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In a couple weeks a young couple, very dear to our hearts, is marrying. They aren't family, but we care a lot about them and they are always there to help us out. One is a part time employee for us for the past year+ and always goes above and beyond and has become a close friend. They work hard to make ends meet and aren't frivolous. Their wedding is going to be very basic (a short church wedding followed by a back yard BBQ). But they had a large unexpected bill and had to cancel their (low cost) honeymoon to pay for it.
My husband and I had decided to give them 1k for a wedding gift...which I think is a lot to them (Its a lot to most people, us included but we can part with some savings). But we really wanted to show our appreciation and our best wishes. I felt really good realizing, if they wish, they can take a last minute (frugal) honeymoon.
I was talking to the bride today and she never complains to me about money but today was sharing how stressed she was. Canceling the honeymoon, the photographer, some of the food. And they still are late on rent. I feel like this wedding gift could get them all caught up so that at least they would be able to relax.
Let me reiterate, all included this wedding is well under 1k. They are living in their means, they just had a set back
So I was thinking...maybe I should give them their wedding gift now? I had a big plan on how to give them this gift...but maybe it would be more helpful to give it now. But then I think...maybe if I do that, they will think every time they stress about money, I will give them a gift. So that is should closely be tide with a big event.
I am very generous and many times I have looked like a cash cow to people. I really want to avoid that happening again.
At least in my area, most wedding guests send their wedding gifts to the bride (or sometimes the groom) before the wedding. Why would giving them a gift of money before the wedding be that different? I would think that a check, in a wedding card, would not give them the idea that you would bail them out of other financial jams. And, then they could use the money for the wedding or honeymoon if they wanted to do that.
Just one comment, I am sure that you have thought a lot about your gift but are you 100% sure that the couple would not be embarrassed by your overwhelming generosity?
I think you can make it clear that it's a wedding gift, not the result of them being short on cash.
By me, cash and checks are what is usually given for a wedding and it's usually given on the day of but I would not think something of it if someone sent me something earlier.
Initially I thought you should give it to them now but after seeing your concern about them thinking you are the money tree, I'm not so sure. Obviously you know them well, do you think they'll turn to you after every financial stumble? It would be nice to give it to them early to help with the wedding bills and hopefully they'll appreciate it for what it is and not expect more if the need every arises again.
I agree with the other posters who said to send the gift to them before the wedding. Most people send the gift to the couple before the nuptials now. Also, that is very generous of you, and I imagine that your gift will mean more to them then you will ever know!
It doesn't sound like her financial problems will be solved within the next two weeks. If a thousand dollars is going to make or break you, then you're not in a great place financially (I say this without judgement, by the way, because I've been in those shoes before).
So that is why I am curious why you are afraid she will hit you up for money the next time she's on the brink. Obviously this is a very generous wedding gift, but it's still a wedding gift, a one-time thing. It would be a completely different story if the gift was not tied to an occasion
It's a very, very kind gesture and I think giving it to them a bit before the wedding is a great idea.
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