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Old 02-22-2018, 04:20 PM
 
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I know the answer so I guess I'm just venting. There is only so much a person can absorb, especially if it's on a loop. More especially if the situation affects me too and I might like to say something about my feelings, or focus in on one part to try and solve part if there is something solvable.

Seems like the only thing to do is take a break from the person - they can't change their personality. It just feels very self-centered sometimes. Like only their emotions matter and must be expressed over and over.

In every other way this person is a good friend. There is no point in saying, 'I can't absorb all your feelings - I have my own I am processing, and would like to talk too!'

I can talk to other people, but they weren't there and would have to listen to a lot of background for any of it to have any meaning.

I guess I am also asking if anyone has a technique other than taking a break.
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Old 02-22-2018, 05:29 PM
 
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It sounds like you've never tried anything at all, though.

You didn't really provide enough information for a good answer. For instance, you don't make it clear whether the person has a particular monomania, or rants generally. You don't make it clear if his rants are sensible or wacky. You don't make it clear if he rants about problems that are solvable, or not.
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Old 02-22-2018, 05:48 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
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Yeah, sorry OP, but this post is too vague for us to adequately help.
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Old 02-22-2018, 07:54 PM
 
Location: British Columbia ☀️ ♥ 🍁 ♥ ☀️
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jencam View Post


I know the answer so I guess I'm just venting. There is only so much a person can absorb, especially if it's on a loop. ......

I guess I am also asking if anyone has a technique other than taking a break.

Well, not enough information but I think I get the gist of it when you mention a ranter on a loop. So exhausting!

No, the only thing I can think of is to step back and take a break from that person and not get in touch for awhile. Or at the very least make a point of keeping your interactions really short and less frequent. If that person contacts you wanting to know why they haven't been hearing much from you just tell them that you have some personal issues of your own to deal with alone and you're taking a mental health break from other people and their personal problems right now, and that includes taking a break from really close friends.

It's kind of hard to make suggestions not knowing what the whole situation is.

.
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Old 02-22-2018, 08:22 PM
 
Location: Willamette Valley, Oregon
4,030 posts, read 1,128,934 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jencam View Post

In every other way this person is a good friend. There is no point in saying, 'I can't absorb all your feelings - I have my own I am processing, and would like to talk too!'

I guess I am also asking if anyone has a technique other than taking a break.
I think there has to be a way to say:

"I need to talk, you need to listen!" If you hurt his feelings, that may be a good thing. If that doesn't work, walk away. Wish I could help more. Good luck!
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Old 02-22-2018, 10:30 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
22,010 posts, read 14,458,578 times
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At a time when the person is not upset, tell him his ranting is damaging your friendship. Ask him to exert some self control.

He loses composure and self control, and he probably does not understand how his rants affect those who have to listen to them.
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Old 02-23-2018, 07:54 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
10,617 posts, read 13,177,667 times
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No , there's usually no stopping them. Some people like to complain and lash out at everything, from the slow commute to work, to politics, to why they cannot get a cheeseburger before 11 AM. It can be very tiring.
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Old 02-23-2018, 08:17 AM
 
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Sounds like both of you went through something fairly traumatic? Is this a pattern that your friend ALWAYS falls into, OR, did something happen to you both, and YOU would like a turn in talking about it and processing?


I have a...policy, if you will, regarding friends and friendships. And I'm talking people I consider true friends, not merely acquaintances. Friendships are worth fighting for. If I were in your situation, I would tell this friend that whatever happened, it happened to YOU too, and you can't take just being the sounding board all the time. YOU need to be heard as well, and YOU need to process as well. Ask your friend if she can be a listener, and if she can't, THEN tell her you need a break, and you won't be the sounding board (on at least this topic) anymore.
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Old 02-23-2018, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Seattle
1,807 posts, read 1,034,100 times
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Best way to stop a ranter is simply tell them to stop ranting! Hold out your hand in the universal "stop" sign and say "you covered that, got it!".

I was actually pulled over for speeding once, no denial about it, and the officer was ranting like I was debating every point. I finally told him, "Officer! I'm not arguing with you" and took the ticket.
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Old 02-23-2018, 02:30 PM
 
13,410 posts, read 6,738,063 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoisite View Post
Well, not enough information but I think I get the gist of it when you mention a ranter on a loop. So exhausting!

No, the only thing I can think of is to step back and take a break from that person and not get in touch for awhile. Or at the very least make a point of keeping your interactions really short and less frequent. If that person contacts you wanting to know why they haven't been hearing much from you just tell them that you have some personal issues of your own to deal with alone and you're taking a mental health break from other people and their personal problems right now, and that includes taking a break from really close friends.

It's kind of hard to make suggestions not knowing what the whole situation is.

.
I don't care when she rants about personal things. That is what friends are for. It's mainly 1) when we are working on a project and I want to actually discuss something/make a decision. She wants to rant. I think, ok, let her rant and then we can get logical. Nope.

Doing a version of what you see suggested below has her taking a break from me, lol! She doesn't really WANT input, I don't think. I think she's already always had her mind made up, and that is why there is no discussion before or after the rant.

I am meant to be a sounding board.
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