He's Still Angry Two Years Later? Am I Overly Concerned About This? (person, meeting)

[michael917]

I'm probably making a bigger deal than necessary about this, but I had a somewhat unsettling experience the other day. Here's a quick back story.

For many years, I've facilitated a self-help group on an occasional basis. In the summer of 2015, I learned via a third party that a guy (I'll refer to him here as "Ray") who'd attended my group in 2014 had confessed to lying during our meetings about his various accomplishments. The third party was adamant that Ray should not be allowed back and after considerable thought I came to agree.

I explained all this to Ray and he reluctantly agreed not to come back, though it was fairly obvious he saw nothing wrong with his actions. That was well over 2 years ago.

A few days ago, I got an email from Ray. It seems that he'd opened the last email I'd ever sent him and directly responded. The message was "Hey Michael. F*** you. Ray"

I'm trying not to think too much about this, but it bothers me that this virtual stranger is still carrying rage towards me over something that happened so long ago. Given the world we live in and the crazy things you see people doing on the news, I can't help but wonder what this guy might do someday if he gets angry enough. God forbid I ever run into him somewhere.

Any thoughts?

[FairMindedLL]

Don’t respond at all for any reason, it will only enflame him. He may continue to try to get you to respond, just don’t engage at all.

[VendorDude]

Sounds like it's the "third party" that made a mess of things here. Maybe shouldn't have followed that guy's advice.

[gouligann]

Put a filter on your email provider to block any further emails from him. Go to "settings" and follow directions from there.

You don't need his crap coming back to haunt you after this long. He's living in the past by the sounds of it.

[DanW127]

That's so strange. I can't imagine holding on to something for that long. I wonder if he was cleaning out his email or something?

[dblackga]

Sounds like he's failing at "self help" and needs to call in a pro . . .

[G-fused]

Another vote for no reply.

[WouldLoveTo]

Don't reply.

But let me tell you what happened to me once. After a bad breakup, I had penned an incredibly private and personal email to a mutual friend who had reached out to me when she felt things were getting weird. I didn't send it, but it was saved in my yahoo drafts. A few years later I found it and opened it to read it. I was on my phone and the whole thing suddenly disappeared. I dug around and found it in my sent box with a current date and time. I immedlately sent a new email asking my friend to ignore it, it had accidentaly sent while I was cleaning drafts.

If I had just closed the browser window I never would have noticed it was gone. Not saying that's what happened to you but it's possible!

[ClaraC]

I think it's possible that email was in a folder that didn't get sent yet. I do get those kind of emails from time to time - they may be in a folder for years, literally.

I'd wait and see if he sends you something else before responding. And then I would not ignore it - that makes crazy people even crazier. At that point, I would respond and CC (where Ray can see it) a colleague in the organization on that email and ask Ray how this can be resolved.

[Lbjen]

Keep a copy of his email, then block him. I don’t think you really have anything to worry about safety wise, I find these types of people to be all talk and no action, which is why they end up where they are to start with usually.