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If you want privacy you don’t come home to mooch off of Mom and dad the minute things get rough. Suggesting that someone abuse or humiliate an elderly person is disgusting, you should be ashamed. Bottom line if an adult wants privacy they need to be responsible enough to provide for themselves.
So because they needed to come home for a short while they are mooching, and this is linked to their age
But to treat the parents in exactly the same manner, now it's abuse due to their age??
You have a twisted view
Gossiping about your Mother or Father, son or daughter when asked to stop, is not ok at any age.
We do not deliberately gossip and humiliate anyone when they are down and needing help, elderly or not.
I would not disclose private information about my elderly parents if asked, ever. I do not despise them that much to treat them that way
So because they needed to come home for a short while they are mooching, and this is linked to their age
But to treat the parents in exactly the same manner, now it's abuse due to their age??
You have a twisted view
Gossiping about your Mother or Father, son or daughter when asked to stop, is not ok at any age.
We do not deliberately gossip and humiliate anyone when they are down and needing help, elderly or not.
No. it's not a twisted view. She is an adult. The gossip is a passive-aggressive way to tell her to put on her big girl skirt and to get out.
Treating an elderly "in the same way" maybe acceptable if they were treating her bad when she was a non-emansipated minor.
Dad already doesn't approve of his main car being used by my mom to taxi their grandkids around and since he was the main breadwinner for years even after he was semi retired, his preference should be respected. So by declining to help out SIL with this task, I'm actually respecting my father's wishes and at the same time making myself available for job hunting, interviews and when I accept an offer, an actual full time job. The driving gig, while it may be some extra pocket change is not going to help my career. And frankly my dad doesn't want his 2nd car to be used by me for this purpose anyway. So really it's out of my hands. <snip,orphaned>
Earning a certificate in your field of study is going to help your career, when are you going to do that? You spent time going to school, yet you are too busy to spend time studying for the test. This is something the OP discussed in an earlier thread.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 11-09-2017 at 10:44 AM..
No. it's not a twisted view. She is an adult. The gossip is a passive-aggressive way to tell her to put on her big girl skirt and to get out.
Treating an elderly "in the same way" maybe acceptable if they were treating her bad when she was a non-emansipated minor.
He specifically asked them not to divulge private info concerning his life. No one needs to go out of their way gossiping about others when asked not to. No one
Quote:
A grown child that moves back home, even temporarily, is not something that just happens to the child.
actually it is quite common. Not sure where you live this doesn't occur?
Me thinks you have bigtime boundary issues and anger with any children you may have. Because if my son asked this of me, it would be granted in a heartbeat
LOL, you couldn't be more wrong. I have great relationship with my children. I keep private those things that should stay private but fortunately my kids are realistic and don't try to dictate to me that I can't even mention anything about them without their permission first. (And re read what I wrote, I said it is common.) It is not something to be ashamed of and get mad over because someone said something about it. I said it is not something that happens just to the child, meaning it also happens to the parents whose home is turned into a haven for the returning child. Something the OP seems not to consider.
How is it going out of the way to gossip if someone notices the kid is back home and asks a question? You prefer they lie about it, or tell a close family member it's none of their business? Nothing at all wrong with saying that kid has moved home temporarily while they sort things out. I agree that the details don't need to be shared but OP seems put out that anything at all was mentioned because they want full control over any and all info given out. Life doesn't work that way, these are her parents and family, not people she needs a PR person for.
Again, is it only gossip if it's unhappy news that's being shared, sharing good things without permission is ok and not gossipy? Because that's what I am taking away from a few of the comments here.
Dad already doesn't approve of his main car being used by my mom to taxi their grandkids around and since he was the main breadwinner for years even after he was semi retired, his preference should be respected. So by declining to help out SIL with this task, I'm actually respecting my father's wishes and at the same time making myself available for job hunting, interviews and when I accept an offer, an actual full time job. The driving gig, while it may be some extra pocket change is not going to help my career. And frankly my dad doesn't want his 2nd car to be used by me for this purpose anyway. So really it's out of my hands.
I find that very sad. Your father does not sound like a very good grandparent. No where does it say the "main breadwinner" in family dictates everything that goes on in a home. I thought that attitude ended in the 70's. If not, it should have. Basically you are saying he is a tyrant and that he does not respect your mother's opinion or wishes. That is wrong. I hope you see that.
If you and your mother approached your father and say that this is what is best for the grandkids, I would hope he would relent. Only a true uncaring tyrant would not. But since you do not seem at all interested in helping anyone other than yourself, this will never happen. I feel badly for your mother being in the middle of this. And I feel badly for you because you just do not see any of the things me and the vast majority of other posters here are saying. Good luck in life, you are going to need it. Jay
It happened again. A family friend called my mom and I was in the room while she talked to her on the phone. The family friend, another nosy type, asked about family news and my mom told me afterwards that she had no choice, she "had to" answer her questions.
The friend's questions were:
Q: So how's it going with sedonaverde? Is she still in (the town I relocated to for work?)
A: No, she's back here.
Q: What happened?
A: It didn't work out, it wasn't the right fit.
Q: So how long will she stay?
A: I don't know but she's looking...
Then the subject apparently changed to other family members with better success. See? Now my image is tarnished and gossip will spread further to even more people I don't even associate with. All because mom felt obligated to answer the questions from someone I have zero connection to.
It happened again. A family friend called my mom and I was in the room while she talked to her on the phone. The family friend, another nosy type, asked about family news and my mom told me afterwards that she had no choice, she "had to" answer her questions.
The friend's questions were:
Q: So how's it going with sedonaverde? Is she still in (the town I relocated to for work?)
A: No, she's back here.
Q: What happened?
A: It didn't work out, it wasn't the right fit.
Q: So how long will she stay?
A: I don't know but she's looking...
Then the subject apparently changed to other family members with better success. See? Now my image is tarnished and gossip will spread further to even more people I don't even associate with. All because mom felt obligated to answer the questions from someone I have zero connection to.
I think that was very nice, your mother didn't say anything negative.
Look, as long as you are taking a car and housing from your parents, you have no power. You do realize you are costing them real dollars that they could be saving for other bills or retirement.
How old are you?
My kids have been paying for their own cars, insurance and gas since they were teenagers. If one of them moved back here and wasn't working, of course we would expect them to help do errands (pick up nieces) to help contribute to the family. And definitely for no pay!
It happened again. A family friend called my mom and I was in the room while she talked to her on the phone. The family friend, another nosy type, asked about family news and my mom told me afterwards that she had no choice, she "had to" answer her questions.
The friend's questions were:
Q: So how's it going with sedonaverde? Is she still in (the town I relocated to for work?)
A: No, she's back here.
Q: What happened?
A: It didn't work out, it wasn't the right fit.
Q: So how long will she stay?
A: I don't know but she's looking...
Then the subject apparently changed to other family members with better success. See? Now my image is tarnished and gossip will spread further to even more people I don't even associate with. All because mom felt obligated to answer the questions from someone I have zero connection to.
That is the "gossip" you mom is spreading? Exactly how is your image tarnished? What do you think your image was?
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