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No doubt he'd love a father figure. Would never say such but it's no question he'd want a family unit intact. Not another brother type person, or friend. So because I love him, that would be my goal along with my own companionship. I'd wait to date, for his mental health, probably a year. Otherwise I would start looking immediately, hanging out with people in a neutral fashion. Bike Clubs, hiking club, at the local restaurant (very small town here) etc...
A "family unit intact" is with *his* father and mother. No matter what care you might take to replace his father, there's no guarantee that they would have a father-son type of relationship. Especially as he is already an adult.
Also, your husband is alive. It doesn't sound like you're contemplating divorce. Are you really saying that if your husband died tomorrow, as long as your son didn't object, you'd start "looking immediately"? So you could have an "intact" family? Does your husband know?
Because the mother has graciously allowed her grown daughter to move back in her house, even though she is in a romantic relationship.
Seems that the OP is even offended when they hold hands, so now I'm even less inclined to believe that their "at home" behavior is truly inappropriate.
I think it's mostly just misplaced jealousy or envy. OP needs to spend more time focusing on her own future, school, job, relationships, apartment.
We also have not heard any concrete evidence that what the mother and her boyfriend are doing is wrong. They have been dating a year now. It is not like mom is bringing home a revolving door of men. She found a man she likes. It also sounds like they do not even live together, so the OP is hardly subject to this 24/7.
For some background I am 26 and live with my mom while going to school. For a little over a year now she has been in a relationship with a younger man, 30. Now she is 43. Honestly, I think it is gross not just because she is with a man more my age
We also have not heard any concrete evidence that what the mother and her boyfriend are doing is wrong. They have been dating a year now. It is not like mom is bringing home a revolving door of men. She found a man she likes. It also sounds like they do not even live together, so the OP is hardly subject to this 24/7.
We don't know this. I didn't conclude this from what the OP's posted so far. I agree, that clarification from the OP on various counts would be helpful. If the OP has dropped out of the thread at this point, I wouldn't blame her, though.
We don't know this. I didn't conclude this from what the OP's posted so far. I agree, that clarification from the OP on various counts would be helpful.
People normally lead with the worst offense........
It's not like they start a thread on their husband forgetting to pick up his socks, and mentions 20 pages later that he beats her 4 days a week.
Pretty safe to say that if she had worse, she would share it.
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For some background I am 26 and live with my mom while going to school. For a little over a year now she has been in a relationship with a younger man, 30. Now she is 43. Honestly, I think it is gross not just because she is with a man more my age but they are very open about it, as in they will kiss and make out even when I am around. It really bothers me and I have told her but she just says "it's my house I can do what I want" "you can't dictate who I am involved with" etc.
Now due to financial difficulty I did move back in after she was in this "relationship" but still, shouldn't she see how I view it as her daughter and tone it way down? The guy she is with is nice and everything but it's not fun seeing this.
Your mom is right. Leave your Mom alone.
She gave up her "sowing her wild oats" years when she had you at 17 years old.
You are 26, far too old to be living at home with your mom. As an adult if you do not like your surrounding move.
For all those saying "just move out" I can't. I don't make enough and I am busy with school. I just think that she should be putting me, her daughter first, and realize how uncomfortable it is.
43 is still very young! You sound slightly jealous that she is having a ball in her life and you may not be. You are 26 years old.... A GROWN WOMAN. Why should she put you first? She still has your best interest in mind because she let you move back in to save money. Instead of knit picking her for playing laser tag, be grateful of her kindness in helping you further your education so one day YOU can live the life YOU want. She is done raising you. She gets to focus on her now after the years of sacrifice she has made for you. Why can't you be happy that she is happy? You say the guy is nice.
Last edited by Sweet Ambrosia; 03-16-2018 at 01:54 PM..
Well, I disagree with everyone but the OP. Just because it's her mother's house doesn't mean it's appropriate to have make-out sessions throughout the day in full view. It wouldn't kill them to be a little more discreet. Would that be inconvenient to them? Sure, but the world doesn't revolve around them, either. There's such a thing as decency and discretion.
Notice the combative response the mom gave. There seems to be more going on, or more to the mother-daughter relationship, or more to the mom's psychology, than one might think at face value. A kiss is one thing, but making out in front of one's adult kids, or pawing each other, is strange. Would it inconvenience them to have to confine their expressions of affection to more out-of-the-way rooms of the house, for the duration of the OP's extended stay at home? Yes. But that's what we do, out of consideration to others, especially between family members, whom we ostensibly care about. The OP's mom doesn't seem to have a very caring relationship with the OP. I'm sure there's a story behind that.
OP, some moms are so relieved to finally be empty-nesters, that they don't want their kids to bounce back to them, once they go off to college. Some of those moms don't have good bonds with their kids. That's just the way it is. Sounds like you scored such a mom. Plus, you happened to bounce back right in the middle of her finding happiness in a new relationship. Bad timing. Ideally, each of you would cut the other some slack and reach a compromise, but it doesn't sound like she's interested in that. IDK what to tell you, but I hope you do well with your program, and find a great job when you're done, so you can get a nice place of your own. Sorry you have such a rude mom.
Yeah, actually, Mom's response makes her sound like a defiant teenager.
Yeah, actually, Mom's response makes her sound like a defiant teenager.
What comes around goes around. The mom must have been a defiant teenager herself.
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