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Old 03-23-2008, 03:17 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,307,929 times
Reputation: 6957

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wow. i never had a friend do that. my toxic friends were just interpersonally manipulative and sabatoging....

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrshvo View Post
At one point, someone I had been friends with since freshman year of high school, had a very wild period. I had my wild periods too...but then had a child, had a fiance, bought a house and started calming down. She still was going through them and at times it involved my family (late phone calls, coming over to crash in the middle of the night...). So what I did was write a long letter to end the friendship, explaining why, and that if things got straightened out, to please call me. This way it didn't develop into a bickering match, or result in hanging up. Just an idea.
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Old 03-23-2008, 05:59 PM
 
13,092 posts, read 13,637,449 times
Reputation: 9155
Have no contact with them.
Set some boundaries.
Don't interact with them.
If they think you're rude, so what?
The goal is to not have to deal with them it sounds like
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Old 03-23-2008, 06:18 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,732 posts, read 31,716,561 times
Reputation: 6773
Quote:
Originally Posted by DimSumRaja View Post
Have no contact with them.
Set some boundaries.
Don't interact with them.
If they think you're rude, so what?
The goal is to not have to deal with them it sounds like
If they think your rude and maybe a little crazy, that can only work in your favor. Some people cruise through life LOOKING for someone they can bully and beat up emotionally, don't let someone do that to you. Everyday is something you can enjoy, slam the door on this person NOW.
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Old 03-23-2008, 06:26 PM
 
Location: Branson, Missouri
7,282 posts, read 17,211,269 times
Reputation: 3753
Quote:
Originally Posted by SeabeeBolt View Post
I was once told by my DW that you should kill them with kindness . 1) Always be cheerful to them and around them, 2) show some concern for their well-being, but not to much, 3) if they start to put you down, then just politely excuse your self. And the third step should be used everytime they attempt to be contemptible toward you, this is just showing them that your not going to invite poison into your life.
Please, nothing against others that have posted on this thread, but people that need to be on a cell phone whether for pretend or not, are just plain rude no matter how you look at it. And obviously this other person that they are referring to thrives on being rude. So why step into their world, when you could invite them into your better world?
"Kill Them With Kindness"
Toxic people don't understand kindness. It gives them more of a chance to take advantage of you.
Sometimes in life, no matter how hard it is, sometimes it's better off being a little rude or mean to get the message across. We're talking toxic people here. They don't want to be invited into a better world. They enjoy sucking the life out of people.
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Old 03-23-2008, 06:44 PM
 
730 posts, read 2,012,629 times
Reputation: 726
Quote:
Originally Posted by MotleyCrew View Post
How does one get rid of toxic people in their life? Moved to a retirement spot and met a person that is absolutely overwhelming me. I can do nothing right and by the end of our conversation or visit, I feel suicidal (almost). Is critical of every inch of our lives and our business. Well, at best I feel like gum on the bottom the shoe.
Your post is a little vague as to why it is you are around this person. I work with someone like this-thus making the "have nothing to do with this toxic person" advice a little harder to follow.

Although I enjoy my job and every single one of my co-workers besides this person-It is her I work side by side with.It makes going to work everyday like an 8 hour root canal. To make it worse-although she is NOT in a supervisor position my boss is scared of her and will not get on to her for barking orders at everyone.

Here are a few things I would suggest that have helped lately-incase you HAVE no choice but to spend time with this person....................

Talk to the person only if it is absolutely required. I only answer job related questions with short simple answers. At first this felt like playing the "quiet game" but it gives no fuel for the rumor mill or he/said she said games, gives the person little or no time to interject with opinions if all they will get is a brief answer with no discussion,and to be honest she gets so bored in our silent work area that she leaves and goes elsewhere.Where? I don't care if she is out shopping on the clock-at least shes not nagging me!BORING=PERSON FINDING SOMEONE ELSE TO TALK TO.

I go to my supervisor and other workers and ask them if they have any projects for me to work on. On top of my usual stuff it keeps me busy all day. So when my negative nancy partner asks me to work on something-I am too busy. If I do not share projects with her she has no chance to interact with me or pick apart my work.FIND DISTRACTIONS.

A couple of other people have asked me why I am mad at her (you may get this too) I just say "I'm not mad, just trying to stay busy. Here to do my job well and go home. This is much better than bringing down the morale by sharing my dislike for her with other staff members.CONTINUE TO VENT HERE, NOT TO OTHER PEOPLE IN THIS PERSONS CIRCLE OF FRIENDS-CAUSES MORE DRAMA.
Best Wishes-this can be awful!
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Old 03-23-2008, 07:24 PM
 
12 posts, read 20,670 times
Reputation: 18
Leave.
Ignore.
Avoid.

Simple as that.
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Old 03-24-2008, 05:52 AM
 
Location: NJ
10,596 posts, read 21,256,134 times
Reputation: 8629
Quote:
Originally Posted by MotleyCrew View Post
How does one get rid of toxic people in their life? Moved to a retirement spot and met a person that is absolutely overwhelming me. I can do nothing right and by the end of our conversation or visit, I feel suicidal (almost). Is critical of every inch of our lives and our business. Well, at best I feel like gum on the bottom the shoe.
If you can write more it may be easier to give advice. There are all sorts of toxic people. The ones I can't stand are the ones that have their own version of things even when 10 people are in the room seeing the same thing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrshvo View Post
At one point, someone I had been friends with since freshman year of high school, had a very wild period. I had my wild periods too...but then had a child, had a fiance, bought a house and started calming down. She still was going through them and at times it involved my family (late phone calls, coming over to crash in the middle of the night...). So what I did was write a long letter to end the friendship, explaining why, and that if things got straightened out, to please call me. This way it didn't develop into a bickering match, or result in hanging up. Just an idea.
Been there. When you are young and don't have a family, the late night phone calls aren't so bad but once you have a child & need your sleep, or have phones that you can't turn the ringers off, it can wake the whole house. We got into the habit of telling people that we don't answer the phone after 7:30 pm because we are doing baths, watching TV, and go to bed early.

I wouldn't bother writing a letter depending on the person as it just might feed them. If the person emails, it's easy to ignore the email for a week, then asnwer quickly with I'm so busy, sorry, don't have time.
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Old 03-24-2008, 07:39 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,582,918 times
Reputation: 45995
Quote:
Originally Posted by MotleyCrew View Post
How does one get rid of toxic people in their life? Moved to a retirement spot and met a person that is absolutely overwhelming me. I can do nothing right and by the end of our conversation or visit, I feel suicidal (almost). Is critical of every inch of our lives and our business. Well, at best I feel like gum on the bottom the shoe.
Well, here's what you do. Step one is to grow a backbone.

When that person starts to criticize you, simply say, "I'm sorry. But that's really not your business." Then change the subject.

If that person continues to criticize you, then say, "Okay. I've politely asked you to stop. Quite frankly, you do not realize how offensive your gratuitous criticism has become." And leave.

Don't return phone calls. And ignore that person until he/she renders a full apology. Once an apology is given, then you have the heart-to-heart, and simply discuss that person's toxic personality and the effect it has on others.
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Old 03-24-2008, 07:55 AM
 
Location: Ostend,Belgium....
8,823 posts, read 6,346,018 times
Reputation: 4885
Better to ignore them; why should you be straightening out toxic people?
They won't listen to anything you tell them, it's always someone elses fault.
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Old 03-24-2008, 08:51 AM
 
582 posts, read 1,824,613 times
Reputation: 262
how does one avoid these people if they are family members?i've got a few in my life and i try to stay away but when they are family it seems to be more difficult.
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