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As soon as some of my colleagues found out about my status (I never said a word but they assumed it after not mentioning anything to them about a boyfriend) they either offered to match me up with a friend or said things like "The older you get, things will be done much faster", "Focus on finding the guy" and other BS like that.
Colleagues have told me insensitive things from time to time, like "Are you doing [this thing] alone?" (*surprised*), or "Are you buying [this thing] for just one person?".
Others talk to me assuming that I am in a relationship. I never bother to correct them, I think it will shock them.
I won't even talk about the intrusive nature of relatives/strangers or the pressure I get from friends.
I am a single girl invited by my colleagues to a barbecue event where almost everyone (99%) is bringing their significant other/family. I have no one to bring with me. If I go, I will most certainly feel awkward/ashamed for being the single person among couples. Even worse, I might feel judged. So far I didn't have a problem with my status, but lately everyone around me (family, friends, colleagues) is repeatedly bringing this subject up, to the point they've made me very aware of it. Although I like my colleagues very much and I don't want to disappoint them by not joining the event, I don't know what I need to protect most. My good connection to them or my feelings?
Don't worry about it.
* The divorce rate is about 50%.
* Those people who do not get divorced still have an infidelity rate of about 50%.
* So, the odds of a marriage that (1) does not lead to divorce and (2) does not lead to infidelity is
only about 25%.
* There are more single moms than married moms under the age of 30.
* The divorce rate of single moms who go into a 2nd marriage is about 66%.
These are horrible statistics. To make the odds in your favor, read the book by Wendy Jaffe,
"Divorce Lawyers Guide to Staying Married."
You don't have to rush into it because of peer pressure. Those people who pressure you to do that
could easily get divorced or have an event of infidelity within the next 5-10 years anyway.
Here, a middle-aged husband in a mid-life crisis quits (loses) his job. Then his wife grudgingly
becomes the sole income source. The dinner argument scene is classic. Many marriages are like
that behind the scenes.
Go long enough to make an appearance and then leave early saying you have another engagement. You are single so you can get away with the "my social life is so busy!" excuse. LOL
While you are there make it a point to chat up the wives and play with a few cute kids. That should help you avoid trouble.
I have to say that is an excellent post though she is in a different country and the cultural standards may be different.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondebaerde
Doesn't that drastically change the context of the question? You're received what, a dozen American answers based on our various norms and people's experiences therein? Land of the free, where people are noted for their independence and self-confidence, especially ever more liberated women (and thank God, "you've come a long way, baby!" ...as they used to say).
HOWEVER: still, to this day, I've watched single women, including one of my best friends, shrink like wilted violets as odd-woman-out at such events. Even when I'm there as platonic date to help her save face, it does not: she's a rain cloud and people comment to me about it, after, and it's starting to become a significant social problem as no one wants to deal with her sob stories BS. Mostly because she cares, but then again: others do too, or they'd not comment about it.
...snipped....
Uhmm...?
Good post. I was a single woman/parent for 15 years and dated the same fellow for 10. (Another story but a good one). I attended many functions alone and sometimes with him. Single or with a companion, I hated doing either as I hate crowds and am not socially comfortable in them. I always liked going alone because I could leave after a decent interval, pleading the children at home requiring my presence.
I would go to the event with an open mind - you could make a great new friend there! And if the vibe does not feel right or friendly, make your escape and go do something fun on your own.
I am a single girl invited by my colleagues to a barbecue event where almost everyone (99%) is bringing their significant other/family. I have no one to bring with me. If I go, I will most certainly feel awkward/ashamed for being the single person among couples. Even worse, I might feel judged. So far I didn't have a problem with my status, but lately everyone around me (family, friends, colleagues) is repeatedly bringing this subject up, to the point they've made me very aware of it. Although I like my colleagues very much and I don't want to disappoint them by not joining the event, I don't know what I need to protect most. My good connection to them or my feelings?
Exactly why being single (at times I was ) in NYC was the norm. I go back down to the South and am looked at like a total Wh*re. I am not sure what part of the USA you are in. I liked the idea of making a quick hello. But since you said it is 3 to 4 hours away I may skip it. They will not punish you for it and know it is b/c you are single and be AOK with it.
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