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Yes people like this should be dumped. They aren't worth it. I'd rather be alone and feel isolated, than be around people who are toxic.
I've got other friends, I'll survive without the one. It's a shame, we did have some fun times together many years ago.
FWIW, being alone and feeling isolated are not the same thing - I don't feel isolated when I'm alone. But yes, toxic people must be avoided at all cost.
I've dumped three close friends over the years over very different reasons. I miss them all as far as the social aspect of the friendships. However I have no ill feelings towards any of them, I wish them well in life. I just don't want to be part of it. I've told my own children, you have to be respectful to others but you do not have to be friends with everyone. Self preservation is not something to feel ashamed of or something to compromise.
I just recently in 2017 ditched a friend because every time we planned to do something she would cancel all the time, just wanting peoples stories, would you regret the choice to get rid of a friend if they were doing this????
I have a friend like that who cancels plans all the time because "something" happens. I just quit making plans with her. We are still friends, but I just understand and accept that there are other important things and people in her life. It's no big deal. I just have my own fun on my own time and meet some people of my own. And yes, she is/was a close friend. We started our friendship with her constantly chasing after me, being borderline clingy. Then I started getting closer to her because I thought she wanted me that way. Then she started gravitating towards others and leaving me out of a lot of things. Even making plans with me and dropping them.
It got to the point where I just do my own thing. We still talk, and are friends, but it is going to be more of a slow fade and not a drop out.
I divorced a good friend this year. We were friends for over 10 years. She just kept devolving more and more as a human being to the point where I didn't want her around my home any longer. Her neediness, ADHD, cognitive dissonance, self obsession, neuroses, deceptions, and verbally aggressive behavior were just wearing me down to a nub. I felt like I was constantly walking in a mine field, never knowing what was going to set her off. When she snapped at my daughter I was like, no mas. Hasta la bye-bye.
That scares me about my friend, she seems to be getting worse. But the cut off point is how she treats my child if I have any.
Over the years I've become more picky about friends. It does take something pretty major for me to completely dump them but from experience if its got to the stage where you just need to walk away then its going to be worth it.
"friend" #1 was great but then started having panic attacks in public, I helped her with this but she became more and more dependent on other people. One day I called by to pick her up for a doctors appointment and noticed some paperwork with MY name on it, turned out she was claiming me as a carer and was getting money for it that probably should have been paying my petrol etc but strangely never did. I confronted her and she admitted she had claimed disability but it wasn't enough to live on so had also claimed me as a carer which almost doubled her monthly paycheck (this was in the UK). Told her to take my name off and buh bye ...
"friend" #2 has been documented on CD before, asked to come and stay for a vacation, spent the whole time drunk or sleeping, smoked like a trooper paid nothing towards food nor eating out. Got upset with me when she asked to come live with us while she house hunted as she wanted to move home. Found out her daughter had found out about her alcohol abuse and pretty much thrown her out. We declined the invitation of a drunk housemate so she took a huff and deleted us from fb *sigh*. Have since heard from her daughter that she pretty much blows her entire pension on booze and is still shacked up with her brother who is also looking to throw her out. Train wreck time ... don't miss that at all.
I ended a friendship a couple of years ago because this person was ALWAYS late...until she wanted to do business together with another friend of hers. All of a sudden, she was on time. After a couple of times of her being spot.on.time., I started to think about it. It was respect. Not for me, but for the other lady friend who she also worked with. So I learned a valuable lesson when that light bulb went off. She never respected ME because I never said anything about her being late. I allowed her to treat me that way. We would be in a restaurant having lunch (after I waited for her over 40 mins) and then she was texting or on the phone with her kids or husband. Maybe if I would've said something years ago it would've been different. But she did it to all her friends, so I just thought it was just her quirk.
And no, I didn't go into business with her. The other friend backed out (smart move), and then I didn't hear from my friend for several weeks (after she had been giving me regular updates on the business). I knew she had changed her mind and I didn't invest anything so it was really just my time that was wasted (again!). She did finally call and boy did it take her over 30 minutes to tell me she changed her mind about the business. Then a few days later she wanted to stop by and drop off some things of mine that she borrowed. So the day that she wanted to come by she texted that she would be at my house after 9am. Then she texted could she come after 3pm. Then it's 3pm and no friend. Then she texts that she can't make it, could she come by the next day? HAHA, I laughed out loud! Um no dear, you can't come the next day or ever. I texted her that I would come by her house, just leave the things outside if she wasn't going to be home.
I wrote a letter and sat on it for awhile before I sent it. I sent it and I don't regret it. I did the letter because I didn't want to waste any more time with her. My only regret is that I should've said something about her always being late from the get go. It was a lesson for me to learn.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 1 day ago)
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I have an acquaintance who cancels all the time. If the group is getting together, she will RSVP yes the night before and then in the morning cancel. She has severe anxiety and I'm not sure what else, I suspect an Rx drug addiction with depression.
I wonder if your friend is the same way, OP. Anyway, we know she's never going to show up to anything, not sure why she's still on group emails.
Some of these stories are so dramatic! And I would have no trouble getting rid of a friend who did those kinds of things. I did get rid of a friend, and I don't regret it, but it also did not make me feel better. I still feel some guilt from doing it. She did nothing really wrong like stealing money from me, being chronically late or dishonest.
She was just...annoying. And became needy after she suddenly had more time from retiring from teaching. We had never been what I considered to be close, and I had moved to a different location 4 hours away, and suddenly (at least six years after I had moved) she started wanting to get together in NYC where I live.
She invited herself to stay overnight with me in my small one bedroom apartment that I also use for work as a freelancer. I said no the first time but when she changed the dates, I relented but I HATED having her here, even just for one weekend. During that weekend, I found out her own brother lives quite close to me in NYC in a 2 bedroom apartment that he has all to himself, and she had not even asked him if she could stay there instead of imposing on me in my small place. Then when she left at the end of the weekend, she said in baby talk, "You're my BEST FRIEND" (this is a 60+ year old woman speaking baby talk) and I thought...no I am not. And proceeded to make sure I ghosted her.
She's still trying, like posting comments on my instagram page, and texting me happy new year, etc. I'm sure she has no idea what happened, which makes me feel guilty, but it's not like it would be any nicer to simply tell her she's extremely annoying to me.
My 30-year friendship ended during the summer of 2017. It was time for a lot of reasons. No, I don’t regret it. Yes, I miss her.
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