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It's not your place to confront him. He's not answerable to you.
You're left with two possibilities as far as I can see:
1. Quietly look for another job. That's a good idea anyway, to get work experience away from home.
2. Stew in silence for a year, and hope that you don't get ulcers.
Next time, don't pry into other people's private lives. Sorry that you got into this depressing situation.
If I were you I'd see if I could get an appointment with your university counseling service which should be free. They won't tell you if you should confront him or tell your mom but they could help you deal with whatever fallout comes if you do speak up or even just with the stress of this decision.
I don't think I could keep it to myself but I think that's easy to say because I'm not in the situation. I am only sure that I'd agonize over the decision to the point where I couldn't decide and feel guilt no matter which choice I made which is why I'd look into counseling services for myself.
I agree with all those posters before who said look for another job. Your university probably has a career center with job hunting resources. That might be worth looking into as well. Your professors might have some contacts for you as well provided you've been a conscientious student. Even if you take no action to confront your dad or tell your mom you might not be productive working with your dad. If you can go to work and not think about all this and just do your job then maybe it won't be so bad but if you go and see him and start obsessing (understandably) about which choice reflects the right thing to, or worse- if you start to feel a lot of resentment and anger, the you will probably be happier somewhere else...possibly anywhere else!
You can be unhappy in a job where the boss is not the greatest, your coworkers are lousy and the work is boring but when jobs or the people there cause too much anguish it's never worth it in your twenties to stay. Feel trapped at fifty but not 25! Employers love having fresh young people who are eager to learn and take a low salary as long as they are efficient, and appear dedicated. If you can do that you can get a job elsewhere.
And finally, I'm sorry that you are in a catch-22 here. Just try to stay strong and not feel to guilty if you can.
I cannot believe you would threaten and risk your ability to continue attending college if you confront your father and he cuts you off financially in any way.
Do not say anything to your father. It's actually none of your business, even though you probably feel protective of and an allegiance toward your mother.
I found out some things I shouldn't have yesterday. So I've had my suspicions that my dad is having an affair, but yesterday I confirmed those suspicions after seeing months of texts back and forth between him and the secretary. I am the only one in my family that knows about this. I'm having trouble on what to do. My dad has a very bad temper so if I confronted him about it I'm not sure how things would go. I can't just go tell my mom because it would destroy her. My sister already hates my dad so I can't tell her and my brother sides with my dad on everything (because he's going to be the owner of the company one day).
I'm at a loss on what to do. When I read the messages yesterday, I felt so sick I threw up. Another problem is I am 21 years old. I am currently working for my dad. I am supposed to go back to college next year after taking a little more than a year off. The problem is that I know if I bring this situation to light. I will most likely be fired and I will not end up going back to college next year. (my dad would not be able to understand how I could betray his "trust" by snooping behind his back)
I can't keep all of this on my conscious. I sit in the office with the two of them all day Monday- Friday. I am at a loss on what to do and need someone's input on the situation.
Get out of there. Get another job. Stop working for your father.
Sit down and tell your mother. She needs to know - he could give her a disease. She also needs to decide whether she wants to position herself for a divorce - meaning see a lawyer and get hold of all the paperwork she needs, and find and secure for herself all the assets.
Life sucks. We don't get to choose our parents. But we DO get to choose what WE do in life. You don't have to work for your father. You don't have to go to college on his dime. There are other ways to get through school. Figure out how to be self-sufficient in life, and make better choices for yourself than your parents have made for themselves.
Get out of there. Get another job. Stop working for your father.
Sit down and tell your mother. She needs to know - he could give her a disease. She also needs to decide whether she wants to position herself for a divorce - meaning see a lawyer and get hold of all the paperwork she needs, and find and secure for herself all the assets.
Life sucks. We don't get to choose our parents. But we DO get to choose what WE do in life. You don't have to work for your father. You don't have to go to college on his dime. There are other ways to get through school. Figure out how to be self-sufficient in life, and make better choices for yourself than your parents have made for themselves.
awful advice! could have very unfortunate consequences.
I don't think there needs to be blame laid at the OP's door on this. Who among us would not have continued to look at the accidentally found posts. But she does say that she had suspected this. So---
You need to decide how to take care of yourself in this. You are vulnerable. As you say, your dad has a nasty temper, so, as others have recommended, I think you need to find yourself another job. If your dad is financing your college ed, then you will have to be aware that he could angrily withdraw support. But first things first, you don't want to work for him any more, and I can certainly see why. If you continue to work for him, you are bound to say something that gives away your knowledge.
I think you should talk to your father, as hard as it seems to do. I suggest that you simply tell him in the privacy of his office that you found some shocking text messages on the computer he gave you. His initial reaction will probably be anger, but he should not blame you for snooping, and he would have to know what you saw. If you go this route, make sure to do it at the end of the day, and don't accuse him of being what he is. Simply tell him what you accidentally found. And of course, expect him to be angry, since he does anger easily.
It might be that your dad will ultimately decide to tell your mom, and to file for divorce or separation. But you will not have been the one to tell her. And you do not need to confide all the details from your discovery, although I think you would be free to tell her that you discovered the emails, after he talks to your mom. It might be that your parents decide to work things out. I simply don't know, and you don't either. But you cannot totally spare your mom. That cat is out of the bag.
If your dad wants you to keep his secret, then I think you need to know what your response is to that. Decide on that beforehand. As the bearer of very bad tidings, you could easily wound your mother, and alienate your dad. If you do not tell her, and she finds out later, which she probably will do, then she could well be angry at you for keeping the secret. I personally would try to get my dad to do the telling, which he should do as a decent person.
If you decide to have this conversation with your dad before finding another job, then be prepared to lose it. If your dad's first impulse in a bad situation is to become horribly angry, then anything might happen. If you feel that he might be physically abusive, then hold your phone in your hand and be able to dial 911. Or, perhaps leave the office door open if others are still in the office.
I really don't think there any great choices for you. I hope you do keep us posted. I am concerned about you.
I’ve had second thoughts about this advice. You are so young I fear for you confronting your dad.
Others say to safeguard yourself and your future above all else. But how will you feel about yourself later? Proud of your actions, or ashamed?
Be sure to give this a lot of thought before doing anything. Before you take any action, count the cost. Keep yourself safe.
My gut feeling is that your mom suspects something now, or will soon discover the affair. I don’t know how your family can avoid crisis. But whatever happens, please know that you are not the cause.
As long as he isn't asking you to be involved, like asking for you to cover up for him and such, keep out of it.
It's not very often that a wife doesn't know, at least on some level, if a husband has a long term affair and has decided, for whatever reason, to keep her head in the sand.
Neither party will be happy if you bring it out into the open.
Stay focused on the work part of your relationship with your father and keep your eyes on the goal of an education.
Isn't adultery still illegal? Seems like half the posters are earnestly defending the cheating dad and calling for silence. I think there's room for the OP to expose his dad without getting caught. Any number of people could have seen them together. I'd do it publicly, not directly to mom. Embarrass the scumbag and bask in the glow. Keep working toward independence and get out of that situation.
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