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OP, I think your parents may surprise you pleasantly. Many people who are anti-gay simply aren't close to any gay people, and once they are confronted with the reality that gay people are just people like anyone else, their prejudices diminish. I mean, if your mom, bless her, is getting her ideas about how LGBTQ people live from Ru-Paul's Drag Race...lol.
My inclination would be to tell them sooner rather than later. You shouldn't have to hide who you are. That said, I would get all my ducks in a row before you come out to them. Have a plan for what you will do if things go boom. Where will you go, how will you get there, etc.
I would also talk to the bursar's office at your university and float them the scenario - your finances are currently arranged with your parents' incomes in mind, but you are about to come out to them, and may totally lose their support - how would someone in that situation go about paying for school? Universities don't make it easy to disregard parents' expected financial contribution, but it is possible in extreme circumstances to be considered a financially independent student, and "disowned for being gay" would likely qualify. With your test scores and GPA you should be eligible for quite a few scholarship and grants. Pursue these aggressively. You might need to take out some loans - if you do, go through the FAFSA process and your school, not through private lenders. If you haven't settled on a school yet, this may be a major factor in which you choose - which one would be easiest to fund, in the absence of parental support.
My point is, have a plan. If you don't have to use it, that's wonderful. But it'll give you peace of mind and confidence to know it's there.
Think I'm going to tell my mom tomorrow, I can't stand keeping this from her any longer
Ok, maybe I should stop staying up until 2 in the morning making promises I'm not ready to follow through with. Lol. After thinking about the possible consequences of telling them, I don't think I'm ready to do so quite yet. But I will have to do so eventually. Ugh
OP, I think your parents may surprise you pleasantly. Many people who are anti-gay simply aren't close to any gay people, and once they are confronted with the reality that gay people are just people like anyone else, their prejudices diminish. I mean, if your mom, bless her, is getting her ideas about how LGBTQ people live from Ru-Paul's Drag Race...lol.
That said, I would get all my ducks in a row before you come out to them. First year of school arranged, all paperwork wrapped up, housing ready, your own transportation established, all that. So if they cut off all support and connections, you wouldn't be in an emergency situation. I would also talk to the bursar's office at your university AHEAD of time, and float them the scenario - your finances are currently arranged with your parents' incomes in mind, but you are about to come out to them, and may totally lose their support - how would someone in that situation go about paying for school? Universities don't make it easy to disregard parents' expected financial contribution, but it is possible in extreme circumstances to be considered a financially independent student, and "disowned for being gay" would likely qualify. With your test scores and GPA you should be eligible for quite a few scholarship and grants. Pursue these aggressively. You might need to take out some loans - if you do, go through the FAFSA process and your school, not through private lenders.
My point is, have a plan that has the Is dotted and the Ts crossed. If you don't have to use it, that's wonderful. But it'll give you peace of mind and confidence to know it's there.
Yes, my mom literally does think all gay people are like those on Rupaul's Drag Race and Project Runway, lol.
And yes, I have applied to scholarships at all 3 universities I've been accepted to. I was invited to apply to quite a few hefty scholarships through each college's business school as a direct admit student, some of them even offering full rides. I'll know around March or April if I got any of these. Right now, I'm leaning towards IU (hence my username lol) but that could easily change if I get a lot of scholarships to attend UWM or UIUC.
Wow...the tension is building, even for C-D posters.
That's great about telling your brother.
Do you wish to talk to a gay youth support group, maybe on the phone before this big decision?
Here in Boston, we have BAGLY (Boston Area Gay and Lesbian Youth. They've been around a long time; I'm sure Chicago has something similar you can tap in to, and this decision seems urgent, so maybe call them today for advice.
Or, just proceed in your own way. As you know, there's no textbook on this, of course
I'm sure there are plenty of support groups throughout the Chicagoland area, I'll have to check it out. Thanks for the advice
Yes, my mom literally does think all gay people are like those on Rupaul's Drag Race and Project Runway, lol.
And yes, I have applied to scholarships at all 3 universities I've been accepted to. I was invited to apply to quite a few hefty scholarships through each college's business school as a direct admit student, some of them even offering full rides. I'll know around March or April if I got any of these. Right now, I'm leaning towards IU (hence my username lol) but that could easily change if I get a lot of scholarships to attend UWM or UIUC.
Sounds like you have good options that will help you be more independent of your parents. That's excellent.
Ok, maybe I should stop staying up until 2 in the morning making promises I'm not ready to follow through with. Lol. After thinking about the possible consequences of telling them, I don't think I'm ready to do so quite yet. But I will have to do so eventually. Ugh
Good decision, take the pressure off yourself. Focus on getting through college and enjoying that experience. You will be 22 when you graduate and you will still be very young and can tell them from a position of strength and independence. You will know when the time is right. Don't feel pressured. While it will probably go very well in the long run, the short run may be a challenge. You don't need to be a freshman in college dealing with that kind of uncertainty and stress. Part of becoming an independent competent adult is growing into the reality that you do not need your parents approval anymore. But at 17 you are not there yet. Wait until you are.
There is so much great advice here already from everyone and not much to add but I'll offer this:
Our family situation was very similar to yours and when we all found out my brother was gay, my parents changed. They loved him just the same and even my ultra conservative dad came around and told him he was free to have dates over for dinner, etc.
I hope this is the situation for you but remember this always; the choice to come out to anyone is yours and yours alone and you should never feel pressured or coerced into doing it. Everything at your pace and the way you want to do it.
Bless you and I wish you much happiness in this life!
Your mom said exactly what my mom said to me (same Catholic household, same gpa, etc., me then earning a half mil/yr) only I was 30 years older than you at the time.
But some things never change.
She doesn't want to know. Has she ever asked you how many times/wk you masturbate? Of course not. Have you ever asked her what "position" her and Pa like to do it in? Of course not.
Some (many) things are just not topics that decent cultured people discuss - particularly when the boundaries (as in your case) have been clearly spelled out. Keep your mouth shut. She is not going to increase your allowance because you're "gay." In fact, the opposite is more likely. Your personal life is your personal life. Best you grasp that now. It'll come in handy especially in the next 15 - 25 years. You can be sure of that.
And, my advice, catch him while you can - you won't be a youngin' forever, and remember - start pressing weights - now. Best use of your time at this time, and you'll thank me 30 years from now. Just make sure you have an authentic expert instructing you (some U's have a course in that - if so, take it). Do that stuff wrong, and bad joints stay with you forever.
Last edited by TwinbrookNine; 01-04-2018 at 05:41 PM..
Yes, my mom literally does think all gay people are like those on Rupaul's Drag Race and Project Runway, lol.
And yes, I have applied to scholarships at all 3 universities I've been accepted to. I was invited to apply to quite a few hefty scholarships through each college's business school as a direct admit student, some of them even offering full rides. I'll know around March or April if I got any of these. Right now, I'm leaning towards IU (hence my username lol) but that could easily change if I get a lot of scholarships to attend UWM or UIUC.
Just remember, in the business world especially, with no babe-in-arm you'll need to be 100% neutral and especially well qualified. Hollywood is NOT the real world, and those hiring discussions are never put down on paper.
P.S. UIUC not a particularly rich source of hubbies there. All the ones I've known, even at age 50, are 2 bit landscapers living week-to-week. I'd avoid that place.
OP, you are obviously a sensitive and caring person. And observant.
You are still in HS. I would not even consider broaching this subject until years from now - at least until after you have finished your education and launched a career or found your path in life. Your folks might not be so thrilled and accepting... and they also might say OH you are so young?! What do you know?! How CAN you know?! etc...
If one of your friends blabs and it makes its way back to your parents... there is plausible deniability for them. They can deny it to themselves. I know that you see on TV that you should "come out" etc. Well, its not the real world. No one wants to know about your sexuality in IRL! Sexuality is personal (IMHO) and there is no reason to go yakking to friends, family and people at large "I'm Gay." People might say "who cares?" or "I know."
IRL no one cares if you are gay or not. Don't flaunt it at work if you want to be taken seriously as a PERSON/WORKER. Not about gay or straight, but as a PERSON. We are people first... and life does not revolve around your sexuality. Again, no one cares... HR manager here... and I've heard it all.
As for your parents... I would wait until a later date. Maybe they will ask you why you don't have a GF. Maybe they will NEVER ask you, because they suspect you might be gay. Let it rest. Get a little more comfortable in your own skin and with your own choices before you go informing the folks. Focus on your education. (Yeah, Yeah, I know...) Education is first and foremost at this juncture -- and the rest of the stuff will fall into place when the time is right.
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. After thinking about the possible consequences of telling them, I don't think I'm ready to do so quite yet. But I will have to do so eventually. Ugh
