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Old 11-03-2017, 12:19 PM
 
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I think it's fair to say that general awareness of ASD and Aspergers (and similar conditions affecting social skills) has increased in the past several years, and overall probably for the better.

I know for myself I see people differently now than I have in years past. For instance, someone I would have said is just creepy or annoying I might have a whole different experience now if it seems likely that person is on the spectrum. No, I'm not a professional who can diagnose someone on the spot, but I hope y'all know what I mean.

So I want to give ONE example to frame the question I have.

We have an Uncle Teddy. Uncle Teddy is almost always inappropriate at various points during a holiday dinner or party (i.e., Easter, Xmas, T-giving, etc.). Half of the rest of the family is amused by it all, the other half is upset. But Uncle Teddy, like it or not, must attend these gatherings. That's a good rough idea of the situation.

Fast forward to current time. It's pretty clear that Uncle Teddy is on the spectrum somehow (not just by his outbursts, but other stuff we know about him in work and public settings). I'm starting to have a different sort of empathy for him...maybe 'forcing' him to attend these family events causes him undue anxiety and stress? Maybe it pains him unnecessarily to witness the disapproval of other family that object to his outbursts? Maybe he'd rather NOT attend for his own well being (he often will disappear for 40-60 minutes)? Maybe the family members that get amused by his antics are starting to just appear to be rude and slightly cruel? Is backing off on 'forcing' Uncle to attend an act of caring or is it more isolating?

I dunno, anyone relate?
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Old 11-03-2017, 01:31 PM
 
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No family member should be "forced" attend IMO. You could say something like "We really enjoy having everyone at the holiday dinners but we realize that sometimes family members cannot come or have other things that they want to do." Families that are inflexible about these things are a big PITA.
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Old 11-03-2017, 01:58 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elhelmete View Post
But Uncle Teddy, like it or not, must attend these gatherings.
Why?
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Old 11-03-2017, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
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Assuming that Uncle Teddy is an adult who can care for himself, invite him to the gathering and let him decide if he wants to come. No one should be forced to attend a family gathering.
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Old 11-03-2017, 02:25 PM
 
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It's not so much about forcing him or anyone else to attend, of course everyone's an adult.

Specifically the question is once you know someone is likely to have a condition where socializing could be stressful, is it a loving/kind act to be more open to not inviting?
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Old 11-03-2017, 02:29 PM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
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Hmm, well, if I were close to the family member and knew that situations like that were stressful for them, I might pose the invitation with "I know it might be stressful for you, but I don't want to exclude you. We're having a family gathering and we'd love for you to come if you're up for it." But if I wasn't close to them, I'd probably just invite them and let them make the decision.
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Old 11-03-2017, 02:38 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elhelmete View Post
It's not so much about forcing him or anyone else to attend, of course everyone's an adult.

Specifically the question is once you know someone is likely to have a condition where socializing could be stressful, is it a loving/kind act to be more open to not inviting?
Is it that he feels forced to come when invited, and not that anyone is actually forcing him to attend these events?

I wouldn't not invite him, he'll probably hear from others and feel left out,, especially with a family holiday. I woild just stress that it is perfectly okay if he does not want to attend.
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Old 11-03-2017, 03:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00 View Post
Is it that he feels forced to come when invited, and not that anyone is actually forcing him to attend these events?

I wouldn't not invite him, he'll probably hear from others and feel left out,, especially with a family holiday. I woild just stress that it is perfectly okay if he does not want to attend.
Well he used to be just the weird uncle.

Now that I know that social gatherings can be anxiety and stress inducing to someone who is on the spectrum, as I strongly assume he is, it just sort of spiked my empathy meter when I see the dynamic unfold...some people getting annoyed with his antics, some being amused. It just feels icky now. He's not a monkey on a string.
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Old 11-03-2017, 03:31 PM
 
Location: Between Heaven And Hell.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elhelmete View Post
Well he used to be just the weird uncle.

Now that I know that social gatherings can be anxiety and stress inducing to someone who is on the spectrum, as I strongly assume he is, it just sort of spiked my empathy meter when I see the dynamic unfold...some people getting annoyed with his antics, some being amused. It just feels icky now. He's not a monkey on a string.
Could you give us an idea of his "antics"?

I will say though, he is lucky to have a family that does invite him, if he is an Aspie.
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Old 11-03-2017, 03:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BECLAZONE View Post
Could you give us an idea of his "antics"?

I will say though, he is lucky to have a family that does invite him, if he is an Aspie.
My intention wasn't to get bogged down in details...it was just wondering if anyone else has changed their behavior around and/or perception of a person once you know they're probably on the spectrum, and not just "special" or "annoying."
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