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I mean people you meet who never let you get a word in. Those people who go on and on about themselves, their lives, their families, their jobs, etc etc. Why can't people understand it takes two to have a conversation? I am sick of meeting people who think they don't need to hear anything I have to say. And even when I do get in a word or two, they always bring the conversation back to them. Not all that stuff is interesting to me and I just nod my head and they go on and on.
I do have trouble getting out of these encounters. I don't like to be rude but good grief. It isn't all about you all the time.
OP, we've had several threads on this topic in the last 6 months or so, some pretty recently. Some are in the Psychology forum. You could do a search for "narcissism", which would bring up at least a couple of them (along with other threads not specifically about dominating conversations).
The funny thing is I always hear people complain about talkers.
I'm not sure if you're referring to EXTREME cases of what you describe, but in my experience, talkers are much more popular than persons who prefer an equal exchange.
Perhaps it's because they can always keep the conversation alive or can make people laugh with their crazy stories. People want to be entertained and don't like awkward gaps.
For example, I work with a guy who lives for working groups of people with his wild and crazy stories. Most of the conversation you get in just redirects him to his next wild story.
My conversations are more even... "What did you do this weekend?" "Oh, you like that kind of music?"
And he is a much more popular guy than I am.
The people I know who dominate the conversation are avoided by family members, and some of their friends drift away. The marathon talkers don't notice, though. It doesn't dawn on them that their own siblings or kids avoid them, and that the reason they don't hear from certain friends anymore is because of their compulsive talking.
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Originally Posted by jobaba
The funny thing is I always hear people complain about talkers.
I'm not sure if you're referring to EXTREME cases of what you describe, but in my experience, talkers are much more popular than persons who prefer an equal exchange.
Perhaps it's because they can always keep the conversation alive or can make people laugh with their crazy stories. People want to be entertained and don't like awkward gaps.
For example, I work with a guy who lives for working groups of people with his wild and crazy stories. Most of the conversation you get in just redirects him to his next wild story.
My conversations are more even... "What did you do this weekend?" "Oh, you like that kind of music?"
And he is a much more popular guy than I am.
Very interesting post, jobaba. Because there are those people, storytellers, who attract an audience. And they talk and talk, but it's ok. It's interesting enough, and they're kind of full of themselves and irritating, but you'll hear a good story. There's some value in that.
There are others, which I think the OP is referring to, who corner you and are boring and won't shut up and they have nothing of interest to say. In that case, if it's at a party, I say "oh have you had a chance to get food? I'm hungry, going to get a plate" and then ditch them. "I really have to use the restroom", and then ditch them. If you're stuck sitting next to them on an airplane, fake a migraine and go to sleep.
But yeah. It's better if you have an actual conversation.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
The people I know who dominate the conversation are avoided by family members, and some of their friends drift away. The marathon talkers don't notice, though. It doesn't dawn on them that their own siblings or kids avoid them, and that the reason they don't hear from certain friends anymore is because of their compulsive talking.
Ruth, I always value your opinion, but I think "marathon talkers" do know. They're like addicts to the attention they get while talking, and all the while they know they're irritating others. They just can't stop.
On the other hand, I have a friend who talks a LOT. A LOT. But if anyone else says something, she asks all kinds of follow up questions and encourages them to speak and opine.
It's a different experience when someone is just chatty chatty chatty but they are absolutely wiling to yield the conversation to others, vs. people who insist they talk all the time and even will raise their voice to talk over others trying to converse. Yuck. I believe I need to refresh my tea, see you later.
I tend to run on but being with my other half has cured me. LORD that man can talk! No matter what is said, he flips it to be about him. Unless it criticism of him, then he flips it to be someone else's fault. ugh
Someone above ^ mentioned when it's a dating situation, it's a red flag. You are so right. After a while, I realized something was not right. And now that person is not speaking to me at all ! Yippee !!!
Ruth, I always value your opinion, but I think "marathon talkers" do know. They're like addicts to the attention they get while talking, and all the while they know they're irritating others. They just can't stop.
.
This is interesting. Could you elaborate? What leads you to believe they know they're irritating people? I agree with the "can't stop" part; they're driven by a compulsion. In the few cases I'm thinking of in my extended family, they don't know that they've estranged family members from them. It doesn't occur to them that they're responsible for people drifting away. Their narcissism doesn't allow for that kind of reflection. But I'm open to the possibility that there are other types of cases, in which people are aware they're being annoying, but can't control themselves.
I know several people like that. Most of them I don't care about and just avoid. One I have to see fairly often interrupted me one last damn time, and I just turned and walked away. He has not interrupted me since.
I think a lot of people are too self-absorbed to have real conversations where they learn about other people. They will only talk about themselves, and insist that everyone else is "boring".
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