Am I wrong to be honest? (friendship, feel)

[bellakin123]

Originally Posted by Sreysrey

You are right, I never ask for her help since I don't have that dramatic life. She said it is sad that I let this itsy bitsy small things ruin our friendship. I start to realize now people are who they are because of their choices in life.

I'm more happier now when I can break free from her haha

Count me in with the other nopes. Misery loves company. I detach myself from toxic people who thrive on drama that they create themselves, especially when they turn to you for advice and don't take any of it.


Enjoy your happiness!

[LookinForMayberry]

Originally Posted by Sreysrey

We are childhood friend and reconnected back for 7 years now. Throughout this 7 years I heard nothing but her venting, drama, baby daddy, ex, new men issues. Of course, I had fun hanging out with her but recently I feel her issues are just same old same old. Whenever we hang out I treated 80% of the time because she always broke.

I listen, I gave advices and nothing is improving. I feel this is going nowhere and I 'm tired of hearing same dramas so I take a break from her slowly. She started to ask questions and I told her nicely without the real reason..I'm busy. When she started to push my button I told the truth and she said I'm not being there for her. All I need to do is just listen. Eerrr no! I know she is hurt but I'm done listening! It is like she OD me with her dramas. I feel so free after taking a break from her. Should I handle it differently?

Maybe it was not what you said, but how you said.

That said, I certainly understand feeling trapped by others' bad choices. It's called co-dependency. My advice to you would be to maintain the distance. After all is said and done, you cannot be "there" unless she is there for herself.

[NickofDiamonds]

You may be wrong by being honest but in the long run you'll be better at getting a goodnights sleep because you won't be worrying about people finding out about all the lies you've been trying to keep alive.

[winston1972]

I agree with a previous poster that unfortunately friendships run their course. My BFF since 2nd grade in college started to date bad guys, wear provacative clothing and was all about the club scene. This along with her general childish attitude and other poor decisions caused us to drift apart. Twenty years later she's still a toxic brew of pathology so no point in re-engaging. It sad sometimes to lose what once was a close friend but friendship is a to way street. It sounds like you were only one the emotional giving side and receiving nothing but strife back for it.

[MinivanDriver]

Originally Posted by Sreysrey

We are childhood friend and reconnected back for 7 years now. Throughout this 7 years I heard nothing but her venting, drama, baby daddy, ex, new men issues. Of course, I had fun hanging out with her but recently I feel her issues are just same old same old. Whenever we hang out I treated 80% of the time because she always broke.

I listen, I gave advices and nothing is improving. I feel this is going nowhere and I 'm tired of hearing same dramas so I take a break from her slowly. She started to ask questions and I told her nicely without the real reason..I'm busy. When she started to push my button I told the truth and she said I'm not being there for her. All I need to do is just listen. Eerrr no! I know she is hurt but I'm done listening! It is like she OD me with her dramas. I feel so free after taking a break from her. Should I handle it differently?

No. You told her something that, hopefully, will make her think.

Is this really a friend? Hey, we're supposed to be there for our friends when they hit a rough patch. But when you have an acquaintance who does nothing but makes awful decisions and then expects you to deal with the consequences, she is dumping on you. It is a one-way friendship. And users like that will eventually drag you down with them.

Here's the question I have. Does this friend ever listen to you? Ever do anything for you? Ever been there for you?

[SouthernProper]

Those people have no place in my life. Why?

#1. I don't have room for them.
#2. I don't make room for them.

[Sreysrey]

Originally Posted by MinivanDriver

No. You told her something that, hopefully, will make her think.


Here's the question I have. Does this friend ever listen to you? Ever do anything for you? Ever been there for you?

Let me start from the beginning of when she came back into my life so all the questions are answered or so I hope. Time event are not exact, I am trying to track the memories back.

I was still living with my parents, I want my own room since all the kids shared room and thus my friend started to contact me and we hung out. That was our first contact after a long separation. She was happy, successful, no drama yet. About 2 years passed she contacted me again with a new number. She told me she is pregnant and I was surprised because I wouldn't thought that she is this type of girl that would have a kid before marriage. The girl I remembered before we got separated was shy, innocent, quiet. She was driving her new car that she got for 4 months and we did some catch up including who the baby daddy was. Months passed on we didn't connect until I got a new text with a new number saying it was her. By that time she had given birth and more drama came into her life.

She lost the car in that short time frame because her baby daddy aka ex drove the car and got into an accident making it a total loss. Also, he took the baby and prohibited her from seeing her baby by living with another girl and that baby grow up during his infant year knowing that girl as his "mom." I tried to understand her life and supported her emotionally because she can't see her baby, lost her job, lost her car, depressed, got cheated on, etc. I got worried for her because she told me at one point in her life she want to kill herself and I don't want her to do that so I tried to be there as much as I can for her helping her get stronger while she fought her ways trying to get her baby back. I also asked her sister to watch her just in case she gone suicidal again. At the same time I have health issue of my own, trying to stay strong because I have auto immune disorder that make me weak. At home I feel toxic because everything at home annoyed me plus sharing room with sibling made it worst when I want peace and quiet and sis were always loud.

Friend need a job, I took her to a job agency that is 30 mins away. She got the job that is 1 hour commute from home. I was happy to see her got back up and focus on her life first while she was still trying to get her baby back. She asked everyone she knows friends or family to take her to work while she can save up to get another car. By this time her baby was 1 year old.

Because she knew I want to move out and she herself just got a new job, she asked me to be her roommate. I was thrilled because I will have my own room finally. We moved in together and I didn't thought of more drama ahead of us since I was over shadow by my new freedom from family.

Before we moved in we agreed no boy allowed or anyone allowed, pay rent on time. By this time, she got her baby back and asked her parents to babysit him while she work. The drama between her and ex gotten worst to court. When no one can pick her up, I pick her from work after my shift and I cannot drive at night but I managed anyway. I told her I can't be doing this, it take a toll on my health so she rented a car to go to work. She rented for 1 week but over used it for 3 weeks and oh boy the price of that rental. On top of that she has no rent money for the 4th month so I paid for it.

To make it worst, she got a scam call from so call police department saying they will arrest her if she don't pay $2,000 for something which I don't remember. She called me that night when I was very weak and almost got into car accident because I cannot see the road from over working myself but I never told her about this incident. When I told her I have no money she borrowed from her brother. She got home, told me the whole story and that was when I realize my friend is stupid lol. So no rent money for 5th month, on me again.

She met an old friend who happened to work at a car dealership and this friend can help her get a car with bad credit and no down payment so we went to the dealership and I waited in the car for 3 hours because it was crowded with people and no seats and I can't stand crowd. Hurry she got a car! And I thought everything will be good now. She finally got a car, her baby is back, got a job, promised to pay me back, what could be worst right? I was wrong.

She and ex started to reconcile while still fighting who will have the custody of the baby in court. Ex was and still is a dead beat loser in my eyes, no job, been in jail many times and she wanted to be with him because he is the father. She sneaked him in at night while I was asleep and when I found out I confronted her but she said he had no where to go. I started to secretly look for a new place. My health has gotten worst, in the hospital for 2 weeks.

Coming back home and he was still there. I don't felt comfortable and moved out into my new home this time I vowed not to have any roommate. I left her knowing she has many unresolved issues but still remain friend because we were friend since kid. I myself didn't know that I can pay rent alone, I pat myself on the back for that lolz.

Years passed and 1 year ago she contacted me again with new number. My heart has forgiven her and silly me got myself into the mess again. Nowadays, I don't work and drive anymore, I'm on disability. Beside my sisters who are driving me around, it is my friend who willing to take me places whenever she is free from work. So we did more catch up; she is better, going back to school, working, being the best mom she can be. I told her if it wasn't for her, I will never have the courage to moved out so I thanks her. The only venting and drama I have is about family and she listened. Until recently, for some reason I got fed up with her problems and started to get distance from her and this is how it's all ended.

Whew! Didn't know story was this long. I am not going to respond to anymore question because right now I am feeling very happy and want to let this end here.

Thank you all for reading and post your thought in here! I am feeling hungry so gotta eat....

[Luckystrike1]

Originally Posted by Sreysrey

My answer lately is "I don't know this is your life" "figure it out" because I'm sick and tired of her same stories and not sticking to what she said she will do.

I don't blame you. Sounds like she wants someone to wave a magic wand and fix things FOR her. She asks for advice and doesn't listen. But you seem prepared for things to fizzle, and that's good.

[convextech]

Originally Posted by Sreysrey

my friend started to contact me and we hung out. That was our first contact after a long separation.
...
she contacted me again with a new number. She told me she is pregnant
...
I got a new text with a new number saying it was her. By that time she had given birth and more drama came into her life.
...
1 year ago she contacted me again with new number. My heart has forgiven her and silly me got myself into the mess again.

Your friend is a user, a mooch, a scrub. I don't care how "successful" she is right now, she will always be a hot mess, and if you want to have a stress-free life, you need to kick her to the curb.

[I love boots.]

I think she gets back in touch with you once she wears out everyone else in her life. Why do you like people like this? I think it is a fair question. Don't we all know people that like to have dependent leachy people around? Maybe it makes them feel needed. By your description of how involved your really have become in her problems I think it has been your choice to be where you are at with this. Any change is up to you.