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Old 11-13-2017, 12:53 PM
 
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We had a wake, full religious funeral service and graveside services for both of my parents (as they wished).

But the most meaningful times during those painful days were when the family went out for dinners together. None of us lived in town so before we all scattered again we spent extra time together telling stories and reminiscing about the fun times we had with our parents and their grandparents.
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Old 11-13-2017, 01:23 PM
 
Location: Rural Wisconsin
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Unless the deceased had specific wishes which I believe should be followed, I think the kind of service, if any, should the decision of the closest kin.

At a time of grief, I think their wishes take precedence over anyone else's, and the last thing they should have to worry about is worrying about a second cousin's (or whatever) feelings.
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Old 11-13-2017, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Rural Wisconsin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by branDcalf View Post

From what I see at funerals, there are some who are there for the social aspect. Some like the excuse to get away from work. Others who seem to want the attention they can get from appearing to be the most distraught in the room. As if there is a competition. Selfish, indeed.
Yes, that occurred to me, too.

And if someone need others around them to grieve, if they are close to anyone else who knew and loved the deceased, they can take solace from each other without doing so in public.

And, finally, I think true grieving is a very private thing and goes on for years in many cases. A funeral is mostly, imo, for show -- or at least it is in many cases, from what I have observed.

(But, to each his or her own -- as long as I don't have anyone coming to me and criticizing or trying to influence me for what I choose to do with my husband's remains, should I outlive him. We have both decided on cremation with no services, and if someone doesn't like it, well . . .)
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Old 11-13-2017, 01:40 PM
 
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That's entirely up to the deceased (and I'm also anti-funeral). If you feel the need to get together with family and friends to memorialize the deceased, there's absolutely no reason you can't arrange and do that on your own. Deceased aunt optional!
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Old 11-13-2017, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Raleigh
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"You can have a funeral for me but don't expect ME to show up!"
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Old 11-13-2017, 05:57 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tominftl View Post
Spend the funeral money on the person while they’re alive. Who cares what they do with my body when I’M dead. The funeral business is another racquet anyway.
Racket is the funeral business.

Racquet is for tennis.
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Old 11-13-2017, 06:53 PM
 
Location: Midvale, Idaho
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My husband also requested no services or obit. I feel the same for me and will get that prearranged shortly. No family no one to come together. He was adamant and I happliy respected his wishes. As far as flushing his ashes down the toilet, another wish of his, I can not go quite that far. He did say he really did not care. It was just a suggestion.He did not want to be buried in a cemetery. He also said his friends did not come to see him while he was sick he would be damned if he would feed them when he was dead. I totally agree. Funerals and memorials are heavily attended here because it is expected to serve food. People make it an outing to attend even when they never knew the person or family member. I guess we have a different outlook on death after working in the cemetery district for eleven years. Phew we saw a lot of crazy stuff. Course here I would be allowed to bury him but he said no way. So his ashes rest in his dresser with many of his favorite things. No his snowmobile would not fit in the drawer.
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Old 11-14-2017, 04:26 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MarciaMarshaMarcia View Post

My feeling is, if you truly care about the deceased, then respect their wishes.
Sums it up quite well.
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Old 11-14-2017, 04:34 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by City Guy997S View Post
Racket is the funeral business.

Racquet is for tennis.
Sometimes, worlds overlap a bit ...



https://decorative-urns.com/tennis-ball.html
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Old 11-14-2017, 04:40 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattks View Post

Anyway, I can't understand why someone wouldn't want a funeral.
I don't want one. I have already advised my family. Told them to get a nice bottle of Merlot and toast to my good life and memory on Earth.

Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post

And I strongly disagree that wanting no funeral is selfish.
By telling my family to go spend the money on something they want rather than spend the money on a funeral for me is selfish?! My mother had all her wishes spelled out--even her simple Memorial, cremation and such was $4000. I rather my sons keep that money for themselves.
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