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Old 10-15-2017, 07:33 PM
 
741 posts, read 393,592 times
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My best friend Marnie and I were out to dinner last night with another friend Imelda, and all of our kids. Imelda informed us that she just asked her husband for a divorce. On the heels of this announcement she tried to discreetly show us a picture of her new boy toy while her 3 kids were having dinner in the booth with us. Apparently she’s already told her 14 year old son she’s dating someone, but her soon-to-be ex hasn’t even moved out of the house yet. I told her to be careful what she shows/says around her kids. I just couldn’t bring myself to comment further on her self-absorbed stupidity for fear of creating a scene in the restaurant, so I bit holes in my tongue to keep quiet. But she knew I wasn’t impressed.

Which brings me to my dilemma. Marnie and I are co-hosting a holiday party at my house in December for a group of lady friends, which includes Imelda. Everyone is invited to bring spouses, significant others and kids. Imelda has asked Marnie if she can bring her new boyfriend, but Marnie told her that she needs to ask me, as the party is at my house. I assume Imelda is bringing her kids because we’re doing a kids gift exchange. Other than Marnie and I, no one else in our group knows Imelda is getting divorced. So if she shows up with a boyfriend it will be a big surprise.

If Imelda asks me, I don’t want to allow her to bring anyone, I’d prefer she just come with her kids. I don’t want to watch her family drama unfold at my house when this is supposed to be an enjoyable occasion for everyone, especially the kids. I don’t care if that makes me a judgemental b!&ch. But I’m concerned she’s not going to ask my permission and just show up on my doorstep with her new flavor-of-the-month in tow. How would you deal with this?

Last edited by FairMindedLL; 10-15-2017 at 07:43 PM..
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Old 10-16-2017, 06:08 AM
 
9,834 posts, read 5,041,038 times
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Judging by her behavior thus far, I highly doubt that her relationship will still be a secret two months from now.

You don't want her family drama to unfold at your party, but I bet if you say he's not welcome, there will still be drama. I say let her bring him, but tell her that you strongly suggest that she let everyone know of her status change PRIOR to your party.
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Old 10-16-2017, 07:01 AM
 
350 posts, read 259,056 times
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Very easy. Your house, your rules. You are right, there will be drama at the party if she brings the new "boy toy". Tell her that she and her children are welcome. That's it.
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Old 10-16-2017, 08:29 AM
 
Location: North Idaho
22,735 posts, read 28,807,925 times
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Since spouses and significant others are invited, let her bring him. He might not even want to come so you are worrying prematurely. Her kids know, her ex husband knows, your group of friends already know. What drama are you expecting? Her ex husband to show up with a shotgun?
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Old 10-16-2017, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,433 posts, read 41,976,963 times
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What good would banning this boy toy do?

Not allowing him at this one party obviously isn't going to stop her from being incredibly insensitive and screwing up her kids' lives. So ... just keep the invite list as you usually do and focus your attention on the more emotionally stable and kind guests who attend.

Lord only knows if she will still even be with this guy then, and I agree with hertfordshire that it won't still be a secret by then anyway.
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Old 10-16-2017, 08:59 AM
 
16,797 posts, read 14,565,628 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
What good would banning this boy toy do?

Not allowing him at this one party obviously isn't going to stop her from being incredibly insensitive and screwing up her kids' lives. So ... just keep the invite list as you usually do and focus your attention on the more emotionally stable and kind guests who attend.

Lord only knows if she will still even be with this guy then, and I agree with hertfordshire that it won't still be a secret by then anyway.
I agree. Don't try to play the morality police in public. You'll end up looking ridiculous. You can always express your concerns to her in private. In the meantime, it's her life to manage. Be a gracious hostess to all.
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Old 10-16-2017, 02:33 PM
 
3,304 posts, read 1,574,410 times
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She just asked for divorce, and is already bringing boy toy around the kids like a man figure?

I hope her soon to be ex is dealing with this in a fair way. To bring the new guy around to a christmas gathering could lead to some pissed off soon to be ex husband drama. Has her STB -ex visited your groupd during past christmas events?
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Old 10-16-2017, 02:40 PM
 
16,720 posts, read 14,727,707 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FairMindedLL View Post
How would you deal with this?
I'd say no, that I don't want her drama at my party.
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Old 10-16-2017, 06:36 PM
 
741 posts, read 393,592 times
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Imelda just RSVP’d on eVite for 5 people. I played dumb and emailed to ask her, “Oh, is your husband coming?” I’m waiting for the fallout to begin. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s doing this to force a confrontation so she can justify bailing out on the party. She didn’t seem all that enthusiastic about going. My motivation for not wanting the boy toy there was to give her kids one evening of holiday fun without the presence of some guy hanging around their mother. Today my friend Marnie informed me Imelda met this guy on Tinder 2 weeks ago and barely knows him. Morality issues aside, I don’t want a virtual stranger in my home or knowing where I live.

Last year Imelda was supposed to host this party, but she bailed out 2 weeks before the event claiming it was too stressful, and said she didn’t want to have anything to do with it, so they didn’t come. Marnie & I had to scramble at the last minute to put it together at my house, and Marnie had to completely rearrange the gift exchange to remove Imelda and her 3 kids. Fortunately, it went off without a hitch and everyone had a great time. When we were discussing where to have the party this year, Imelda actually had the nerve to say, “Why don’t we do it at my house?” Really? REALLY??? It was all I could do to keep from having an aneurism.
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Old 10-16-2017, 06:43 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,433 posts, read 41,976,963 times
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Yet another reason I never host anyone but immediate family anymore.

People be crazy.
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