Friend who texts during meal (guilty, grandma, person, member)
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Uh -- no. I don't have to "get over it" -- I can choose to disengage from your objectionable behavior. And no, it's not the universal "we all do it". They just think it is because THEY do it.
Its not a universal thing either way. It also seems to depend on how old you are.
The younger generations text all the time, always staring at their phones. For some others who are likely in an older age group that upsets them and is some horrible thing.
There was a time starting in the 1960's when men starting growing their hair longer. Many in the older generations thought that was horrible and it upset them. Time passes and now no one cares.
I say live and let live. If you don't want to be around people who text at meals don't be around them. If you like to text at meals and don't like to be told not to, don't be around those people. Trying to change people to how you want them to be is rude in my opinion and usually not successful.
There is no right or wrong. And those who say different are just passing their personal opinions as some sort of fact.
On that part I agree with you though I suspect the "solution that works for us both" is you do what you are doing now and she changes her behaviour to suit you.
Dining with someone that constantly text is a deal breaker for me, so yes it has to change if she wants to dine with me.
That isn't controlling her, it is me deciding to not waste my time on someone that doesn't respect my time.
It is twisted thinking to say that is me controlling her.
Think of it this way. If you had a husband and he was having an affair, are you controlling to say that if he wants to stay married the affair needs to end.
You are not telling him how he has to behave, you are
telling him how he has to behave if he wants to be married to you.
Same thing with the texting. She can text 24/7 for all I care.
But my dinner companionship requires her to put the phone away.
I agree with the person who said it's not too big a deal if you see the person daily or often. My husband sometimes pulls his phone out to check work email when we're out to eat, or I do it to check sports scores so I can't completely plead innocent. I don't see my family often, because of the distance, but I don't enjoy spending time with them when they have their noses in their phones/tablets. Yes, it's saying that the phone is more important than the person in front of me. I even asked my mom to collect them at the door, but nope, she's stuck in hers, too. She told me she doesn't care, as long as they're in the house. So they can be mentally checked out, but as long as they're physically there, it counts as quality time.
My in-laws, on the other hand, turn off the tv (mostly), put away their devices, and talk. Or play board games with the youngsters (who are forced to put away their devices, but end up having fun anyway). And we didn't even ask them to!
No not 6 years old. If I was 6 I would have to do what mommy and daddy told me to do. I am an adult and sometimes I like to have things my way.
And when you are married your spouse usually does not have to put a gun to your head. There are certain things you just have to go along with or face a fate that might be worse that death.
So I think me going to visit the inlaws when there is a game I really want to see is a sacrifice. Getting to watch it at the inlaws is my wife's sacrifice. We are both compromising. And uncle Roy will be just fine.
Don't you think that is rude to the person that cooked and is hosting ?
Kelly, for starters, in your post up there ^, you are confusing a marriage, where I think there is a much different expectation in the form of VOWs between you, with a friend, who you really have no right to make demands of. That's why I said in my first post to you, be glad you're not dating her, and enjoy the day.
If I have learned one thing from getting into real estate and meeting all kinds of people I have to get along with, it's that every single person on this planet is quirky, odd, funny, amusing, irritating and unlikable, at least some of the time. Every single one of us.
Her quirk apparently is that it really bothers her to let a text go unanswered. It bugs her. She'll sit and wonder what it is until she can't stand it any more she has to look. I understand this quirk.... I have known it.
Your quirk (at least one of them) is that this quirk of hers, bothers you so much. Even when you say she is only spending a few minutes out of the time spent together, doing this. Not constant, you said... Occasional. This is small stuff, IMHO.
You and she undoubtedly have other quirks, defects and flaws.... and hopefully you can learn to let the small stuff go.
Most restaurants are nicely decorated. There are worse things than looking at a wall in a restaurant for a couple minutes, or chatting with your other friends for a minute, while a friend checks a message. Shake your head and smile. Lord knows they're all going to have to be forgiving of you sometimes also.
If you're eating, you shouldn't be speaking. No one wants to see a mouthful of food while someone is yammering away.
Most people can manage talking between bites, ya know... somehow I (and my friends/family) have been doing it for decades, without showing mouthfuls of food to each other. Often I forget all about my dinner because we're talking too much, and end up shoveling it in at the last minute!
It is interesting to see the different parenting ways concerning all this.
I have some out of state family that make me feel very special when I visit. The kids are engaged and want to
spend time with you. They let you know by their behavior that they are glad you are visiting.
If the focus is on the tv or computer it is a mutual thing. Like everyone watching a show or doing something together on the computer (photos ect) The kids want to play games after dinner.
Other's that I visit is totally different. Riding in the car the kids all have earbuds in listening to music.
At the dinner table everyone is glued to the phone. After dinner the kids disappear to their rooms to play video games. Makes a guest feel unwelcome.
Two very different experiences.
To me it boils down to teaching kids to be "other" oriented & considerate of others.
Selfish vs Unselfish.
Reading the responses in this thread I think I can pick out some of both types of parents.
Most people can manage talking between bites, ya know... somehow I (and my friends/family) have been doing it for decades, without showing mouthfuls of food to each other. Often I forget all about my dinner because we're talking too much, and end up shoveling it in at the last minute!
You actually talk at restaurants while eating
Oh the shock !!!
I agree with the person who said it's not too big a deal if you see the person daily or often. My husband sometimes pulls his phone out to check work email when we're out to eat, or I do it to check sports scores so I can't completely plead innocent. I don't see my family often, because of the distance, but I don't enjoy spending time with them when they have their noses in their phones/tablets. Yes, it's saying that the phone is more important than the person in front of me. I even asked my mom to collect them at the door, but nope, she's stuck in hers, too. She told me she doesn't care, as long as they're in the house. So they can be mentally checked out, but as long as they're physically there, it counts as quality time.
My in-laws, on the other hand, turn off the tv (mostly), put away their devices, and talk. Or play board games with the youngsters (who are forced to put away their devices, but end up having fun anyway). And we didn't even ask them to!
He does this, because he couldn't do it prior to getting in the car and going out to dinner? Or because he simply couldn't wait until getting home after dinner, or while waiting for the waiter to bring the check?
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so I can't completely plead innocent. I don't see my family often, because of the distance, but I don't enjoy spending time with them when they have their noses in their phones/tablets. Yes, it's saying that the phone is more important than the person in front of me. I even asked my mom to collect them at the door, but nope, she's stuck in hers, too. She told me she doesn't care, as long as they're in the house. So they can be mentally checked out, but as long as they're physically there, it counts as quality time. 
