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I think they knew it. But I didn't. So now I always ask and share menus beforehand. Its just easier than going to the ER.
In my experience, people with severe-enough allergies to require hospitalization are responsible for monitoring their food intake. Every male on my husband's side (including my husband) has a severe allergy to nuts and carries an EpiPen. Cross-contamination can occur, but telling your hosts is just part of living with a severe allergy.
I would certainly ask about allergies in advance, but providing a menu is only asking for critique. And with the family history you've shared, the critique will be brutal.
I have family members who are very heavy. These are close family and I enjoy spending time with them. They do have food issues and have struggled with them for years.
They are supposed to dine with us for Thanksgiving. I have a traditional Thanksgiving menu planned with a catering service as I don't cook. Some of our guests are vegetarian, some have special diets because of health issues, so I sent the menu to all invited guests this week to make sure that if there were any allergies or dietary adjustments that needed to be made I could get it to the caterers in plenty of time.
After getting this, the "heavy" family members no longer want to eat with us as the food will be "bland" because its not made the way they normally do (two pounds of cheese and a pound of butter in the mashed potatoes is preferred, for example.) I have invited them to bring any side dishes prepared the way they prefer to dinner. One family member took exception to this, complaining that they should not have to bring anything as guests (they don't HAVE to but they are welcome to) and that they are sure that the menu "won't be to their liking." These individuals now want to eat at home on their own.
I am at a bit of a loss. I would love to have a meal with my family and spend the day together. But I am not sure where my obligation lies to make food with recipes and methods that individuals prefer. A friend brought up a good point that if I am willing to accommodate a vegetarian or medical diet, why can't I just ask the caterer to make meals for them based on their preferences? My first reaction was that it was rude to demand someone prepare food in a certain way when you are a guest in their home, but maybe I jumped to that conclusion too quickly. Should I just ask the caterers to prepare things specially for them?
First of all, their being heavy is irrelevant so there was no need to bring it up. Their behavior would be no more or less off-putting if they fell square within the BMI guidelines. Second, they can either eat the food you provide, bring their own, or stay home. They have made their choice and you're not obligated to accommodate these ungrateful twerps any more than you have.
First of all, their being heavy is irrelevant so there was no need to bring it up. Their behavior would be no more or less off-putting if they fell square within the BMI guidelines. Second, they can either eat the food you provide, bring their own, or stay home. They have made their choice and you're not obligated to accommodate these ungrateful twerps any more than you have.
This. It's your dinner. Serve what you want. Your relatives can choose to attend or not. Everyone gets to make an adult choice. You have no reason to feel bad.
Your meal is being catered. The chef doesn't have your relatives recipe for mashed potatoes so no, they won't be making them the way your relatives like them. You suggested that they bring along whatever they like and instead of accepting your offer, the sulk like a child. Were they planning to show up at your house empty handed- no flowers or bottle of wine either? Trying to ward against allergic reactions is one thing, but you don't have to account for every ones particular food preferences.
And since you are lactose intolerant, please stop eating all their diary and milk filled food. It can really mess you up. I am also lactose intolerant so I know how you must feel after eating the food.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG
When people struggle with food issues, they are usually trying to lose weight or follow a specific diet. Sounds like your "very heavy" family members are not in this situation at all, they just want a traditional Thanksgiving meal like most people. Even people on diets may use Thanksgiving as a cheat day.
I'm curious, what did it say in your menu to turn them away? Low fat, no salt, reduced calorie??
We have many very heavy family members as well. Thanksgiving is not the day they are going to start a diet. They want all the traditional dishes that they've enjoyed for decades that they may only get one day a year.
That.
People who are heavy and want to enjoy eating a large amount of food without feeling shamed might be feeling shamed with this attitude and menu.
Not that you're trying to shame anyone, but you're clearly trying to serve healthy low fat low salt food on Thanksgiving. A day they look forward to overeating without shame, because everyone is overeating.
Except there's a clear undertone here about being a healthy, not overindulgent meal.
Your meal is being catered. The chef doesn't have your relatives recipe for mashed potatoes so no, they won't be making them the way your relatives like them. You suggested that they bring along whatever they like and instead of accepting your offer, the sulk like a child. Were they planning to show up at your house empty handed- no flowers or bottle of wine either? Trying to ward against allergic reactions is one thing, but you don't have to account for every ones particular food preferences.
Cheese in mashed potatoes is quite good--my family has a "holiday only" mashed potato casserole that has 2 or 3 kinds of cheese (and sometimes bacon) that I have to restrain myself around, but I'd never dream of demanding it.
I was wondering about the hostess gift thing, too. These do not sound like guests who show up with flowers or wine and who write a lovely thank you note afterward.
Cheese in mashed potatoes is quite good--my family has a "holiday only" mashed potato casserole that I have to restrain myself around, but I'd never dream of demanding it.
My family's favorite mashed potatoes recipe has a block of cream cheese melted in the potatoes before mashing, then a layer of cheddar sprinkled over the top before baking.
It was very nice of you to accommodate the vegetarians and those with special diets and make sure that they all have something on the menu that they can eat. I'm sure that the food will be tasty and delicious. Your suggestion that your family members bring a side of their liking is totally reasonable. If they choose not to come then I guess that is their choice. If you really want them to come then you can decide whether or not it's worth it to change your menu in order to accommodate their desires.
Personally, as long as Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy are on the menu then I'd consider the menu a success and would not change it.
You claim to enjoy spending time with these people?
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