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I haven't read all 8 pages but I'll tell you what I'm thinking. First, people often don't adjust to change well. Also, they aren't always comfortable around people they're not used to. Give them time for them to adjust and get to know how awesome she is. Keep the dialogue light and lively. Get her to interact with you as well as them during meals, visit, etc. Why not plan, prepare and serve a Cuban meal (yum). I know that sounds crazy but they might be impressed with her skills and her desire to please them. Let her win them over.
On the other hand, there may be another reason they're not comfortable. You two aren't doing the horizontal bop while they're home are you? Smoking a little weed out back? Does she dress like a cigarette girl?
Sometimes she has a cigarette if she’s stressed, I’ve asked her not to do it around me, which she respects, as far as how she dresses( had to google what a cigarette girl was), it’s usually just shorts and a sleeveless top.
Sometimes she has a cigarette if she’s stressed, I’ve asked her not to do it around me, which she respects, as far as how she dresses( had to google what a cigarette girl was), it’s usually just shorts and a sleeveless top.
Someone just commented that Cher dressed like a cigarette girl on stage. That's why I used that analogy.
here are some things a parent might worry about regarding the girlfriends their son brings home. I am a parent with 3 sons and yes over the years i have worried about these things. For the record all three of my sons have always brought home girlfriends of different race (African American, South American, Spanish, Indian (from India). Race has never been a problem for me. these things have been of great concern:
is she after him for his money
is she after him for immigration status
is she going to get pregnant so she can force him to marry her
is she going to move in with him because she doesn't want to live with her mom anymore
does she want him to pay her rent
does she want him to pay for her trips back east (or to South America, or to Florida)
he buys her a lot of gifts i've noticed. expensive ones. is he a pocketbook for her.
shes really bossy ive noticed. he's very mild mannered. will she take advantage of him.
she flirts with a lot of other fellows i've noticed, she's rather vain about her appearance, is the whole relationship all about her.
she's very needy. she's very high maintenance. she's narcissistic. will they end up in therapy?
i've heard her berate him and call him names. it makes me cry. i don't like seeing him being abused.
i've noticed she smokes. or drinks. a lot. will her addiction cause problems?
i worry about his well being. his safety. his happiness.
I, just the fact that this is really the first time I’ve ever dated a girl who wasn’t similar to me as a student is, I’m sure, a shock to my parents. I think that’s one of her best qualities and I again, I envy her for that.
That you think her lack of seriousness about her 'responsibility', which right now is schoolwork, is a great quality, is probably just why your parents are concerned that her attitude WILL rub off on you,
Give your parents time and don't challenge them, yet. If they are prejudiced, it will take a while to warm up to the fact that she is a nice girl and that you are dating her. Kuddos to your GF for sticking by your side in their presence, even though it must be very uncomfortable for her.
They may be keeping quiet and hoping that the relationship won't last. If it does last, then tough for them. She's YOUR choice of a partner, not theirs. If their dold attitude continues for months, THEN it is time to speak up and tell them to MYOB.
At least they haven't ordered her out of their house. That's an encouraging sign. Good luck!
The reason I tell them these things is because they asked in the past , and it was just easier for me to tell them right away than for me to sound oblivious and get pushed more and more by them and yes in hindsight it was a mistake to tell them all of that and trust them to handle it. We’ve always had that kind of relationship where they knew everything that was going on with me.
Good that you realize it's time to change this. I have a 23 year old daughter, I don't know a lot of what is going on in her life, and that is how it should be. After high school is when you start the process of becoming your own person, of separating from your parents. Details about who you're dating at the moment are not necessary. Be vague in your answers, change the subject if they get too intrusive.
You seem to be enjoying dating this young lady, she is showing you a different way to live life. That's part of what being in school is supposed to be about - learning different things. By telling your parents too many details, you're making everything too important, too fraught with meaning.
I joke with my daughter about having imaginary boyfriends, because of how private she is about things like that, but to be honest, I'm glad. When the time comes that she's decided to spend her life with someone, then we'll get closer to the guy. There's no need for us to ride the dating roller coaster with her, we did that in our early 20s.
That you think her lack of seriousness about her 'responsibility', which right now is schoolwork, is a great quality, is probably just why your parents are concerned that her attitude WILL rub off on you,
I think it’d be nice to be relaxed about school for once
It's not for you to order your parents to "shape up." They are not going to turn around on a dime on your say-so. And your girlfriend is right not to get into a confrontation over this.
The only thing you can do is keep introducing things into the conversation that might improve their opinion. For instance, if her family endured persecution in Cuba, that might be relevant. If her family expressed great appreciation and relief to be in America, that might be relevant.
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