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Old 12-19-2017, 09:53 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942

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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
During the email correspondence when she was showing enthusiasm, she said she was free Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of that week and that she would contact me to arrange to come over to my house for five minutes to review the drawings.

She never contacted me that weekend - on Monday I sent her an email saying I would move forward and hoped that she likes the artwork - she responded back that whatever I wanted to do would be fine - very, very friendly.

When I thought she was going to come over, I was looking forward to discussing our mutual hobby (which we had discussed at the mailbox, which is the only time I ever speak to her - or when she is working in her yard).

So I tried, but whatever. She is "not my type" anyway (meaning we probably have little in common), but I was willing to be friendly . . .

Face it, after twenty years, I was dreaming.
It sounds like you projected into her email that she was being "very, very friendly", unless there's something you left out, here. One could easily read that as being dismissive. Politely dismissive.

 
Old 12-19-2017, 09:56 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Anyway, I think it is very rude if someone asks you a question that you know the answer to, and because you don't want to be bothered, you withhold the answer - thus refuse the opportunity to help someone. I see this as a kind of "greediness" of spirit. It is not nice, in any case.
She said she didn't respond to GOSSIP! She didn't want to participate in it, or do anything to indulge it, contribute to it, or perpetuate it. That's the high moral ground, far from "rude". You completely missed the context of the situation she described, and continue to ignore it!
 
Old 12-19-2017, 10:12 AM
 
Location: NYC
16,061 posts, read 26,692,634 times
Reputation: 24848
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
I would love to show them, but for anonymity's sake, cannot (they are too distinctive).

In the meantime, said neighbors put their Christmas decorations up - very gaudy - huge, inflatable Santa on roof - all kinds of garish things. I was thinking of taking a picture of that, just to prove I am not the one with the questionable taste!
Wow, you are showing more and more you are the issue, not your neighbors. You are trying to prove that you have good taste and they don't? That in itself lacks class and taste.
 
Old 12-19-2017, 10:23 AM
 
8,228 posts, read 14,185,562 times
Reputation: 11233
I don't think I've ever had neighbors that were anything but total strangers. Sometimes I read about people saying what great neighborhoods they have and I get a little envious since I've never experienced that. No bad neighbors, never knew them. Keep themselves to themselves in extremis.
 
Old 12-19-2017, 10:48 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,564,516 times
Reputation: 28462
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
It is a two mailbox thing . . . very, very nice - made of very sturdy all metal - on a very nice all-metal post (so no rotting down the line) - the mailboxes themselves on the one sturdy post were expensive.

Then I commissioned artwork, which turned out fabulous . . . truly beautiful! I posted the images on<edit>social media and the boxes got rave reviews.

The woman in question is very shallow and phony - she always smiles at me, but has never made an effort to become friends - whenever I speak to her she is very pleasant TO MY FACE - but she is shallow . . . that is my take on her.

She could not be bothered to check out the design - I had printed out images and asked her to stop by for FIVE MINUTES - I told her I was going to pay for everything . . . she was all for it - except she could not spare FIVE MINUTES - actually said she couldn't. Who does not have five minutes. I had planned to just show her the images and ask if the ones I had chosen suited her . . . so, so weird, and so rude.
We share a mailbox post with a neighbor. They replaced the mailboxes this year because they were rusting. They asked us what we wanted and we said we were fine with whatever they picked out and to let us know what we owed them. That was the entire conversation. We don't give a flying hoot about a mailbox or a the post it attaches to.

While you may think the mailbox thing you have made is beautiful, she may think it looks like a blind 3rd grader made it. We all have different tastes when it comes to art.

And no she doesn't owe you 5 minutes to talk about a mailbox. We had a 20 second conversation with our neighbor about the mailboxes. That was all there was to it. No photos. No 5 minutes. If they wanted to show us photos, I would have said, we're not interested. I don't have 5 minutes to talk about a freaking mailbox.
 
Old 12-19-2017, 10:50 AM
 
6,039 posts, read 6,035,274 times
Reputation: 16753
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Reading through the last comments . . .there are so many judgmental people who jump to conclusions! Wow.

I have no animosity towards those neighbors - again, was just disappointed because I truly tried to do something I thought they would like . . . so I "thought wrong." Yes. I admit it. I assumed too much. But the motive was to please them because their taste is very specific and I thought I had nailed it - it's the same way I felt when I had my favorite images painted on MY mailbox - it's hard to describe, but it just makes me happy to see my mailbox because it is so beautiful - this is not anything I had ever thought of before, so I understand why others don't "get it." Just a little dollop of joy every time I walk outside my house and glimpse it.
It irks me when someone in a situation like this has to resort to the "you don't get it" cop out, because we DO get it precisely because we're not enmeshed in this weird situation.

We get that you have an almost festishized attachment to a mailbox, and that one neighbor doesn't share the same enthusiasm about. We get you take that fact and extrapolate out to a general complaint about the un-neigborliness of your 'hood for the past 20 years, bringing in several examples completely unrelated to the mailbox. We get you claim in your OP to be a near-perfect neighbor. We get that you have this burbling desire to connect with your neighbor over a shared hobby, but won't address it directly. This is in between the insults and negative judgments you've been hurling at the same people you claim to want connection with!! We DO get it!

This whole bag of worms has apparently been festering in you to some degree for 20 years, maybe it's time to let it go and get a fresh perspective? There's little evidence of your objectivity here...
 
Old 12-19-2017, 10:56 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
Quote:
Originally Posted by elhelmete View Post
It irks me when someone in a situation like this has to resort to the "you don't get it" cop out, because we DO get it precisely because we're not enmeshed in this weird situation.

We get that you have an almost festishized attachment to a mailbox, and that one neighbor doesn't share the same enthusiasm about. We get you take that fact and extrapolate out to a general complaint about the un-neigborliness of your 'hood for the past 20 years, bringing in several examples completely unrelated to the mailbox. We get you claim in your OP to be a near-perfect neighbor. We get that you have this burbling desire to connect with your neighbor over a shared hobby, but won't address it directly. This is in between the insults and negative judgments you've been hurling at the same people you claim to want connection with!! We DO get it!

This whole bag of worms has apparently been festering in you to some degree for 20 years, maybe it's time to let it go and get a fresh perspective? There's little evidence of your objectivity here...
Unfortunately, what also comes through loud and clear is that the OP has a very child-like view of reality TV, and is emotionally needy in the neighbor department. So much so, that she interprets home makeover shows as evidence that there's a magic kingdom somewhere beyond the borders of her neighborhood (somewhere, over the rainbow?), where throngs of neighbors cheer each other on, exchange baked treats periodically, and routinely invite each other into their homes for parties.
 
Old 12-19-2017, 11:53 AM
 
Location: planet earth
8,620 posts, read 5,620,113 times
Reputation: 19644
I love where I live. It is perfect in every way, except for lack of friendly, supportive neighbors. When I say "supportive," I mean heart-centered people who actually care for others - it's a world view - not expecting actions, per se, but "good will," not phony pasted on smiles and hollow small talk. That's just my preference. Yes, I am idealistic. Always have been.

I accept that my preference is not my current reality.

I don't know if there are any neighborhoods full of the people I would like to surround myself with (and be a part of).

The word "community" means something to me - it means caring.

I don't know if "you people" (the ones who are piling on to criticize me) have ever studied various tribes - tribal people support each other, because they have to for the sake of survival. They have figured it out.

Modern day "man" does not give a crap about anyone but "himself" - thus many people become isolated and all kinds of bad things happen to people when they are isolated.

Human beings, like dogs, are pack animals. If you want to pathologize that, I would not like you for a neighbor, either. I don't know why you would feel the need to insult me, but feel that says more about you than it does about me.
 
Old 12-19-2017, 12:02 PM
 
Location: The Heart of Dixie
1,359 posts, read 1,799,165 times
Reputation: 3496
I'm wondering how somebody complaining about a neighbor who doesn't give a flip about their choice of "designer" mailbox turned into a 26 page thread...
 
Old 12-19-2017, 12:05 PM
 
Location: Austin
140 posts, read 139,282 times
Reputation: 196
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
I have lived in my neighborhood for 20+ years.

I have the worst neighbors - well, if not THE worst, not "neighborly" in the least.

I just purchased a mailbox for one of my neighbors, complete with special artistic treatment - I told them I was going to do this (we share a two-mailbox thing-y) - it turned out amazing - very beautiful. We had been emailing back and forth as it was being designed - she did not have five minutes to consult on the design - was "too busy" but acted like she loved what I was proposing.

Now it is done and installed - I spent hundreds of dollars on the project. Someone asked me how they like it - the husband said it was cool, but she has not said one word (no email "thanks"), nothing . . .

The rest of the neighbors are standoffish and unfriendly, as well (and it's not a big loss, as they seem like boring people, but if they had been friendly at all, I would have liked them but now that they have shown how unfriendly they are, I don't).

And no, I am not a bad neighbor - au contraire - I am a great neighbor - house and yard upkeep, check, have done many favors for these ingrates over the years - have given pies and cookies to some of them, have watched their homes, reported weird things I have seen to them (one water damage issue, one potential crime invitation, etc., etc.)

They are just not supportive neighbors - not like the ones featured on "Extreme Makeovers" back in the day when the entire neighborhood would come together to celebrate someone's house getting remodeled.
My god they should atleast come over and fold your laundry . Ask yourself, did you make that mail box for yourself or to impress your neighbors?This is a problem with outsiders in Texas. I'd personally recommend getting to know the mailboxes around you and assimilating yourself, rather than expecting all the other mailboxes to cater to your personal style and fashion.
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