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If I'm dating someone long enough for me to meet their parents, I'd be really offended if they suggested I call them by their last name. It's not the 19th century or feudal Europe. It's not a formal relationship nor would I be a random person you meet going about your business. If they don't immediately offer me to use their first name, I might call them by their last name for a period until they offer. If they don't, it might not be a good relationship. But if they start right off the bat suggesting I call them Ms. Last Name, nope. I'll be on my guard with them.
If I'm dating someone long enough for me to meet their parents, I'd be really offended if they suggested I call them by their last name. It's not the 19th century or feudal Europe. It's not a formal relationship nor would I be a random person you meet going about your business. If they don't immediately offer me to use their first name, I might call them by their last name for a period until they offer. If they don't, it might not be a good relationship. But if they start right off the bat suggesting I call them Ms. Last Name, nope. I'll be on my guard with them.
I agree 100%, how stiff are some of these people that they want to be addressed so formally? I am DON, that is my name, and I prefer to be addressed that way. Even when I go in for medical tests, and they say Mr. ***, I tell them to call me DON.
I agree 100%, how stiff are some of these people that they want to be addressed so formally? I am DON, that is my name, and I prefer to be addressed that way. Even when I go in for medical tests, and they say Mr. ***, I tell them to call me DON.
Some people are just so hung up on formalities !
Perhaps, it is related to how old you are (what generation). I remember our last neighborhood reunion, given by my siblings and me, on our late parents farm. I was in my middle 50s, and thus clearly an adult, and knew those neighbors my entire life. Did I call them Joyce, Clara and Mary like my parents used to call them? Heck, no. I called them Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Jones and Mrs. Johnson. And, that is what they wanted to be called There were perhaps 25 neighbors there and every single one, who were the older generation, were called Mr. Last Name or Mrs. Last Name. Now, the neighbors that were our same generation, perhaps we went to HS with them or played with then as children, were called by their first name.
I wonder, too, if some of the parents who want to be called by their last name by their children's friends are older. I have a friend who was my same age and had all of her children when she was quite young (18 to 20). He children were dating and even getting married when my children were a baby and a preschooler. What she wanted her children's BFs and GFs to call her when she was 36 to 38 (her first name) may have been different if she was in her late 50s or 60s at the time. Or maybe not.
Perhaps, it is related to how old you are (what generation). I remember our last neighborhood reunion, given by my siblings and me, on our late parents farm. I was in my middle 50s, and thus clearly an adult, and knew those neighbors my entire life. Did I call them Joyce, Clara and Mary like my parents used to call them? Heck, no. I called them Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Jones and Mrs. Johnson. And, that is what they wanted to be called There were perhaps 25 neighbors there and every single one, who were the older generation, were called Mr. Last Name or Mrs. Last Name. Now, the neighbors that were our same generation, perhaps we went to HS with them or played with then as children, were called by their first name.
I wonder, too, if some of the parents who want to be called by their last name by their children's friends are older. I have a friend who was my same age and had all of her children when she was quite young (18 to 20). He children were dating and even getting married when my children were a baby and a preschooler. What she wanted her children's BFs and GFs to call her when she was 36 to 38 may have been different if she was in her late 50s or 60s at the time. Or maybe not.
Sure, but being a one time neighbor is different from being a child's partner. Even knowing people their entire life is different from being a child's partner. There are going to be different dynamics in every relationship.
The OP claims to like the girlfriend. Early dating is pretty much interviewing the person and possibly their family to determine if one wants this to be a longer-term affair. It could be very off putting for a girlfriend or boyfriend to be told to call the person by their last night after initial introduction. It's not like the OP can really ask the gf if it bothers her because the last name requirement would have already placed them on more formal grounds where being a certain type of polite is more important than being honest.
Of course, I could be wrong and it doesn't bother the gf at all but it seems like an unnecessary and outdated request for the OP to make. It could be better to just let the gf choose and if she chooses last name, then correct her when you feel comfortable.
My southern in laws asked me to call them by their first names.
It's funny, I realize I've been in the family for almost 25 years and have never called my inlaws by their first names.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flamingo13
I vote for Mrs. whatever the initial of your last name is.
I do this with my best friend's mother who turns 90 tomorrow. She's been in my life since I was 18 and then I was too young to call her by her first name. She will always be Mrs. C to me.
If I'm dating someone long enough for me to meet their parents, I'd be really offended if they suggested I call them by their last name. It's not the 19th century or feudal Europe. It's not a formal relationship nor would I be a random person you meet going about your business. If they don't immediately offer me to use their first name, I might call them by their last name for a period until they offer. If they don't, it might not be a good relationship. But if they start right off the bat suggesting I call them Ms. Last Name, nope. I'll be on my guard with them.
While I would agree with this in general, I think that college students are a little bit different. Legal adults but it's a transitional time. From my recollection, my college roommates and friends didn't feel comfortable calling my parents by their first names, even though they introduced themselves that way. I think it's possible the girlfriend might be comfortable with using Mrs. Lastname.
But having been the one to suggest it originally, I also think that Mrs. LastnameInitial might be a good compromise to show a bit closer degree of familiarity.
I hear all of you... I was raised in EU, came here when I was very young... Can't help it that I have this background. Her calling me by my first name would seem odd, to be honest. She is very respectful and nice. This is not a power trip for me, I feel very close to her, and that is great. Mom sounds a lot better than first name or Mrs Last Name, because that's how I feel toward her, but I can't really suggest that, because she has her own Mom, and the kids are just dating, not married. Maybe Mrs. R is the best option for now... Until more time goes by...
Perhaps it would be easier to understand if you told us what you call her. Do you address her as Mary or as Miss Poppins? I would think that this is a fine example of a two way street.
If I'm dating someone long enough for me to meet their parents, I'd be really offended if they suggested I call them by their last name. It's not the 19th century or feudal Europe. It's not a formal relationship nor would I be a random person you meet going about your business. If they don't immediately offer me to use their first name, I might call them by their last name for a period until they offer. If they don't, it might not be a good relationship. But if they start right off the bat suggesting I call them Ms. Last Name, nope. I'll be on my guard with them.
There is more to a relationship than that.
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