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How greatly do friends -- whether at work or outside of it -- enhance your life?
They say you should never depend on others -- including friends -- to be happy, because happiness really stems from within.
I'm married (no kids yet) and have found that I'm generally happier when communicating regularly with friends. As we've gotten older and taken on more responsibilities, however, planning outings and phone conversations has become more challenging.
I used to work with two guys whom I considered office buddies in that we'd always talk baseball. They've both left the company, and I haven't been able to "click" with anyone else as well as I did them. Sure, I get along with the folks in my department, but most people like to keep a certain distance. Besides, most of the people I work with are considerably older (50s and 60s), so we don't share the same interests. I've found that having a workplace buddy can make the difference between a tolerable job and a lousy one.
Making new friends seems more difficult the older you get. I guess you just can't catch lightning in a bottle with everyone you meet.
I've found as I get older that making friends is simply too much effort for not very much reward. My husband is all the friend I need and I don't mind doing things by myself either.
Most women my age aren't interested in being my friend for totally stupid or superficial reasons; they're in a different "season of life" (as they irritatingly refer to motherhood) and we have almost nothing in common. Or they just think I'm weird. Or maybe they think I'm ugly. Who knows. It doesn't keep me up at night.
I don't have any real friends anymore. But before you start feeling sad for me - my life is uber full. My career, side career, and family keep me over busy. I don't even have the time for hobbies. If I do find myself with an hr here or there (pretty rare these days), I can choose to spend it on work (very easy to do) or the luxury of watching TV. It's just that time in my life I guess and my life is plenty full and having no friends isn't something I feel a loss over. I'm actually happy there isn't someone else calling and wanting my time.
Maybe when I'm older and have more free time friends will be more important to a fulfilled life. Right now, I wish everyone would leave me alone. I need a vacation I think.
I have a large circle of friends and I absolutely adore them but I don't NEED them to be happy. I haven' really found it too difficult to make new friends in each state I've lived but I do like my quiet time also, so it's finding that right balance and the kind of friends that don't impose or respect my need for house mouse needs at times. I can't say that it got harder as I got older.
How greatly do friends -- whether at work or outside of it -- enhance your life?
They say you should never depend on others -- including friends -- to be happy, because happiness really stems from within.
I'm married (no kids yet) and have found that I'm generally happier when communicating regularly with friends. As we've gotten older and taken on more responsibilities, however, planning outings and phone conversations has become more challenging.
I used to work with two guys whom I considered office buddies in that we'd always talk baseball. They've both left the company, and I haven't been able to "click" with anyone else as well as I did them. Sure, I get along with the folks in my department, but most people like to keep a certain distance. Besides, most of the people I work with are considerably older (50s and 60s), so we don't share the same interests. I've found that having a workplace buddy can make the difference between a tolerable job and a lousy one.
Making new friends seems more difficult the older you get. I guess you just can't catch lightning in a bottle with everyone you meet.
What are your thoughts?
I find that quality means more than quantity. I have a few close friends who are there when I need them, and I am there when they need me. That's what matters. Also, friends can drift in and out of your life as it changes. Nothing may be wrong, its just change and time. Sure having a true hearted friend can make life a bit happier, but its certainly not the only thing that does. As we get older I think our definition of what a true friend is changes, which may be part of the reason we have fewer as we go along. Also, I think it takes time to learn what enables us to be happy in life. Once we know ourselves well, we might need less from other people.
I've found as I get older that making friends is simply too much effort for not very much reward. My husband is all the friend I need and I don't mind doing things by myself either.
Most women my age aren't interested in being my friend for totally stupid or superficial reasons; they're in a different "season of life" (as they irritatingly refer to motherhood) and we have almost nothing in common. Or they just think I'm weird. Or maybe they think I'm ugly. Who knows. It doesn't keep me up at night.
Agree with this.
I have always been an introvert who is perfectly content with my own company. Its nice to have friends to see on occasion, but I find that most adult friendships are based on nothing more deep than the fact that you work at the same place, had kids or moved into the area at the same time, or happen to be thrown into some activity together. And once those occasions have passed, I have very little need to keep in touch (and typically they feel the same.)
I also find that many people use these "friendships" to check how they are doing compared to others. Its not so much that they enjoy your company, its that they want to make sure they are doing things as good as (and hopefully better than) you so that they can allay fears that they are not successful people. Its quite sad. I avoid these individuals as much as I can, but I notice that they often travel in packs. I am sure if you asked them, they would say they have lots of friends because being popular is important to their overall feeling of personal success.
I've found as I get older that making friends is simply too much effort for not very much reward. My husband is all the friend I need and I don't mind doing things by myself either.
Every good friend I've ever made has moved away from here. For some reason they decide they want to move to a city where housing is affordable. So there are long gaps, because I don't "click" with everyone.
For the most part, I'm content with my own company. Friends are great for inspiration, though.
Well, it surely sounds selfish,but I don't need friends to be happy. In my salad days though I definitely needed them, but the older I got, the less I needed friends. Work pals, good neighbours, close family - sure-. But really close friends ? I know it might seems weird, but I don't feel the need for it.
It is more like the zest in life than being happy...
Just about all my close friends have always been much older and the last several years there have been too many funerals... with 3 in the last 12 months and it has given me pause.
My work friends from the early days are still close even though for some it has been 20 years since we worked together... not the same with those that come and go these days at the hospital.
I do see how having fewer and fewer friends has affected Mom... she says so and just about all of her friends are gone... which is true but her Alzheimers is also a factor but it makes here day when she hears from a child of one of her dear friends that have passed... Mom is/was very active in church for 50 years and they have all gone... either moved far away for health reasons or departed.
No doubt that she misses them very much and they were a great source of joy...
Last edited by Ultrarunner; 11-12-2017 at 09:35 AM..
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