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I agree a smile and a short simple response or a bit humour goes a long way in setting a healthy boundary without sacrificing friendships or relationships.
Okay, so I'm about 1 year out from retiring with my husband who is 9 years older than me. He's pretty close to the age one would retire at while not being too old. Because I'm younger, people who I thought were my "friends" and made the mistake of sharing this bit of information to when the subject was brought up, are now constantly say I'm too "young" to retire. I have now started being asked the following questions:
"We don't know. We can't know how we'll feel until the time comes. We plan to keep open minds."
--What am I going to do when I retire?
"First day, probably sleep in, then see how I feel."
--How could I possibly afford to retire?
"We think it's doable if we don't waste money."
--Are you leaving the state?
"Maybe. Not sure."
--You're not old enough to start receiving your company pension are you?
"Not sure. I'll have to check into it, though."
--Are you going to get a part-time job?
"Not sure. Depends how busy I need to feel."
Just keep being vague until they get tired of vague. When they ask unbearably intrusive questions, ask yourself whether you really care what they think and whether their annoyance would make your last year there suck. If it would, don't chide them. If you really don't care what they think, ask them whether it has ever crossed their mind how rude it is to ask someone for details of their personal finances, at least in US culture, and would they mind showing you their bank and brokerage statements?
I swear, these days it's between the employees and the bosses for what sucks most about the American workplace.
Just about all retirees get the exact same questions from co-workers and friends! The earth isn't going to end because of it and people are not going to quit asking. Simple, polite, non-committal answers work. You don't have to give them your life details. I agree that many people ask because they daydream about this far off goal and wonder what they would do.
Ironically, even in a very impersonal workplace retirement wishful thinking may be the ONE thing workers have in common.
"We don't know. We can't know how we'll feel until the time comes. We plan to keep open minds."
--What am I going to do when I retire?
"First day, probably sleep in, then see how I feel."
--How could I possibly afford to retire?
"We think it's doable if we don't waste money."
--Are you leaving the state?
"Maybe. Not sure."
--You're not old enough to start receiving your company pension are you?
"Not sure. I'll have to check into it, though."
--Are you going to get a part-time job?
"Not sure. Depends how busy I need to feel."
Just keep being vague until they get tired of vague. When they ask unbearably intrusive questions, ask yourself whether you really care what they think and whether their annoyance would make your last year there suck. If it would, don't chide them. If you really don't care what they think, ask them whether it has ever crossed their mind how rude it is to ask someone for details of their personal finances, at least in US culture, and would they mind showing you their bank and brokerage statements?
I swear, these days it's between the employees and the bosses for what sucks most about the American workplace.
How is being passive aggressively vague going to be at all helpful in this situation? The OP still has to work with them until retirement. It's not hard to say something like you're still working out the details, but are looking forward to the next phase of your life without giving any more information than that. Even when it gets near the actual date, you can still say you're going to take some time to relax and work out the details now that you have free time without going into further details about anything else.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 4 days ago)
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Reputation: 50640
I don't understand the OP's question, although I've read the OP through a couple times.
What am I missing?
Is there something you're trying to hide, for example, you will be moving to an area that doesn't enjoy a good reputation and it will be obvious this is a big step down for you?
Or have you suddenly come into a great deal of money, and your answers to these questions will reveal a big step up that you'd rather keep private?
I agree with those who say it would be awkward of people not to pretend to be interested and ask polite questions like, will you be moving? Do you have retirement plans?
That's just how people act, to show that they are social and feign interest (or maybe they actually are interested) in your well being.
Your post seems odd. First you describe a person who has an abnormal need for privacy, and then later you describe yourself as very outgoing.
So, we went thru this at retirement time, too. But my impression is that the majority of curiousity was because inevitably all workers do retire and everyone is forming plans in their minds. Your plans are extremely interesting to others, as they too will face the same issues and maybe you have some good ideas.
I like Spuggy's answers; but also a bit of humor works as another option. How I answered:
Q: How can you afford to retire? A: I know, right? Sometimes, I'm afraid we'll starve. Keep your fingers crossed for us that our savings stretches out until we go out toes up!
Q: What are your going to do? A: SLEEP IN!! HA HA. Other than that, we're going to try and get some exercise and read some great books and see some sights.
Q: Are you leaving the State? A: Have at least 20 years to decide! What would you do?
Q: Are you going to get a part-time job? A: If we run out of money and are healthy we'll consider it.....who knows.....I always thought I'd be a good Wal-mart door greeter!
ROFL!!!!
These answers are the BEST! lolololol! You're killing me! The comic relief on C-D sometimes is priceless! "What are you going to do?" "SLEEP IN!!" hahahahahahaha! LOVE IT!
hee hee. I was going to suggest, for "how can you afford to retire", saying "Decades of pinching pennies, and savvy investing. I'm a bit of a stock market whiz, but before you ask--I never give out hot tips." All delivered with a smile.
But World Klas' truly World Klas responses have inspired me.
"How can you afford it, so early in life?" ---"VEGAS! And Indian casinos. My hubby is a numbers guy and a card sharp, so he cleans up whenever we go. We're making it our hobby for extra cash in retirement. "
All other answers can follow that theme. e.g. "Are you leaving the state?" "We're getting a used RV, and are going to cruise the country, hitting all the casinos. It's gonna be one big, non-stop PARTAY! They give you free food, you know, to keep you playing"
haha. Great fun! Get jiggy with it, OP. And enjoy your retirement, lol!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,727,010 times
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I've had coworkers retire and my mother will retire in the next couple of years. It has never dawned on me to interrogate (yes that word was used on purpose) them about their plans because if they wanted me to know anything about their plans they typically volunteer that information. Hell, they wont shut up about it usually. think basically not your money, not your business and I'd not be hesitant to remind people of this.
My last day at work is next Friday. They had cake for me on Thursday, and our manager asked me what was OK to say about my plans because he didn't want to violate my privacy. People have expressed a wish they could retire, too, and have asked me in a general sense what I was going to be doing but I've never felt interrogated. I think people generally mean well, they just don't know where the boundaries are sometimes.
Since you said you don't share much with coworkers because you're a private person, everyone probably is more curious about you and your plans than they would be if you were more gregarious. I like the suggestions here that you come up with some generic answers for people. That's what I do if someone asks something I don't want to answer: "Oh, I have some plans that I'm still working on". Very few people will push things past that point unless they're absolutely clueless.
I personally am more concerned with my dealing with my own emotional stuff related to retirement right now, than with what others around me are thinking of it.
HaHa, I got this question a lot when I announced my retirement. My answer was always:
WHATEVER I WANT TO!!!!!!!!!
A younger friend has five kids, all millennials. I always tell them when I see them, thanks for supporting me through their continued payments into social security and medicare -- and that I plan on living a long, long time.
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The comic relief on C-D sometimes is priceless! "What are you going to do?" "SLEEP IN!!" hahahahahahaha! LOVE IT!
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