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Either way the truth is avoided. Not sure either solution is something I would be proud of. I have been known to be blunt at times and actually tell the truth in that situation. Honesty is shocking sometimes.
It definitely depends on the personality and the situation.
I grew up during an age (60's and early 70's) in a Catholic school environment, where girls were taught to always act like "ladies". then throw in my southern heritage, where even the caustic remarks are veiled in politeness. Have you ever heard some one from the south say "well aren't you precious" after someone says something stupid. lol, that's the polite way of saying "you're a moron".
I'm also dismayed about the lack of civility that has crept up in our society. now of course I don't think cell phones are to blame but you cannot tell me that society in general has simply become more rude and self centered.
Last weekend I went to see Surburbian, the 9 oclock show and lo and behold a mom is in there with 2 babies, ages ~4 and 6. then gets an attitude when a bunch of folks complained when the kids got to acting up and she was thrown out. Seriously? she claimed the baby sitter cancelled and she had already brought her ticket. so basically she was saying "the hell with everyone else, I'm important so even if it means you are unhappy, I'm doing me".
Now with close friends, yes I tend I can be a bit more blunt (lol or is it blunter?), but so can they, so if they are bored enough to play with their phones I hope they would simply say "can we talk about something else??"
It definitely depends on the personality and the situation.
I grew up during an age (60's and early 70's) in a Catholic school environment, where girls were taught to always act like "ladies". then throw in my southern heritage, where even the caustic remarks are veiled in politeness. Have you ever heard some one from the south say "well aren't you precious" after someone says something stupid. lol, that's the polite way of saying "you're a moron".
I'm also dismayed about the lack of civility that has crept up in our society. now of course I don't think cell phones are to blame but you cannot tell me that society in general has simply become more rude and self centered.
Last weekend I went to see Surburbian, the 9 oclock show and lo and behold a mom is in there with 2 babies, ages ~4 and 6. then gets an attitude when a bunch of folks complained when the kids got to acting up and she was thrown out. Seriously? she claimed the baby sitter cancelled and she had already brought her ticket. so basically she was saying "the hell with everyone else, I'm important so even if it means you are unhappy, I'm doing me".
Now with close friends, yes I tend I can be a bit more blunt (lol or is it blunter?), but so can they, so if they are bored enough to play with their phones I hope they would simply say "can we talk about something else??"
I grew up in Los Angeles. Not known for its politeness. So being blunt is common. I have lived in places where people avoid conflict at almost all costs. I also spent most of this summer in a small town about about 8,000 people flyover country. And civility is alive and well there. You can find it but it depends where are. When you live in a place where its likely you will bump into someone you know you tend to act more civil.
But overall yes people are more rude and self centered. I think there is more pressure now and that gets manifest in rudeness. Cell phones are only a symptom of that not the cause.
There are also a lot more distractions. I have supervised younger generation employees. When you are in a non work setting with them they are on their phones. And there are people of all ages who do the same thing. Is it rude? Not any more rude than expecting someone not to be on their phone to please you. If its a staff meeting then no its not acceptable or on work time.
There have been some hostile posts here by people calling using a smart phone an addiction and being very angry about. If someone had to have an addiction better to be texting compared to substance abuse or some other destructive thing. Texting is victimless crime lol. Only victims are people with low self esteems and take it personally. If it makes them happy let them be happy.
Because social norms change over time. And if someone is texting at dinner they might be texting someone else at dinner. Or texting someone else about the dinner. How is texting someone in the room any different than talking to them? Technology has improved greatly over the past decade but we are not allowed to communicate using them at dinner? Pretty soon we will be able to think it and text. No hands. Is that bad manners also?
Reading a newspaper is reading a newspaper not possible to have a dialogue.
Go back to Victorian times. It was rude to arrive on time for a country dinner.
Clearly what you learned growing up is very different than it was a couple centuries ago. And today is different than when you grew up.
I understand the point you're making, but are you saying that rude is no longer rude? I am saying that ignoring the people one is with is still rude and that is why the OP is offended.
PS You didn't get the point about the newspaper- putting up the newspaper was a deliberate offense!
But overall yes people are more rude and self centered. I think there is more pressure now and that gets manifest in rudeness. Cell phones are only a symptom of that not the cause.
...... Texting is victimless crime lol. Only victims are people with low self esteems and take it personally. If it makes them happy let them be happy.
Why should people becoming more rude and self centered today be acceptable? "Pressure" is nothing new.
Texting is fine in and of itself, but texting in church or synagogue or at the table or in front of me if I'm teaching you or am your doctor or lawyer or store clerk is just plain rude.
....and it would not be passive aggressive if I actually stalked her, it would be just plain aggressive.
You ask once, maybe twice then try the obnoxious - not unlike being on airplane seat where the person in front of you reclines whilst you're eating - that's when you sneeze and blow your nose as many times as necessary - after you've asked with genuine politeness of course that they sit the seat upright. Ditto, in the theater, fart or something because being passive aggressive works with these types.
It's really freeing to NOT try to control other people. Remember, she's not your child and you're not dating her. Enjoy your day.
In three short sentences, you've managed to articulate so much of what is wrong with how we interact today. Let me break it down for you:
1) It is incredibly impolite to text away while in a gathering of your friends. One or two texts with the excuse of work? Okay. But constant texting? Rude beyond belief.
2) It is certainly not controlling behavior to expect basic manners and respect.
3) When you agree to meet friends for lunch, dinner, whatever, you agree to give them your attention, not just your presence. By sitting there texting someone else while your three companions are looking on is essentially telling them that they matter less.
4) Enjoy your day? That kind of vapid nonsense implies that her feelings are not valid. Personally, if someone came to lunch with me and then texted someone else nonstop, I would feel affronted for pretty good reasons.
5) It is not all about you all the time. Your actions affect other people. The texter wasn't just being rude to the OP. She was being rude to everyone at the table.
There have been some hostile posts here by people calling using a smart phone an addiction and being very angry about. If someone had to have an addiction better to be texting compared to substance abuse or some other destructive thing. Texting is victimless crime lol. Only victims are people with low self esteems and take it personally. If it makes them happy let them be happy.
I guess this is where we disagree. If people lived on an island by themselves than I would say it was a "victimless" crime. which is pretty much an oxymoron, if there were no victims, there is a good chance it wouldn't be a crime.
Now I think I'm a fairly confident person. I have some areas where I don't have a lot of confidence (public speaking is not my strong suit) and some I'm borderline arrogant about (science, I'm a senior chemist) but pretty much every thing evens out in the wash.
And I still don't like folks being rude to me.
I also laugh at the "don't take it personally" line. IMO it really means, I'm about to do something you won't like and I don't want you to get upset. lol, I'm African american and if some one calls me the n-word I'm not supposed to take that personally? exactly how should I take it? or when someone swindles me out of my money and then says "don't take it personally, it's business". humm no, it's my hard earned cash and that is very very personal to me.
I grew up in Los Angeles. Not known for its politeness. So being blunt is common. I have lived in places where people avoid conflict at almost all costs. I also spent most of this summer in a small town about about 8,000 people flyover country. And civility is alive and well there. You can find it but it depends where are. When you live in a place where its likely you will bump into someone you know you tend to act more civil.
But overall yes people are more rude and self centered. I think there is more pressure now and that gets manifest in rudeness. Cell phones are only a symptom of that not the cause.
There are also a lot more distractions. I have supervised younger generation employees. When you are in a non work setting with them they are on their phones. And there are people of all ages who do the same thing. Is it rude? Not any more rude than expecting someone not to be on their phone to please you. If its a staff meeting then no its not acceptable or on work time.
There have been some hostile posts here by people calling using a smart phone an addiction and being very angry about. If someone had to have an addiction better to be texting compared to substance abuse or some other destructive thing. Texting is victimless crime lol. Only victims are people with low self esteems and take it personally. If it makes them happy let them be happy.
That is just an excuse. In my opinion, the person who loses his cool or is rude in just about any situation is a person who can't be trusted.
Further, I'm deeply suspicious of people who think manners are conditional based on the time of day, the setting, or the people that person is with. For it means that the person who articulates that philosophy is manipulative and doesn't respect others. He only is nice to those who can do something for him. Not a very savory quality to have as a person.
In three short sentences, you've managed to articulate so much of what is wrong with how we interact today. Let me break it down for you:
1) It is incredibly impolite to text away while in a gathering of your friends. One or two texts with the excuse of work? Okay. But constant texting? Rude beyond belief.
2) It is certainly not controlling behavior to expect basic manners and respect.
3) When you agree to meet friends for lunch, dinner, whatever, you agree to give them your attention, not just your presence. By sitting there texting someone else while your three companions are looking on is essentially telling them that they matter less.
4) Enjoy your day? That kind of vapid nonsense implies that her feelings are not valid. Personally, if someone came to lunch with me and then texted someone else nonstop, I would feel affronted for pretty good reasons.
5) It is not all about you all the time. Your actions affect other people. The texter wasn't just being rude to the OP. She was being rude to everyone at the table.
Hello MinivanDriver! So glad you could join us!
Funny that for all your talk about good manners and respect, you never mention that it's a little rude to walk in on a big group having a conversation that started many days (and hundreds of posts) ago... and start insulting the people who got there first. This conversation has progressed past where you are now... more information and nuance has been added. Let me know when you catch up.
And I DO actually think it's freeing to not try to control my friends... as I said in my first post. But there's nothing about that opinion that should cause you to think I am rude to my friends. I have engaged in further conversation here that you might want to check out before you go calling me vapid.
Yes, it is rude, but the way I see it a) either she is addicted to texting petty things all the time or b) perhaps it is really important stuff.
If it's a) and you made clear your position to her then stop going out to eat with her. She'll know why.
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then throw in my southern heritage, where even the caustic remarks are veiled in politeness. Have you ever heard some one from the south say "well aren't you precious" after someone says something stupid. lol, that's the polite way of saying "you're a moron". 
