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Picture it : parents don't get along with daughter in law. Daughter in law secretly plans birthday party for her husband with brother in law (parents older son), at brother in law's house, and parents are neither told, nor invited. Should the parents feel disrespected? Should there be hurt feelings?
Picture it : parents don't get along with daughter in law. Daughter in law secretly plans birthday party for her husband with brother in law (parents older son), at brother in law's house, and parents are neither told, nor invited. Should the parents feel disrespected? Should there be hurt feelings?
If they found out after the fact, then I wouldn't be surprised if they were hurt by their older son-- unless they too are estranged from the older son. If not, it does seem strange he would go along with this.
As for DIL and the parents, it's already a difficult situation and the non invitation only fuels it. Of course there's going to be hurt feelings.
Thanks for the replies. Purpose of the thread: just looking for unbiased opinions because the mother was told it's no big deal and there is no reason to be upset, which I completely disagree with.
I much prefer getting together with my sisters- and brothers-in-law WITHOUT my parents-in-law being there. We don't get along that great either, but it's because they are pretty self-centered and don't understand ANY of the jokes & cultural references we share, etc.
So I can understand having a birthday party that was just our peers ... people our own age ... without inviting the parents.
But I would also have some kind of family get-together they were invited to.
Picture it : parents don't get along with daughter in law. Daughter in law secretly plans birthday party for her husband with brother in law (parents older son), at brother in law's house, and parents are neither told, nor invited. Should the parents feel disrespected? Should there be hurt feelings?
Not necessarily. Depends on the type of party it was. If it’s a night of 20-something friends sitting around getting drunk, I wouldn’t assume that parents are invited or would even want to be.
It all depends on what the family expects of birthdays. In our family, totally unimportant. We get together whenever.
If the parents expect to be invited to every single party for every single event, well that is pretty much something they need to get over because of the needs of new families with their own parents and other relatives. Just wait for the Xmas fireworks.
It was a sneaky, disrespectful and not helpful in family relationships in the long term. She could have arranged a small afternoon birthday lunch with the parents at a restaurant that is naturally time limited and then a party for her husband that is for his peer group.
What the wife did was put her husband in an awkward situation with his parents.
Yes, I can see the parents being somewhat hurt at being deliberately left out, especially if they had said, "Oh, what are you doing for your birthday?" and the party people had been evasive. After all, he wouldn't be having a birthday if it wasn't for them. :-)
Hard to judge the relationship between the daughter-in-law and the parents -- it could be a nasty DIL, or it could be difficult parents. If nasty DIL, then shame on her. If difficult parents, then what do they expect for not embracing DIL?
Yes, I can see the parents being somewhat hurt at being deliberately left out, especially if they had said, "Oh, what are you doing for your birthday?" and the party people had been evasive. After all, he wouldn't be having a birthday if it wasn't for them. :-)
Hard to judge the relationship between the daughter-in-law and the parents -- it could be a nasty DIL, or it could be difficult parents. If nasty DIL, then shame on her. If difficult parents, then what do they expect for not embracing DIL?
I agree , hard to judge but I do think if the parents are difficult then the dil being sneaky is not helping, she could simply arrange a special lunch date for her husband and just his parents. It's not the lack of invitation as much as being secretive 😟
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: parents don't get along with daughter in law. Daughter in law secretly plans birthday party for her husband with brother in law (parents older son), at brother in law's house, and parents are neither told, nor invited. Should the parents feel disrespected? Should there be hurt feelings?
