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I guess I am looking for advice here. This started with a Facebook friend request from a former co-worker. I didn't know her all that well but accepted. She messaged me and told me how she secretly crushed on me, thought I was handome etc. All very flattering. She said she had a boyfriend. I had no interest in trying to steal her away. She insisted we should have lunch and we can be friends. The first lunch wad enjoyable, she was looking as pretty as can be and flattered my ego the entire time. Every week she would ask me to take her to lunch. Through the months I got to know her better and learned some disturbing things about her.
She would start talking about how terrible her life is, how depressed she is etc. She had been prescribed depression medication but won't take it because it makes her sleepy. She became a real downer...continuously talking about how miserable she was and how out of control her life is.
A few weeks/months latter she would confess what an angry person she is. She is filled with rage and has punched holes in the wall. For a few weeks we didn't meet for lunch when she went to jail for beating up her boyfriends mother and sending her to the hospital. She got out and shortly after threatened to stab her boyfriend...the police got involved and she was sentenced to anger management. She said it didn't help and she felt angry the whole time.
As the months went by all the flattery and ego stroking was gone and she wouldn't even look nice when we went to lunch. She dressed frumpy and looked almost as scary on the outside as she is on the inside. I wasn't getting any enjoyment out of our meetings. They became more like counaeling sessions. I always told her to get some professional help but she refused. I never thought of her during the week but she would always remember to ask me to take her to lunch and I was too nice (and foolish) to say no.
When she gave me stories of how mean she is to her boyfriend and how she rages at him I told her if she ever acted that way towards me I wouldn't want to see her again. She insisted I wouldn't see that side of her. Well now I am starting to!
I noticed a gradual shift over the months of her getting angry at things I say, becoming more argumentative. Sometimes she seems disgusted with me.
Yesterday I received a very disturbing message from her boyfriend. He said he heard I was mistreating his girlfriend (which I never did) and then he started insulting the hell out of me "listen baldy I never liked you from the moment we met, I don't like you, don't respect you and I question your manhood". He kept going on and on. It was the most mean spirited message I ever received in my life. I told this woman about it, showed it to her and she agreed it was out of line. It was really surprising to me that he had this much anger towards me because I only briefly met him once but he seemed like such a meek and gentle man. I couldn't believe he had it him to be this explosively angry with someone he doesn't know at all.
It took me several hours to figure out what most of you reading this already know. This message never came from the boyfriend...it was this woman using his account to start raging at me. Sbe said everything she wanted to for weeks on end.. I am not 100% but am quite sure of this.
It gets worse all the sudden get more FB friend requests...this woman is their mutual friend. My impression is everything is fake including the name and picture. Their story is they are new to FB and trying to find friends. Why would these beautiful young women just get on FB for the first time in 2018? and why wouldn't they know enough people on their own to have to start following strangers right off the bat? Soon these new "friends" of mine start messaging me with combative, argumentative tones. It is obviously this woman creating all these fantasy accounts and pretending she is them just to start being mean to me. This is feeling like a scary movie but this is happening for real.
Everyone I talked to about her said to no longer respond to her. Just completely ignore her. I guess I will but am scared to do so. If I stop talking to her I fear she might try to retaliate against me in some way....possibly violently. Am I better off just trying to appease her to avoid conflict? In my heart I very much do want to completely break this off. I would contact the police but I don't feel I have enough direct threats to waste their time. The closest I got today was her texting me "You get nasty with me you know I don't deal with people talking s*** about me". The thing is I don't get nasty with anyone, its not my personality type". I rarely or never talked about her to anyone but I suppose I am now. What should I do?
You should have bailed at the first sign of unpleasantness. Your ego has gotten you into this situation. Why oh why did you let this continue? Because she thought you are handsome? Send her one last text--that your relationship has become untenable and you're not able to continue. Then block her everywhere you can. Document any suspicious activity and ffs, use your brain next time.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,487 posts, read 3,338,219 times
Reputation: 9913
Seriously? You have the control if you decide to take it back.
Block her, ignore her, change everything that she contacts you with. Block her phone number, block her email. If someone says she is a friend of hers, block them too.
You DO have control, use it.
Thank God you don't still work with her!
If you are hesitating because you're afraid of hurting her feelings, STOP. She is a nut job and it really won't phase her.
Block her and you'll probably need to change your own phone number.
Don't take any of this personal, you have been manipulated. She obviously has a personality disorder and you are her latest victim. She'll move on to someone else for her "fix", just hope you don't get caught in any fallout.
Be thankful you can see it now, finally.
Do not reply or respond. Do not go to places you've met her before. Lock your doors. Park your car in a different place. Be very aware over the next few days. You know she can be very violent.
I am definitely in agreement with all those who’ve said you should “Block her”.
Also, I am curious why, in the midst of this turmoil, you are accepting new FB friends (who are strangers)? You seem like a genuine enough person, but your compassion may be getting the best of you.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,487 posts, read 3,338,219 times
Reputation: 9913
I don't accept requests that are 'friends' of a friend. You never know who is actually behind the keyboard. I only accept when I know the person fairly well.
If they turn out to be... then unfriend is just a click.
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