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My son and daughter have moved several times since college graduation. They know how to write thank you notes -- it was drummed into their brains as soon as they were able to sign their name. At Christmas and birthdays, no gifts could be played with until the thank you note was written. But invariably, a grandparent will forget a move (even though we've told them) and send it to the wrong address. The USPS takes a LONG time to return a letter, if they ever do. Or, they will misaddress it. (One time my son's birthday card ended up at a homeless shelter in D.C., that happened to be on the same street, but NE instead of NW. It was two months before it found its way to him, when his grandmother complained, and then realized that she had the wrong address. It was waiting for him when he went by to see if it was still there!)
My daughter sent a thank you note and had it returned two months later -- no discernible reason. She brought it with her to a holiday dinner, to prove that she had written it -- because, don't you know *I* had heard about it? I suggested that perhaps calling the birthday girl might be more productive than calling me.
One grandparent threatened to not send birthday cards/checks if they weren't acknowledged. A quick text to say, "Got you birthday card, thank you!" followed up by a phone call with thanks and a chat was not enough. NO -- it had to be a thank you NOTE. Ok, whatever. I've washed my hands of it -- let the grandkids and the grandmothers duke it out. Oddly enough, neither grandparent bothers to write thank you notes for Christmas or birthday gifts from their grandchildren . . .
You're kidding right?
That's wonderful that YOUR KIDS were raised knowing to send thank you notes. I was raised the same way, even as a kid if I got a gift my brother and I were told never say "I already have this", just say thank you. They also got a thank you card.
You "hound" the parents by saying "Hey, never heard back from Linda and her husband for the $250 check I sent for the wedding, it cleared the bank, didn't you teach them to say thank you".
You think everyone was raised with manners? They're not.
Same thing happened to us on multiple occasions, only I was giving $200. I've never gotten a thank you. We no longer give graduation, wedding or shower cash gifts.
You said we live in an entitlement society and I think that's true, but I also think it's more than that. I just don't know exactly what.
It can't be "Oh, the kids are all into electronic communication these days, no handwritten letters" -- we all have email. If email is too passe, then there are texts.
I am forced to conclude it's sheer laziness.
I think you're right, it's entitlement combined with laziness.
Funny how they're not too lazy when it comes to driving to the bank to deposit the check. Surely there is a CVS or Target close by, you know to buy a thank you card....or even an email or text, takes all of 10 seconds.
I think you're right, it's entitlement combined with laziness.
Funny how they're not too lazy when it comes to driving to the bank to deposit the check. Surely there is a CVS or Target close by, you know to buy a thank you card....or even an email or text, takes all of 10 seconds.
I haven't driven to a bank to deposit a check in years! I deposit them on my phone in the comfort of my living room.
They sound super passive-aggressive. I would just let this go. I mean you COULD follow up as others suggested if you have an emotional investment in these people and it's out of character for them, but facebook games and their silence and lack of engagement make me wonder why you'd bother.
If they were true friends, they'd have approached you about what was wrong or at least found a way of letting you know.
Shame on you that you let 6 months go by and only because you are "missing" a gift feel the need to contact someone. If the terms you were on with them were as you say, (going by your description of your friends) they never should have been invited to the shower to begin with. Never understood a shower, either bridal or baby when there are a cast of thousands invited,
I really have to wonder if these are friends or acquaintances?
Many today(mostly due to social media) throw the word friend around way too quickly, when they have known someone a few weeks. Or they know them from a Meetup group that they never see outside their Meetup group.
These are acquaintances.
OP seems to be done with this thread, but I really do wonder how long and how close they really were, doesn't sound too close at all.
Tired of dealing with people who don't have the common decency to act like adults and discuss what is going on but instead leaving you feeling like you did something wrong when you don't even know what it is! The fact that you're still referring to these people as your 'friends' is really sad.They obviously don't respect or care about the friendship to at least talk to you about what is bugging..sound mainly the guy's wife Q.
lol this thread really blew up...I got my answer within the first page and actually requested a mod close it.
I guess I wasn't as clear in my original posts as I said I really didn't want to ask about the presents, but rather get them myself and if we do ever come into contact with these people and we get them, we would just return the extras....
Like many have said, it makes sense why I wouldn't be comfortable asking these people for presents but my wife held off on getting these items for a while under the impression they were indeed bought as shown on the registry, so it was just a matter of time before someone would get them.
A lot of people who missed the shower came by to visit the baby with a present that was from the registry, so that belief wasn't completely farfetched. It's not like we were going to barge into their house and hold them at gunpoint to give us the gifts. It seemed it was another symptom of something else that was going on.
Actually, OP, you were pretty clear in your initial post. Reading comprehension is not some people's strongest ability. You've gotten some really nutty assumptions thrown at you that have no relation to what you wrote.
Nine months prior, you and your wife had a great time with the couple. Six months ago, they bought you gifts from your registry - obviously they still liked you at that point. Then the shower happened. THEN the wife started ignoring your wife on Facebook and deleting her comments, even when your wife was complimenting her.
Going by the timing of events, it sure sounds like they believe you received the gifts and are miffed that they never got a thank you note.
I would start by asking Target if they were supposed to ship the gift directly to you. If they were supposed to, then it's safe to let the couple know what happened.
If not, then I would text the husband and tell him you two were on your way to buy those items, and were told by Target that they had purchased them from your registry. You can even give them an "out" by pretending that Target may have mistakenly marked the items off the registry.
Either they will be relieved to find that you aren't really ungrateful entitled people who didn't bother to thank them . . . or you will find out that they decided not to send them because they don't want to be friends anymore.
If the latter, then what difference does it make? You really have nothing to lose at this point. If the former, then you might get your friends back.
I know that I'd want to know if someone didn't receive a gift I sent.
Personally, I wouldn't be checking up on my registry to see who bought what. That comes across very selfish and ... ick.
Also ... a true and sincere friend would not delete your comments on fb or deliberately single you out to ignore you. I keep very clear distinctions in my life. Those in my circle, and those out of it. "Friends" like your "friends" are not friends.
Last edited by SouthernProper; 09-24-2017 at 03:40 PM..
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