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I found out some things I shouldn't have yesterday. So I've had my suspicions that my dad is having an affair, but yesterday I confirmed those suspicions after seeing months of texts back and forth between him and the secretary. I am the only one in my family that knows about this. I'm having trouble on what to do. My dad has a very bad temper so if I confronted him about it I'm not sure how things would go. I can't just go tell my mom because it would destroy her. My sister already hates my dad so I can't tell her and my brother sides with my dad on everything (because he's going to be the owner of the company one day).
I'm at a loss on what to do. When I read the messages yesterday, I felt so sick I threw up. Another problem is I am 21 years old. I am currently working for my dad. I am supposed to go back to college next year after taking a little more than a year off. The problem is that I know if I bring this situation to light. I will most likely be fired and I will not end up going back to college next year. (my dad would not be able to understand how I could betray his "trust" by snooping behind his back)
I can't keep all of this on my conscious. I sit in the office with the two of them all day Monday- Friday. I am at a loss on what to do and need someone's input on the situation.
Personally, I would do everything I could to make my plans work out for myself, get out of the environment as soon as it's feasible and possible, and don't look back. I tend to sort of "ghost" problem family members. You don't need to be in the middle of their drama. Some say blood is thicker than water, but frankly, I think that chosen family, people you find who really align with your values, are worth more than those you were born to if they aren't healthy for you to deal with.
Your respect for him has been wrecked. Doing anything further, will just cause problems for you. This situation is probably not going to end well for him, but it's not your problem. I don't believe in going around trying to play hero and stand up for truth and right all of other people's wrongs, at my own expense.
Confide in close friends who have no social contact with your family, or a therapist who won't bear tales, if you must speak to someone and get it off your chest. Then maybe, once you've gotten away from the family business and found solid footing and aren't relying on your Dad for anything (I hope) then if you really feel you must, you can tell your Mom the truth so you don't feel you're protecting his secret anymore. But I believe you should look out for your needs and wellbeing FIRST. If you don't, who will?
I found out some things I shouldn't have yesterday. So I've had my suspicions that my dad is having an affair, but yesterday I confirmed those suspicions after seeing months of texts back and forth between him and the secretary. I am the only one in my family that knows about this. I'm having trouble on what to do. My dad has a very bad temper so if I confronted him about it I'm not sure how things would go. I can't just go tell my mom because it would destroy her. My sister already hates my dad so I can't tell her and my brother sides with my dad on everything (because he's going to be the owner of the company one day).
I'm at a loss on what to do. When I read the messages yesterday, I felt so sick I threw up. Another problem is I am 21 years old. I am currently working for my dad. I am supposed to go back to college next year after taking a little more than a year off. The problem is that I know if I bring this situation to light. I will most likely be fired and I will not end up going back to college next year. (my dad would not be able to understand how I could betray his "trust" by snooping behind his back)
I can't keep all of this on my conscious. I sit in the office with the two of them all day Monday- Friday. I am at a loss on what to do and need someone's input on the situation.
You need to quickly start looking for another job, resign from this one.You need to tell your mom because she has a right to know since she IS married to this guy.Let her decide on what she wants to do.It seems like your father is holding all of you hostage ....like he has the upper hand in things.He sounds like a mean thoughtless jerk so why would you want to be under his thumb??It seems like ALL of you are...it's time to get from under it and live a stress free life.You will find another way to go back to school.Do the right thing.
You should focus on what YOU can control, which is your employment. I would find a new job immediately, if for no other reason than to guard your mental health from being around them all day.
It sounds like you have a very enmeshed family dynamic, and you need to begin extracting yourself from it. I would not tell anyone else what you know YET. If your dad asks why you want to leave, you will need to be able to look him in the eye tell him you found another opportunity.
Oh and don't be surprised if this thread gets moved to "Non-Romantic Relationships" subforum since you are more trying to work out navigating problematic issues with family members, than with a partner yourself. Just a head's up, that could happen. Kind of a grey area here.
This is the problem between your mom and dad, so don't take it on yourself. Like someone mention earlier, do what you need to do for yourself because no one is going to look after you when both your mom and dad are no longer around to look after you.
As much as you feel disgusted with what you discover, move on, that's just part of life. You can't live a life by taking others problem as if is your own problem. I understand that he is your dad, so is not like he is a stranger, but have you really thought about what did our parents really mean to us? You were born because your parents decided to get together and have you, but they never consider if you ever want to come to this world (this could be another subject, and I'm pretty sure you are grateful for what you have in life). My point is, why take matters into your own hand when it is totally out of your control?
Let's explore some of your option. Ok, you confront your dad, assume the best case, he acknowledge his mistake with you and apologize and say he will end the relationship with the secretary, but can you be sure that he will not be more sophisticated this time that he will make sure you never get to see these text message again?
Bottom line, if your dad is determined to do what he wants to do, no matter what you say or what you do will not change his mind. It will only enhance his way of hiding secrets from you or your other family member.
I know you probably think this is wrong, but we are just human, and trust me, down the road you will find yourself with mistakes that you never thought it could have happen to you. Afterall, we are just human, we got plenty of flaws in us. There are so many things that are simply wrong in this world, but we are only human, and we can only do so much.
Since you saw what happen with your dad, always remind yourself not to be like your dad or the secretary who engage in affair. Remind yourself not to become one. If everyone stick to this plan, not to become the bad one or the disgusting one that we saw, eventually we will have enough good people to survive and flourish the planet Earth with decent people.
There are going to be many who don't agree with my advice, but i say DO NOTHING with this info. I am guessing you snooped dads phone to see all these months of texts. Had you not done that, you would be non the wiser and all this would play out however it did.
You will be the bad guy if you bring this info to light no matter how you go about it. It's not right dad is messing around, but there is more at stake here apparently than a marriage. Consider the worst case scenario. They split, get a divorce and company is sold off or shut down as part of the divorce settlement. Now, you and your siblings and all the other employees are out of a job, and there is no company for your brother to take over. Everyone then needs a job and as you point out, probably no more college for you.
Now, you would think that all the blame would go on your dad for having the affair. But, what happens if everybody blames you for opening your mouth and snooping his phone? Not a position I would want to be in. The cause of a divorce and the loss of a company because I snooped my old man's phone and found out he was doing the secretary.
I would keep my mouth shut and do whatever it took to get over it and just let it play itself out. Hard to do I know, but that is the way to go on this one. I would not mention anything to anyone and would not want to be the one to fire the first shot.
No I did not snoop his phone. Yesterday he gave me his old MacBook Pro that he doesn't use anymore. I guess he didn't know it was still getting text messages on it so after I charged it back up (it had been dead for a few months) it started blowing up with text messages he had gotten in the past. Most of which were from the secretary. It made it very clear what they were doing. I guess you could call it snooping if you wanted to cause after I saw a few come up that were very suspicious I read them. It was obvious what has gone on and is still going on.
No I did not snoop his phone. Yesterday he gave me his old MacBook Pro that he doesn't use anymore. I guess he didn't know it was still getting text messages on it so after I charged it back up (it had been dead for a few months) it started blowing up with text messages he had gotten in the past. Most of which were from the secretary. It made it very clear what they were doing. I guess you could call it snooping if you wanted to cause after I saw a few come up that were very suspicious I read them. It was obvious what has gone on and is still going on.
It really sucks.
At some point we learn that our parents are human. That's where you are now.
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