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I know a lot of people like this but most of them are women, if that's of any interest.
I've seen a variety of explanations - but almost all of them fall into what I would consider a class of petty grievances that wouldn't, for me, end a friendship.
Just the normal bitchy episodes and drama that you are probably conjuring in your head...and nothing salacious, nobody stole someone's man or said anyone looked fat or any other such unforgivable transgressions.
I tried to make more lady friends this past and it was a disaster and most of them are no longer around.
As someone who's pretty comfortable doing most things and going most places alone -- and despises small talk and making superficial conversation -- I frankly have a hard time understanding why I NEED friends beyond those who share the group activities I enjoy. Sometimes I wish I had someone with whom to discuss weighty issues or ask advice, but there's C-D, lol.
Of course, we all NEED help from time to time, but I'm not inclined to nurture a friendship just for that (ulterior) motive...
I've had close friendships that just sprang up organically from shared interests and cherish them, but I don't seek them out.
I struggle to make friends, so its no wonder I can not maintain what I don't already have. I try to not be so pushy, or open up too much, and ask questions...but the fact remains I am "trained" to make friends, but not good at it. I have high functioning Asperger's, so I struggle to connect on an emotional level. I try, but I don't connect well even though I try my best to hide the Asperger type ways. Have tried all the typical meetups, clubs, events, classes, volunteering, etc. for making friends, but it never works for me. I think if I can get through the hurdle of making friends I can try to keep them??
This is an interesting post. I've moved away from old friends or simply lost touch with former friends and co-workers. Sometimes I think of trying to get back in touch with them. But then I think, "Nah, they won't want to hear from me or maybe they would have tried to maintain contact."
How much time do most folks have to devote to friends? I don't know about others but, I work 40 - 50 hours a week, I work out at the gym for an hour 5 days a week, I have dogs who require attention and a spouse who seems to require attention. That pretty much leaves me a few hours in the evening to take care of bills, laundry, running errands, and relaxing before crashing for the night. Weekends - by the time I work out, take the dogs for a hike or go for a bike ride and do a few chores around the house, the weekend has flown by. Maintaining real friendships requires time and energy. Something many of us are sorely lacking. And, for me, as I have gotten older, I'm not particularly interested in superficial friendships. If there is not an emotional connection, I just don't see the point.
I struggle to make friends, so its no wonder I can not maintain what I don't already have. I try to not be so pushy, or open up too much, and ask questions...but the fact remains I am "trained" to make friends, but not good at it. I have high functioning Asperger's, so I struggle to connect on an emotional level. I try, but I don't connect well even though I try my best to hide the Asperger type ways. Have tried all the typical meetups, clubs, events, classes, volunteering, etc. for making friends, but it never works for me. I think if I can get through the hurdle of making friends I can try to keep them??
I would think that with the seemingly endless numbers of folks professionally or self diagnosed with Aspergers that finding friends with the same features as your own should not really be all that difficult. Then you wouldn't NEED to pretend to be someone you aren't.
Unless, of course, you are consciously or unconsciously avoiding relationships with those like yourself. If so, I don't know what to tell you. Are there not Asperger support groups?
I have a mild case. I haven't found any. I have more trouble making than keeping friends. I have a few friends for my than 39 out of my 60 years. In one case, for 51 of them.
I have let go quite a few friends because they had ulterior motives and wanted too much out of the friendship. They didn't want companionship, they wanted resources. One of them even had a horrible crush on my husband. They're gone now and I'm glad.
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