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Doesn't it seem obvious that maybe you need to be a little more assertive? And more specific?
When they say "Let's get together, " you in turn say - "I'd love to, but I know you're busy with family things. When tends to be best for you? Weekdays or weekends? Would lunch work for you? Or do you want to cruise the Labor Day sales with me?"
I just don't get it. I reach out to people and they either don't respond or make and excuse and then say "Lets get together soon though". So I say let me know when you are free.....most have kids and after reaching out so much I leave it to them since they are a lot more busy with kids. So I never hear from them. I see pics of them with other friends or at a place near by me but they never reach out saying they are near by. Then out of the blue I might hear from one of them and I don't respond just because I'm frustrated what fair weather friends they are....then boom, they've unfriended me. How do I keep friends when they never respond and/or make an excuse but then if I don't respond to them once....they act as if I'm the bad friend?
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I'd suggest some counseling as well. Not responding when someone DOES have the time or energy to contact you is a really manipulative passive-aggressive technique.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 08-27-2017 at 08:37 PM..
Reason: FB posts no longer allowed in this forum..see sticky rule
I have to wonder if after having kids those parents only associate with other parents who have kids?
Quote:
Originally Posted by jojo775
I just don't get it. I reach out to people and they either don't respond or make and excuse and then say "Lets get together soon though". So I say let me know when you are free.....most have kids and after reaching out so much I leave it to them since they are a lot more busy with kids. So I never hear from them. I see pics of them with other friends or at a place near by me but they never reach out saying they are near by. Then out of the blue I might hear from one of them and I don't respond just because I'm frustrated what fair weather friends they are....then boom, they've unfriended me . How do I keep friends when they never respond and/or make an excuse but then if I don't respond to them once....they act as if I'm the bad friend?
Last edited by Miss Blue; 08-27-2017 at 08:37 PM..
Some of it could be economic related issues. Who knows. You made your decision when you didn't respond. Maybe they really were in a better position to socialize when they messaged back. You will never know. Friendships are funny that way as I look back.
Honestly Jojo, I doubt your friends that have children even mean to snub you. The truth is, when you have a child your life, life goes in a totally different direction. I really don't have too many friends that don't have children, because they like to do different things. Single friends: go to a bar, shoot pool 'til 2am. Friends with children, go to Chucky cheese so kids are occupied and you can have a beer wi/ an adult. I'm not saying I wouldn't make time for other friends, it's just natural to move on. My suggestion: make friends that like to do the same things as you, find what you're interested in and start talking to others with the same interest and if you want to stay in contact with 'said' friends that take forever to get back to you then lighten up, don't take it so personally...
You are being told the truth. Your friends apparently have moved on with their lives, married with children. They now have different wants and needs once the children come on the scene. They have outgrown you, and your and their lives no longer mesh as they did when you were all single. Instead of girls nights out, it is family nights out. The friends they socialize with have kids, and they have something in common. Instead of going to a bar with girl friends and spend a few dollars, they reserve those dollars for things for their family and family times.. Their husbands do not approve of them going out for a few drinks and dancing with their single women friends. They have left the things that single people without children do, behind them and moved on with their lives.
Honestly Jojo, I doubt your friends that have children even mean to snub you. The truth is, when you have a child your life, life goes in a totally different direction. I really don't have too many friends that don't have children, because they like to do different things. Single friends: go to a bar, shoot pool 'til 2am. Friends with children, go to Chucky cheese so kids are occupied and you can have a beer wi/ an adult. I'm not saying I wouldn't make time for other friends, it's just natural to move on. My suggestion: make friends that like to do the same things as you, find what you're interested in and start talking to others with the same interest and if you want to stay in contact with 'said' friends that take forever to get back to you then lighten up, don't take it so personally...
I don't have kids and I don't go to bars or shoot pool until 2am. Just because you don't have kids doesn't mean you are a barhopper. It seems like there are lots of assumptions on BOTH sides about what people do if they have kids/don't have kids. If people were open minded about activities, then I think friendships could be maintained. Most of my friends have kids because I'm open to doing activities with kids and some activities without kids.
The OP hasn't even said what she is interested in. Most adults don't lose their core interests just because they have kids. There are also plenty of ways to still pursue your interests even if you have kids. I don't consider "going to a bar and shooting pool until 2am" an interest.
Hi! It seems you may have offended them. They do not sound like great friends! If they were good friends, then they would sit you down and discuss this with you. Some people can be offended by the silliest things. You may never know why if they are the types to hold grudges and were not a good friend to begin with!
Are these friends that you see them (gotta love Facebook) getting together with ALSO married with children? Quite likely they don't feel they have much - if anything - in common with other friends who aren't married with children and vice-versa...
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