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Also, some people are just very social, and have a large social network and some people have a small network.
A couple of my good friends in college are very, very social people and have huge social networks (college was a long time ago for me). I haven't seen them for many years.
I still think of the times we had together somewhat often, but I doubt they do. Just kind of the way it is.
Earlier, I had dinner with some friends I've been trying to get together for weeks. (Everyone's been sick, so it's been tough to find a good night.) We all agreed via email three days earlier about the where and when. Unfortunately, one person had to cancel last minute, but four of us met and had a nice time, but one thing caught my attention and rubbed me the wrong way.
At one point, one guy (who was there with his girlfriend) mentioned the absent friend who had texted everyone her regrets earlier. He claimed, very casually, that until that moment, "we totally forgot about this." Apparently, if not for that text they'd have gone to the girlfriend's house to eat with a house guest.
What the heck? How do you make plans for three days later and totally forget about it? And why on earth would you casually admit this to your friends? I'd be ashamed of myself.
I know some will suggest that these people "aren't really my friends," but we always have an enjoyable time when we meet and they always seem interested in my life and very grateful for my invites, so I don't think that's it. I just don't get people sometimes.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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What an interesting thread.
I don't forget appointments, and I have a lot of them - usually 2 or more a day. Last time I missed one was three years ago, because it was cancelled and then at the last minute rescheduled and I missed that email.
When someone says, I'll send you a reminder email closer to the event I say you don't need to, it's on my calendar.
And yes, I think it's rude of the friend to say if we didn't get that text reminder we would have not remembered you. This event is not on our minds at all. If that DID happen, that you almost missed the gathering because you are so forgetful, don't mention it.
The soul of etiquette is to make everyone else feel valued and cared for. Why say I actually forgot all about this until someone tapped on my skull about it.
When what you're SUPPOSED to say to beloved friends is "I've been looking so forward to this all week".
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by don1945
Have you never forgotten anything in your life ?
Everyone has forgotten things. Socially graceful people, when they are rescued from forgetting a social engagement, don't say hey I forgot all about this and just by the luck of the draw someone brought it to my attention, because frankly it's really not that important to me.
Everyone forgets things. Close your mouth if you almost do forget, but thankfully are reminded.
Yes I'm sure their phone was always within arms reach as well yet they almost forgot.Like I also stated I thought that phones have some sort of an alarm you can input to remind you of appts or such.
Also I would think that people would tend to remember easier fun activities with friends to do versus other sorts of appts but everyone is different.
I wasn’t referring specifically to the couple. Just why paper calendars aren’t practical for me.
People tend to fall into one of the following 4 categories:
- There are people who can remember all their commitments but are not organized.
- There are people who can remember all their commitments and are also organized. (these people are rare)
- There are people who struggle to remember all their commitments but they're organized.
- There are people who struggle to remember their commitments and are also not organized. (maybe a majority)
- There's a certain level of proactiveness that it takes to herd the cats, so to speak. I'm part of a group that meets for lunch once a month and the hostess sets up the lunches digitally through email with a calendar invite. Then the hostess sends out a reminder to RSVP about a week or 2 later, and she sends a reminder email the day before the lunch, again with a reminder to update the RSVP to get an accurate count for the restaurant. This works wonderfully, I've noticed.
- I happen to fall into the organized but don't always remember my plans, so I not only have to get the plan on my digital calendar but I also immediately set up 2 notification reminders: 1 the day before to remind myself and get it into my consciousness, and another anywhere from 90 min to 3 hrs before the event so I have time to get ready and look presentable or to at least jog my memory if I've gotten distracted and spaced it out. Doing that has saved me more than once where I would have otherwise forgotten. But a lot of people don't think ahead, aren't planners, and don't have routines in place to make sure they aren't just relying on their memory.
- Because I try to use my brain for creativity and problem-solving, I tend not to store a lot of administrative data in my brain, taking up space and energy better used by creative or problem-solving endeavors. So, I write things down. Appointments and Events go in the digital calendar which is synced across all devices and computers, and To-Do items go in a digital to-do list, which is also synced. Both appear side by side on my computer, and are in my phone, with alarms set as needed. You have to be a little anal-retentive and committed to making sure you get what you need in your calendar and get alarms setup, but it's worth it!
Last edited by lottamoxie; 02-26-2018 at 08:36 PM..
Ridiculous. What kind of TRUE friend gets annoyed by something so absolutely trivial as this?
You wish they would have said nothing at all. Hmmm. Your TRUE friend felt comfortable enough around you to admit the TRUTH... and you're annoyed.
Get over it.
This strikes me as a bit harsh. The way I see it, good friends look forward to their time together, not forget all about it and make other plans within a few days. If I'd been the one who forgot our plans, I'd have kept it to myself because I'd be embarrassed and expect them to maybe be upset by it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
Why go looking for things to get pissy about? Didn't affect you one way or the other.
I don't "go looking" for such things. They just happen every so often, and I seek others' opinions about them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba
I doubt they BOTH forgot. Sometimes people just say things to sound aloof.
If one of them remembered, why didn't he/she tell the other? They were together all day.
The fact is, this had no effect whatsoever on the friendship. It's just me trying to make sense of how other people's minds work.
I don't understand this. Don't people have calendars that they use to note down engagements, doc appointments, and other events? Or maybe they only keep their calendars online, so there's not a steady visual presence within their field of vision or on a desk? Or they don't check their online calendar daily?
WTH?!
I have all kinds of stuff. Doesn't mean I won't forget. I buy a planner every year and I constantly start and stop using it.
Actually, I cannot recall forgetting an appointment. It's possible that I have but I don't think I have.
But I have a problem with stuff and losing it. No matter how hard I try, no matter how many things have a place, I will inevitably misplace it.
I took me three tries to leave my house the other day without forgetting something. And the last time, I forgot my phone (which I needed later in the day, otherwise I will just go without it) and I had already walked a block and half. And it doesn't matter if I replay the "keys, wallet, cell phone" in my head like I do almost everyday---somehow, I will screw it up.
I would love to not be scatterbrained. I would love to know how it feels to not feel like you're in a fog. And you know, working multiple jobs with all kinds of hours doesn't help either but whatever.
Earlier, I had dinner with some friends I've been trying to get together for weeks. (Everyone's been sick, so it's been tough to find a good night.) We all agreed via email three days earlier about the where and when. Unfortunately, one person had to cancel last minute, but four of us met and had a nice time, but one thing caught my attention and rubbed me the wrong way.
At one point, one guy (who was there with his girlfriend) mentioned the absent friend who had texted everyone her regrets earlier. He claimed, very casually, that until that moment, "we totally forgot about this." Apparently, if not for that text they'd have gone to the girlfriend's house to eat with a house guest.
What the heck? How do you make plans for three days later and totally forget about it? And why on earth would you casually admit this to your friends? I'd be ashamed of myself.
I know some will suggest that these people "aren't really my friends," but we always have an enjoyable time when we meet and they always seem interested in my life and very grateful for my invites, so I don't think that's it. I just don't get people sometimes.
Usually, if something bothers me enough, I will say something in a joking way. "Make sure you put me on your calendar with an hourly alert next time."
But then I wouldn't say something like that because I am not that needy. For every friend who forgets about me, I am making new connections with new people or forming stronger bonds with people I know.
What the heck? How do you make plans for three days later and totally forget about it?
Some people lead busier lives than other people do. It can be a struggle to remember everything that you planned to do. I think my wife and I are pretty good, but with a 4 year old and a full time job, sometimes things slip through the cracks for us, especially after said kid wakes us up in the middle of the night and we don't get much sleep.
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And it doesn't matter if I replay the "keys, wallet, cell phone" in my head like I do almost everyday---somehow, I will screw it up.
