thinking it was supposed to be about her. Well, not to worry, she will NOT be joining us, however my best friend (my first cousin) who was there last year also possibly will be.
This best friend is far more easy going than she was, by far, last year she was at least 97% of the problem if not 100%. My only concern is this--some people when they visit you at their home or your vacation site, or you at theirs, tend to think everything is done "together." I don't think he's like that so much, but I am just checking to see how others are about that when they vacation.
Me, I'm more "free flowing" about it. Obviously we will spend LOTS of time doing things together, otherwise why bother, but we aren't compelled to do EVERYTHING together. As long as we are in touch throughout to me that's fine. So if we get up and he's gone fishing maybe he'll leave a note, if we call and he doesn't answer his phone then leave a text message or a Facebook message then when he calls back we'll say what we're doing and when we'll likely be back (or if he wants to meet us at what we're doing that's fine) or maybe when we finish what we're doing we'll return to our cabin (he has his own cabin if he comes) and meet up for lunch etc and take it from there with respect to any other plans where we may then do things together.
I think that will work, last time I spoke to his mother who is also a good friend to me (she's my Aunt and my favorite one) she said that would likely work for him, she spoke of times they'd gone on vacation and he did his own thing on certain days separate from what they were doing and "joined in" from time to time as he felt the desire and no one had any issues. So all is likely to be fine (again, my mother is NOT GOING and will never go with us to another vacation again as far as I'm concerned).
I am just curious how OTHERS are in such situations.
As a PS to this if you will--to this day my mother and I, in my eyes, it hasn't been the same since. She has never apologized for ANYTHING she did last year, not even just sorry that she struggles with anger and wishes it weren't that way but she's trying and can I please try and be OK with her as she works on it, or how her tone ruined the vacation even if I could've done things differently--NOTHING. (And my 1st cousin-best friend, in retrospect, mostly agrees with me that her presence spoiled things awfully.) I used to call her once a month, now it's more like every 3 months and the phone calls are shorter. She speaks of wanting to visit later this year, I'll probably allow it but instead of looking forward to it my mind is more on how long she'll be here until she's gone.
Tell your cousin you want to talk about the vacation. Tell him "this is how I see it, this is what I really need":
"Me, I'm more "free flowing" about it. Obviously we will spend LOTS of time doing things together, otherwise why bother, but we aren't compelled to do EVERYTHING together. As long as we are in touch throughout to me that's fine. So if we get up and you're gone fishing maybe you'll leave a note, if we call and you don't answer your phone then leave a text message or a Facebook message then when you call back we'll say what we're doing and when we'll likely be back (or if you want to meet us at what we're doing that's fine) or maybe when we finish what we're doing we'll return to our cabin (you has his own cabin if you come) and meet up for lunch etc and take it from there with respect to any other plans where we may then do things together.
I think that will work."
Life's too short and vacations too costly to use the time having a bad time and return home exhausted, and not pleasantly exhausted.
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