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"I don't want to eat out with you unless you can put away your phone"
That is the very definition of lecturing, but if it really means that much to you that she "learn something", likely, she'll learn who her true friends really are.
It makes me mad because I don't like dining out alone, and that is how I feel if my dinner companion is
ignoring me. I could have stayed home and ate alone.
Meal time is such a social thing to me, not just a time to shovel food in my face. If someone wants to eat & text they can stay home, dine alone or dine with others that like to be on their phone.
See you are looking at all this from a very selfish perspective IMHO. That your friend needs to do what you want and you don't consider at all from their point of view. Very one sided.
I am a guy and would not be put off by a friend texting we were grabbing a bite to eat. And if its a group of 4 guys one sending a few texts would make no difference to us at all. From your other post you are talking about less than 10 minutes out of at least an hour of dining. Someone could excuse themselves and use the restroom and have the same effect on the the conversation. Perhaps that's a problem also?
You have a different perception of what is socially acceptable than your friend does. Perhaps your three friends who all seem to agree on this should dine together and you need to make new friends that think like you do. There are lots of people that think like you.
I am not ready to throw away a long term friendship away for this annoying habit of hers.
But I am ready to tell her that I don't want to eat out with her anymore unless she can put away her phone.
Emergencies would be an exception.
Even I have taken dinner calls when a loved one was in surgery.
I told the person I was dining with that I was waiting on that update/call.
In that situation the call does take priority.
I know plenty of guys that have a strict "no phones at meals" rule.
Really? I can't imagine any guys I know having this fight... "Hey Jimbo... put your phone down and pay attention to me!"
Quote:
You sound like a "meal texter" to me to be defending this rude behavior.
Yes, actually, I'm having a meal with a friend right now, checking city data while we wait for our meal. She's just boring I can't help it.
That's a joke! But it might be worth thinking about.
I know you're frustrated, but I would just recommend, if the conversation is lacking between you and your friend... Maybe you should take a look at what kind of interesting conversation you brought to the table, before blaming your friend entirely for every lull. That's only fair. Not everyone has great communication skills. Maybe your conversation wasn't interesting... or maybe your friend is an introvert and isn't sure where to look when sitting across from you with nothing to say.
Maybe there's some other reaction, other than being mad, that might help make these lunches more pleasant for you and your friend who apparently isn't a social dynamo. Save being mad for when someone actually acts against you. Don't sweat the small stuff.
See you are looking at all this from a very selfish perspective IMHO. That your friend needs to do what you want and you don't consider at all from their point of view. Very one sided.
I am a guy and would not be put off by a friend texting we were grabbing a bite to eat. And if its a group of 4 guys one sending a few texts would make no difference to us at all. From your other post you are talking about less than 10 minutes out of at least an hour of dining. Someone could excuse themselves and use the restroom and have the same effect on the the conversation. Perhaps that's a problem also?
You have a different perception of what is socially acceptable than your friend does. Perhaps your three friends who all seem to agree on this should dine together and you need to make new friends that think like you do. There are lots of people that think like you.
She & I obviously do have different ideas of what is rude & what isn't.
She thinks I am rude to expect her to not text, I think she is rude to text so much.
Using the restroom is different because texting others is saying by her actions,
"the people I am texting are more important to me than you even though I made plans to
spend time with you'
What is selfish about expecting a dinner companion to be good company??
Yes, actually, I'm having a meal with a friend right now, checking city data while we wait for our meal. She's just boring I can't help it.
That's a joke! But it might be worth thinking about.
I know you're frustrated, but I would just recommend, if the conversation is lacking between you and your friend... Maybe you should take a look at what kind of interesting conversation you brought to the table, before blaming your friend entirely for every lull. That's only fair. Not everyone has great communication skills. Maybe your conversation wasn't interesting... or maybe your friend is an introvert and isn't sure where to look when sitting across from you with nothing to say.
Maybe there's some other reaction, other than being mad, that might help make these lunches more pleasant for you and your friend who apparently isn't a social dynamo. Save being mad for when someone actually acts against you. Don't sweat the small stuff.
My two cents. For what they're worth.
Agree that it's always good to look at things from the others viewpoint.
But my conversation skills are pretty good. I know how to share & listen and
ask what is going on in peoples lives. We never run out of things to talk about.
There isn't this awkward lull that she fills with the phone.
Agree to not sweat the small stuff, but after years of this it isn't small to me anymore.
Not eating together may save the friendship, we do fine in other activities.
It's not that black & white. We have been friends a long time. Yes this is a frustrating habit but overall
we are close. So if we take a day trip to the beach it's only the meal time that is an issue.
Wow you are being extremely self-centered and demanding. You like her overall, been friends a very long time, and can spend a whole day together without an issue but get upset if she doesn't give you her full-on attention for dinner and spends 8 minutes on the phone?
Why should she change her behaviour to suit your standards? How about you change your behaviour to match hers and you both catch up on texts and facebook during dinner?
She & I obviously do have different ideas of what is rude & what isn't.
She thinks I am rude to expect her to not text, I think she is rude to text so much.
Using the restroom is different because texting others is saying by her actions,
"the people I am texting are more important to me than you even though I made plans to
spend time with you'
No, that is your interpretation of what it is saying. The message you are receiving is not necessarily the message that is intended.
I see, you are the epitome of perfection. Your standards are the the right standards and your exceptions are the the only allowed exceptions.
Really? I can't imagine any guys I know having this fight... "Hey Jimbo... put your phone down and pay attention to me!"
Me either. I'm almost 50 and I don't know a single guy that would care enough to actually say something about it.
Totally a chick thing.
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