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Sometimes at work or in dealing with family, they tease me about my personality (being reserved) or my gut or something else stupid and I usually just laugh it off. Sometimes people (mostly non family) will make some kind of comment like “DeCastro just takes my crap. I know I can make fun of him and he won’t do anything” or “Why do you let people talk to you like that?” and then other people observe someone saying these things to me and then they start making fun of me too. I guess I can’t tell the difference between being made fun of and just jokes. I thought if someone jokes you just laugh or play along but instead I get looked at as being too quiet or weak and that is why I have been bullied at every job.
You just can’t win. If I say something back to the person, even in a calm way, they think I can’t take a joke and they mess with me even harder the next time.
Stop laughing....and just give them a real mean look.....and a sinister smile.
I detest people like you are describing. They are worse than people who will just say they don't like you. You can deal with that, you just avoid them....but disguising this bullying you are describing like it is supposed to be funny disgusts me.
Have you got an HR person at work...or anyone that will stick up for you?
And, your family?.....I have to say, No one would be picking on my cousin or brother like they are picking on you....I'd have to say something to them and it wouldn't be at all funny if I did.
They are bully's....and they are more afraid of someone picking on them, so they pick on someone like you, who isn't going to be mean to them cause they are cowards. I'd have to know how close they are as far as family....if it was someone that you could avoid I would do that.
Know that you are the better person, because they are behaving like small children....and you are behaving like an adult.
Maybe next time someone says....Hey, why do you let them get away with that...Say, my folks taught me to overlook simple minded people who can't help themselves. At least that is a backwards insult. Or....Tell them that you just read an article that explains why someone bully's/makes fun of other people....OP, The top article link gives some very good descriptors that you should quote....That should embarrass those jerks.
Please update and lets us know how you are doing.
Sometimes at work or in dealing with family, they tease me about my personality (being reserved) or my gut or something else stupid and I usually just laugh it off. Sometimes people (mostly non family) will make some kind of comment like “DeCastro just takes my crap. I know I can make fun of him and he won’t do anything” or “Why do you let people talk to you like that?” and then other people observe someone saying these things to me and then they start making fun of me too. I guess I can’t tell the difference between being made fun of and just jokes. I thought if someone jokes you just laugh or play along but instead I get looked at as being too quiet or weak and that is why I have been bullied at every job.
You just can’t win. If I say something back to the person, even in a calm way, they think I can’t take a joke and they mess with me even harder the next time.
Sometimes at work or in dealing with family, they tease me about my personality (being reserved) or my gut or something else stupid and I usually just laugh it off. Sometimes people (mostly non family) will make some kind of comment like “DeCastro just takes my crap. I know I can make fun of him and he won’t do anything” or “Why do you let people talk to you like that?” and then other people observe someone saying these things to me and then they start making fun of me too. I guess I can’t tell the difference between being made fun of and just jokes. I thought if someone jokes you just laugh or play along but instead I get looked at as being too quiet or weak and that is why I have been bullied at every job.
You just can’t win. If I say something back to the person, even in a calm way, they think I can’t take a joke and they mess with me even harder the next time.
Start decorating your office with newspaper articles with mass shootings at the workplace. Get a bumper sticker that says: Keep honking, I'm reloading. Start wearing amber sunglasses (the kind guys wear at the gun range), maybe add some laced up combat boots. I'd guess the jokes stop quick......
OP: next time some inconsiderate person makes a rude remark look them in the eye and ask, "Do you feel better now?", then just shake your head and walk away.
You would be turning it back onto them and letting them know their remark was ludicrous.
What's annoying is when people judge you outloud. Maybe those people in your life will one day realize that they wouldn't like it if people questioned their personality or something they do either. None of them are perfect. They just don't have the empathy to know what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes.
Edit: Forgot to add that if you stood up for yourself, then they would be offended and ask you why you can't take a joke. You're right. No matter what you do, you lose. In other words, the people in your life suck. If they were decent people, they wouldn't put you on the spot like that.
You know, you REALLY should just tell them that you don't find their jokes funny. If they have any kind of compassion at all, they'll stop.
If they don't stop, then report your co-workers who are doing this. There's such a thing as harassment.
Friends and family...let's assume they care about you, so you need to tell them that their comments are hurtful.
I have had to have that kind of conversation with family members before, and my BIL kind of had to tell me "to sweeten up." I thought I was being funny. HE didn't find it so funny. (I'll be working on that.)
And those who make a joke at your expense and then claim that they are "just kidding" really should be confronted.
I have always been told that what is in a person's heart will come out of their mouth. They are not kidding. They meant every word they said. I called someone to task once for doing this and he never bothered me again. In fact, he kept his distance which was a welcome relief from me.
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