How are you living 'the single life'?

[Jenkay]

Originally Posted by k374

So, this question is more targeted towards those mid 35 and up. The vast majority of people get married by this age, have kids and get into a fixed 9-5 routine, they find purpose for their life mostly through their jobs, taking care of family responsibilities, interacting with their spouse perhaps and hanging out with extended family. This is the extended of their "adventurous" life. Some are happy with it, some wish they hadn't signed up for it.

Now, the single person in this age obviously has none of the above roles yet most have to go through the 9-5 just like their family peers, however since they have none of the other responsibilities what are you doing to take advantage of your circumstances? Are you finding purpose in your life similar to your married peers?

I see some singles doing the 9-5 routine but don't do much else, they have an opportunity to be more adventurous with their life due to a total lack of responsibilities but yet live with the "restrictions" of married people. To me this feels like the worst of both scenarios - having the freedom of the single life yet not taking advantage of it.

I'm 45, single, and am constantly running around doing fun, adventurous, interesting stuff. Long hikes in wild places, frequent road trips on my 3-day- weekends, international travel, lots of good books, museums, meals, excellent conversation with friends, etc.

I have friends who are also single who really don't take advantage of their time/freedom in the same way I do- I can't even fathom watching TV all day on a Sunday as a means of 'relaxation'- but I'm not judging them for not taking advantage of life. It's their choice, they can do what they want. Just because I choose to grab life by the b**ls doesn't mean everybody else has to.


As far as "finding purpose", I'm not quite sure what you mean. I've never felt that my life lacks purpose because I'm not married, etc.

[cityhopper]

I am the true definition of single = no kids, never been married (and no LTR in years). That said, I'm not sure if I find that I have all this "free" time or lack of responsibilities since I'm not in a LTR or a parent. I do not underestimate the demands of being a SO or a parent. However, a single person household requires a single person to keep the ship afloat at all times; I understand everyone's load is different but that may not be easy for some. Especially, when you factor in life considerations (e.g., career, health, eldercare, and other items). As a head-strong introvert, one benefit of single-dom is freedom of choice: I can do what I want without a vote or consultation. Whether it's a decision to move, change jobs/career, or reset in some other area in my life, I have the liberty to do so at will.

As far as my time, I work in a demanding profession and am career-motivated. While my career has stabilized in the last 8-10 years, work is still "my life". My personal life has been largely uneventful this year. My work demands, along with travel, were so significant this year, hibernating at home was very appealing to me.

I've never equivocated relationship status to life fulfillment and purpose. My motivation in life has always been outside the scope of relationship and family status. Naively, I always assumed the later would work itself out. Perhaps, the only difference between some married couples and myself is that they are able to disguise their certainty of life with roles that they've assumed (i.e., spouse and/or parent). While I do understand that marriage and parenthood may be considered life's greatest gifts, it's not uncommon to hear people struggle with finding their purpose despite holding one or both titles.

[jaynaydee]

Originally Posted by Blondebaerde

I'll assume you're a lady.

There are guys in their late 40s and 50s interested in meeting your demographic, I'm sure you'll do fine if you DO get bored, if it matters. Last LTR of a sort I was in ...13 months...was a lady about that demographic who was as surprised to meet me as I her. She was in the process of raising her son, which turned into a bit of a thing between us (more than a bit, truth to tell), but she'd been single a long time, focussing on her son. And, was ready to re-enter dating. When the student is ready, the teacher will come, I've found over and over in life.

Me, I'm a dedicated bachelor, if that's what they call us. Not a ton of us out there, socially acceptable men who choose very clearly not to be married or tied down with (what we perceive as) drama, BS, and compromise. Yet we can be fun dates indeed and have gentle good humor. I look at my three closest friends, all are in some degree of marital, premarital, or post marital (varies, year over year) drama. I don't think, in my heart of hearts, they are all that surprised: that's the price to pay. Hey, I'm sure the wives and GFs have a side of the story, too, of course.

While they may not be surprised, the admitted relationship highs do *not*, AFAIK, justify the abyssal lows when things crash and burn. Total crash and burn is rare, leading to divorce, but between the three of them I've now seen it twice. We're all Type A "achievers" and to listen to others, the 'A' may stand for something else, too! We're respectively driving Audis, Porsches, Minis, and big GM pickups: all larger than life, git 'r done sort of vehicles. 3/4 of us were highly ranked motorcycle roadracers (in state-level sanctioned events) back in the day. Not a one is shy, reserved, or incapable of leading small to vast teams of men into business-battle.

The attitude goes with the territory, maybe that's what 'A' really stands for in Type A.

We're out there, definitely interesting to (you) for awhile until the thrill wears off. Seek, you'll find, if you want. When I seek, on-occasion, I inevitably run into ladies like you sooner or later and it's always a hoot and holler for awhile at-least. Just saying.

Thank you for your post.

It seems guys like you are few and far between. I've met guys in that age range, but they eventually want a committed relationship and/or get married. I'm not ready. Probably never will be.

I've never met a couple that was happily married, including my parents. I have one friend who is cheating, another where she and her husband pretty much hate each other but are staying together for the kids. She's miserable. I don't want to go through all that. I love my freedom and don't want to feel like I'm physically and financially trapped. I commend those couples who are making it work, though.

I like that, 'dedicated bachelor'. Sounds like you're having fun. I used to tell people who would ask, I'm 'happily unmarried'. . Still am. That's all I want. Someone where we can get together, enjoy each other's company for awhile, then at the end of the day or night or whatever, go back to our own lives.