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She did say thank you for hosting, but she hasn't brought a specific gift over to my parents that I can recall. I have known her for about 15 years at this point, and she has come to Thanksgiving for maybe 8 years at this point (staying over for the weekend too). Maybe more. I lost track. It took a while for her to come around to helping pick up after dinner, etc.
I think generally speaking she doesn't think that way. For example, in my circle of friends, I am one of few people with a car. So in the case I drove, I have chauffeur duties. She lives about a 15 minute drive in the opposite direction of me. Our local movie theater has paid parking (it costs $3-5 depending on time spent). I was taught that if someone else drives, you chip in or pay for parking/tolls/etc. Maybe even chip in for gas depending on circumstances. She doesn't do that, ever.
I'll chalk it up to different lessons. I feel obligated to do something, even if it is small, when I am being hosted.
If I am headed over to a potluck/events/whatever, I assume I am just going to leave whatever I brought. If it is a dish to share and I am leaving, I'll make one last offering, or ask the host for a dish to put the remainder in for the benefits of other guests.
She must have a great sense of humor or something else, seeing as how you put up with her, & do her bidding. She is far too cheap & selfish for me to hang with. You can find better people to go to the movies with.
She did say thank you for hosting, but she hasn't brought a specific gift over to my parents that I can recall. I have known her for about 15 years at this point, and she has come to Thanksgiving for maybe 8 years at this point (staying over for the weekend too). Maybe more. I lost track. It took a while for her to come around to helping pick up after dinner, etc.
I think generally speaking she doesn't think that way. For example, in my circle of friends, I am one of few people with a car. So in the case I drove, I have chauffeur duties. She lives about a 15 minute drive in the opposite direction of me. Our local movie theater has paid parking (it costs $3-5 depending on time spent). I was taught that if someone else drives, you chip in or pay for parking/tolls/etc. Maybe even chip in for gas depending on circumstances. She doesn't do that, ever.
I'll chalk it up to different lessons. I feel obligated to do something, even if it is small, when I am being hosted.
If I am headed over to a potluck/events/whatever, I assume I am just going to leave whatever I brought. If it is a dish to share and I am leaving, I'll make one last offering, or ask the host for a dish to put the remainder in for the benefits of other guests.
I think that you should tell her to make other plans for next year. If she has been going to your house for Thanksgiving for the past 8 years, she knows your parents well enough and might be considered family. If she has never brought a hostess gift or offered to bring a side dish or dessert or helped with the clean up, she is just rude. As I said before, it's one thing to offer to bring something and be told by the hostess no, it's quite another to not to make an offer. And she's stays on past the original day without helping out- you are not running a hotel. Unless she has a scintillating personality, don't invite her for next year. Or is she just assuming that she is invited every year, I can't quite tell.
As a general rule: This friend, how is she with most things? Does she pay for her own dinner when you go out? Is she generous at all? She went up there with you, your mom and dad paid for everything. Did she offer to help with the dishes? Or cook the food?
I only speak for me. If I were invited up, I would try to help in whatever way I could. I would only take the bottles back if the mom or dad said to do so. I would not take them just because I paid for them.
Hmmm, hostess gifts and such are great, but since when do we start expecting our guest to pay their way with such things and decide they aren't worth our time if they don't?
My bottom line, if I paid for them and y'all don't drink them, I gonna get my money's worth for them even if I have to drink them myself at home. At $10-20 a bottle for alcohol, I gotta get my money's worth. Call me cheap if you want.
OP said:
Quote:
..... She picked up 3 bottles as well. Each bottle cost about $2.50.......
So yes, it's tacky to take home what is left over.
I know someone with very bad manners all around, that I never invite to my home for dinner any more. She does stuff like this. She brought some cookies over one time and then told every guest, they could have only one. Even though there were lots of cookies, people could have eaten more. Then she took the rest of the batch home with her. She did the same thing with a box of chocolates one time. She has no clue how tacky and low class she is. Which is why she's no longer invited. It's embarrassing to bring her around other people I know.
Hmmm, hostess gifts and such are great, but since when do we start expecting our guest to pay their way with such things and decide they aren't worth our time if they don't?
They aren't expected to pay their way. They are expected to show manners and class. It's a rule of etiquette that you leave what you bring over - wine, food, chocolates.
Hmmm, hostess gifts and such are great, but since when do we start expecting our guest to pay their way with such things and decide they aren't worth our time if they don't?
When guests develop the habit of being rude free-loaders who take their hosts' generosity for granted.
Eventually they lose their welcome. What goes around comes around.
The best etiquette in situations like being invited to a holiday meal is to offer to bring one or two things like a desert or side dish. If the host says no, bring something like flowers and/or wine to show gratitude for the hospitality. The OP's friend has been to their Thanksgivings for a few years in a row so she should DEFINITELY be doing this.
I wouldn't get angry or confront the friend since it really isn't the end of the world, but in the future, I would kindly assign her two items like wine and an appetizer to contribute to the gathering. We would definitely be popping open and drinking her bottle first!
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