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Do you think it fair that the youngest gets only 50 bucks worth of things?
Do you think it fair that the wife's input was virtually ignored?
It will all balance out eventually. The older one will be gone in 2 years and the younger one will likely get to benefit from being the only kid around. They will have more money then. It might not be fair on Xmas but it will be fine.
Idk why the wife's opinion was more valuable than his. Either way, he figured it out. Her opinion wasn't ignored, if it was up to him, he would have got the phone on his own.
So basically, you do not feel guilty about giving your youngest daughter the shaft - because after all, you didn't pay for the phone. You can pass the buck - and the blame - to your sister.
Nice.
Why not get your youngest a thousand dollars worth of stuff, too? Get sis to pay for it.
The only reason why I went into so much trouble and embarrassment is because I need to stay true to my word for the sake of my kids becoming decent people who value promises. I didn't promise my youngest daughter anything, and everything she put on her Christmas Wish List is something beyond doable according to my budget so I'll just get her everything she wrote down.
I would like to specify, yet again, that the only reason why my daughter is getting this phone is because I made a promise for 3 years straight. If she'd asked for this phone at random this year without any prior discussion, I wouldn't have even considered buying it for her. It's not like it's exactly easy for me having to beg my younger sister for money, I definitely don't do it often and am not planning on doing it unless it's a real emergency.
The only reason why I went into so much trouble and embarrassment is because I need to stay true to my word for the sake of my kids becoming decent people who value promises. I didn't promise my youngest daughter anything, and everything she put on her Christmas Wish List is something beyond doable according to my budget so I'll just get her everything she wrote down.
I would like to specify, yet again, that the only reason why my daughter is getting this phone is because I made a promise for 3 years straight. If she'd asked for this phone at random this year without any prior discussion, I wouldn't have even considered buying it for her. It's not like it's exactly easy for me having to beg my younger sister for money, I definitely don't do it often and am not planning on doing it unless it's a real emergency.
Hey, the money is on your sister. I wouldn't have done it, especially if you were giving the youngest only 50 bucks worth of stuff.
What about your promise to your wife? To treat her as an equal in the relationship? To raise your kids together and treat each other with respect?
HelloB,
And no one said the wife's opinion is MORE valuable. But her opinion matters - and I have not seen one post or action as described by the OP that acknowledges that.
So to be clear, your 16 year old is getting a $1,000 phone? If an older phone would have fulfilled your promise, why are you intent on getting her the newest, especially when your wife is against it? It doesn't seem like it's about keeping your word, it almost seems like you're also trying to stick it to your wife (and not in a good way).
I bet daughter who got what she wanted will listen to your speech peacefully as her demands were met. The pressure's off. The mood will last until the next demand emerges. Whatever she "learns" will go right out the window at that point. Once again, you acted just how she expected you would but this time you wheedled other family to join into your enabling behavior. This talk will have lost its punch whenever it happens. Its an uncomfortable pattern breaker topic for you, so life will go on and it will get buried. Any bets on whether it ever happens?
That's what I was thinking as well. All she will hear is I got exactly what I wanted by whining and playing the 'everybody has one except me' card. She didn't learn anything about not keeping up with the joneses or the difference between needs and wants or that sometimes situations change and you can't always keep promises made. Yes, we'd all like to keep the promises that we make to our children but if circumstances change, the child should learn that you can't always get what you want, when you want. You didn't even try to get her involved in helping to pay for the phone. I know that you said that you are against physically and emotionally hurting a child but you can't keep your children from experiencing hurts and disappointments. Learning how to handle these experiences is a part of growing up.
I hope that you will make it clear that this is her phone now and if she wants to upgrade to the newer version (which will probably be out before she goes off to college) that she will have to pay for that one.
It will all balance out eventually. The older one will be gone in 2 years and the younger one will likely get to benefit from being the only kid around. They will have more money then. It might not be fair on Xmas but it will be fine.
ROFL! Yeah, the older one will be in college -- no expenses, there! *snort* Little one will be told, "Oh, we have to pay for Dani's room/board/books/transportation home/etc." Youngest may be sweet-natured, but that's going to get old, fast.
So to be clear, your 16 year old is getting a $1,000 phone? If an older phone would have fulfilled your promise, why are you intent on getting her the newest, especially when your wife is against it? It doesn't seem like it's about keeping your word, it almost seems like you're also trying to stick it to your wife (and not in a good way).
Because he prommmmmmmmmissed the newest phone... It was a sacred PROMISE.
That $1000 phone in the hands of a 16-year-old is going to be damaged, lost, stolen, or otherwise continue to be a source of angst and discord. (I can say this with confidence having once been a 16-year-old girl, though back in the dark ages when there were no iPhones.)
And then the next iteration of the iPhone will appear, and the $1000 phone will no longer be good enough.
ROFL! Yeah, the older one will be in college -- no expenses, there! *snort* Little one will be told, "Oh, we have to pay for Dani's room/board/books/transportation home/etc." Youngest may be sweet-natured, but that's going to get old, fast.
Whatever they save on presents, someone will be paying for down the line in therapy. Seen it before, demanding kid gets catered to, sweet good-natured kid gets walked all over. In other words, good behaviour gets punished and bad behavior gets rewarded.
"oh, you're OK with us using all the holiday money to get big sis a $1000 phone? Great kid, here's a chocolate santa."
BTW, I never got an answer as to whether Dani's phone is going to be the most expensive phone in the family.
And is anyone else besides me bothered that this family seems to be living paycheck to paycheck with 2 kids, one of whom will be off to college soon? Do they have anything in savings? Emergency fund? Retirement accounts?
Hi, thank you for taking time out of your day to acknowledge my post.
I have the iphone SE as well and I love it, but you're right to assume she wouldn't be happy with it and it is kind of a waste of money to get her something I know she'll be disappointed by.
Samsung has lovely phones but at my daughter's school there's huge Applemania flying around and 90% of the kids own Apple products. Then again, we do live in Santa Clara County and about 15-20 mins away from the Apple Headquarters so it may have something to do with that, I'm not really sure. I myself don't understand this huge obsession with iPhones and iSomethings either but I feel like a flawed parent depriving my daughter of something she really wants that all her friends and kids at school have just because I miscalculated my finances. I just feel horrible about this whole situation because I know it's all my fault for promising her something I'm now not able to follow up on.
Actually more often than not whenever we argue about anything money related she always tells me something along the lines of "You know dad I'm going to work extremely hard to get into college and pursue a career that makes sure my kids don't have to go through what I'm going through with you and mom because it really sucks to be me right now" plus a few curse words in there I'm not going to repeat. I really don't appreciate the disrespect and I always tell her to be respectful towards us but we have quite a few issues with her in general.
Just wow. Sounds like you have much bigger issues than an iPhone, Android, or whatever electronic device happens to be the current rage. Much luck.
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