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I think you'd take away her will to live if you kept her out of the kitchen. She's in her 80s -- humor her. There will be future Thanksgivings when you wish you could again.
There will be future thanksgivings that some will wish they could have spent with their own families in their own homes doing their own traditions (that in 20 years should get turned over as well).
Nobody is wishing the old mom ill. All the ladies in this story are old(er) moms...
There will be future thanksgivings that some will wish they could have spent with their own families in their own homes doing their own traditions (that in 20 years should get turned over as well).
Nobody is wishing the old mom ill. All the ladies in this story are old(er) moms...
This is why, for a certain period in most people's lives, they either take turns attending dinners or squeeze two or three into one day. It's what you do for the people you love.
This is why, for a certain period in most people's lives, they either take turns attending dinners or squeeze two or three into one day. It's what you do for the people you love.
Don't worry; the old people die eventually! :P
Well, yeah, and the OP told a story of how there isn't any taking turns or squeezing in more than one. That was precisely the point.
Or someone else in the OP's family might die and she'd have regrets about not spending enough time with the person because she was always cooking, cleaning, etc. Just because her mom is 81 is no reason to think that she's going to die soon. How long do you think that this tradition should last? Maybe people would like to start their own immediate family traditions or do something entirely different.
Yup. Mom's eventual demise and loss from the family isn't the only one to consider here, which to me seemed like one of the OP's main points.
It sounds like the best compromise would be to either pay people to clean up, or assign tasks to family members, on a rotating basis from year to year. This could be agreed upon in advance, by phone calls. And of course kids can help; they can clear their dishes, and other people's dishes. Teens can help clean dishes and load the dishwasher. This isn't rocket science. But hiring professional help might be the best way to go, and wouldn't be that expensive, for 3-4 hours. The only thing with that is that you have to reserve the help months in advance, because the Thanksgiving season books up fast. Or have the occasion a few days early.
[/quote] But hiring professional help might be the best way to go, and wouldn't be that expensive, for 3-4 hours. The only thing with that is that you have to reserve the help months in advance, because the Thanksgiving season books up fast. Or have the occasion a few days early.[/quote]
Lots of luck finding a cleaning team to work on Thanksgiving Day. Then time and a half holiday pay.
I'm quite willing to turn over hostess duties to the next generation. I've done my part. But Then my identity never depended on acting the typical matriarch role.
Lots of luck finding a cleaning team to work on Thanksgiving Day. Then time and a half holiday pay.
As I said, you can find a team, but you need to lock them in months in advance. And there's always the option to have the gathering a day or two in advance, or after. This doesn't have to be a big deal. And btw, time-and-a-half for basically unskilled (but experienced) labor still doesn't add up to much. Come on, this is a once a year event we're talking about. Do you think the daughter/DIL team can't pitch in around $50 each, so they can enjoy the after-dinner socializing, for a change?
OP, it's safe to come back, now! We've found a compromise that will work for both you "girls", and mom!
Perhaps try splitting up the cooking and prep/cleanup chores for at least next year. If it doesn't work out, you gave it a shot. It seems like the SIL is the one with the catering experience and she is "done" so another procedure is necessary.
Have a sign up list (online perhaps) that all the family can see so everyone contributes.
Maybe Grandma can still be in charge of the turkey(s). Otherwise let everyone bring dishes they are comfortable making - do not let Grandma email out recipes! Split up the dishes into reasonable amounts so no one person is bringing potatoes or stuffing for 57 people.
If someone wants to bring their favorite lasagna recipe, go for it. Not everybody likes turkey.
I personally don't think "command performances" go over well. People get resentful and enjoyment is diminished. I think it would be great if the previous cooks at all the former TG feasts were the guests of honor next year in gratitude and did not have to lift a finger!
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,487 posts, read 3,338,908 times
Reputation: 9913
Quote:
Originally Posted by shamrock4
Perhaps try splitting up the cooking and prep/cleanup chores for at least next year. If it doesn't work out, you gave it a shot. It seems like the SIL is the one with the catering experience and she is "done" so another procedure is necessary.
Have a sign up list (online perhaps) that all the family can see so everyone contributes.
Maybe Grandma can still be in charge of the turkey(s). Otherwise let everyone bring dishes they are comfortable making - do not let Grandma email out recipes! Split up the dishes into reasonable amounts so no one person is bringing potatoes or stuffing for 57 people.
If someone wants to bring their favorite lasagna recipe, go for it. Not everybody likes turkey.
I personally don't think "command performances" go over well. People get resentful and enjoyment is diminished. I think it would be great if the previous cooks at all the former TG feasts were the guests of honor next year in gratitude and did not have to lift a finger!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere
I think you'd take away her will to live if you kept her out of the kitchen. She's in her 80s -- humor her. There will be future Thanksgivings when you wish you could again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
That's the problem on threads like these. People use the fact that parents (especially mothers) are mortal to guilt trip the son or daughter into not making any sort of reasonable boundary or request of that parent.
To the OP, I'd say dinner is good but I'm done with the labor, so something else needs to be done and be ready to mean it
Since people keep trying to use mortality as a guilt trip, I'm just gonna keep quoting this reply so made since it is clear no one can refrain from trying to guilt trip the OP.
Since people keep trying to use mortality as a guilt trip, I'm just gonna keep quoting this reply so made since it is clear no one can refrain from trying to guilt trip the OP.
Oh c'mon Diss, dontcha know only the matriarch is mortal in this case?
If these dinners have gone on for 60 years as the OP stated I wonder how many other family members have passed on in that timespan. Who will weep for them? (I kid, I kid).
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