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So you plan a mini vacation to get away from the kids and end up taking the neighbors? Isn't that something? What possesses people to invite themselves. I now know that I will never mention any plans I'm making to her again in casual conversation. You just don't dream someone would invite themselves!!
YES! I have since said we will never tell anyone where we're going till the day before we leave, if at all! LOL
The original text said would you and Ms. V (my daughter) like to meet at Butch's pizza for dinner on Friday after work? We can have dinner there or we can have dinner at my place and order in. I took this as an invite to dinner. Personally, when I invite someone out to dinner, I pay. If I'm suggesting my home for dinner then to me, it's really no question as to who pays. I can't see inviting you over to my house to eat, order take out and oh by the way, pay the guy.
Am I wrong? The way I feel, it's a $5 pizza. I've taken her out to eat plenty of times. Did she really think it was asking too much to reciprocate a pizza? I could've gone straight home after work and I would've been just fine. It was a Friday and I was exhausted! To not even bring it up at all while we were there leaves me to believe she expected me to order it and pay for it. Why invite me to dinner? I have plenty of food in the fridge at home.
This does not sound like an "invitation" where one party is hosting another but rather a query about friends meeting up to share a meal. I both send and receive similar invitations and it has never been considered anything but that. Each party pays their own way. An invitation as you describe is clearly stated as such "I'd love to take you out for your birthday - are you free on Friday?
I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.
OP, you own a cabin and can afford to take 1,400 mile car rides. Your friend is living hand to mouth and can barely afford to go see her family 2 hours away. Do you think maybe SHE thinks you are the rich one in the relationship and can afford to pay a bit more of, or even all of your joint adventures?
Are you male or female? I know, I know, it shouldn't make a difference in this day and age...
Last edited by rugrats2001; 03-27-2018 at 09:18 PM..
OP, you own a cabin and can afford to take 1,400 mile car rides. Your friend is living hand to mouth and can barely afford to go see her family 2 hours away. Do you think maybe SHE thinks you are the rich one in the relationship and can afford to pay a bit more of, or even all of your joint adventures?
Still doesn't mean she should expect anything, or that the OP should feel obligated to pay more. I used to run into that problem myself, where "friends" would think I could afford to carry them because my parents are wealthy... never mind the fact that I don't have access to their money, but even if I did, it would be my choice whether to share the wealth. Assuming or expecting otherwise can make someone feel used, and might even cause THEM to have money troubles down the road. It's rarely an endless pot, ya know?
I thought so too! This has bothered me so and she's still away visiting her family so I haven't been able to speak to her about it. But my Lord, even a frozen pizza would've been better than nothing!!
Yes....You are correct in feeling the way that you do.
I would change my trip plans with her. This "friend" doesn't have even basic consideration for you or your child. A trip with someone that heartless would be a disaster imo.
Take some time, or ask others on this forum for some creative ways to tell her that you've decided to decline her inviting herself along on your pending trip.
An hour and a half wasted.......Your poor kid must have been famished.
I used to have a whole freezer dedicated to after school snacks when my boys were in school. LOL....All the neighborhood boys would come home with them, not cheap....but, at least I knew where my kids were
I never expect anyone to pay for me so I probably would have expected to pay 1/2 of the pizza? Unless she said beforehand "come over for pizza, my treat".
You should double check with her to make sure she has money for the trip. Just say something like "you have to pay your way on this trip (meals, hotels, whatever) as I will have me and my daughter to pay for".
This does not sound like an "invitation" where one party is hosting another but rather a query about friends meeting up to share a meal. I both send and receive similar invitations and it has never been considered anything but that. Each party pays their own way. An invitation as you describe is clearly stated as such "I'd love to take you out for your birthday - are you free on Friday?
I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.
I thought the same thing, that I was making a big deal out of nothing. That's why I didn't put it out there until 2 weeks after it happened. But it did bother me and plenty people agree that it's wrong to invite someone and their child to dinner and then not to even provide anything is a bit rude.
It's left me feeling a bit used because I really feel she was expecting me to pay for this and I've paid for plenty of meals. If you offer dinner, provide it.
I never expect anyone to pay for me so I probably would have expected to pay 1/2 of the pizza? Unless she said beforehand "come over for pizza, my treat".
You should double check with her to make sure she has money for the trip. Just say something like "you have to pay your way on this trip (meals, hotels, whatever) as I will have me and my daughter to pay for".
I'm definitely NOT taking her. I don't think she'll be able to afford this as her husband is the sole provider. I think I can discuss all the costs ahead of time but if she runs out of money, I'm going to be stuck with her. Besides, I haven't seen some of my siblings in years and I'm looking forward to connecting with them. My daughter doesn't even remember some of them. Who tags along on a family vacation / reunion?
OP, you own a cabin and can afford to take 1,400 mile car rides. Your friend is living hand to mouth and can barely afford to go see her family 2 hours away. Do you think maybe SHE thinks you are the rich one in the relationship and can afford to pay a bit more of, or even all of your joint adventures?
Are you male or female? I know, I know, it shouldn't make a difference in this day and age...
I was very fortunate and blessed to be able to sell MY home in NY and the 4 story Brownstone in NY my siblings and I owned within a year of each other. Don't get me wrong there were times when I could barely afford the mortgage on my home. However, I took that money from the sale and invested a good amount of it and purchased land. When I made this purchase she and her husband joined me cause I wasn't dragging my child alone to meet some realtor in the middle of the woods. I built a cabin on this land to secure my retirement. Right now, my finances are secure and I have no debt (but anything can change). I don't spend frivolously. I rarely eat out as most food is garbage and I'm in my late 40's and I don't burn calories the way I use to!! I cook almost every day of the week. However, I do have a regular job, I rent an apartment and pay all my bills alone. I'm a single mom. Being in a better financial situation doesn't mean that I should have to be the one to pay for everything every time we go out. In the past I have paid for meals because I made the invite. I just feel that if she invites me for dinner at her place there shouldn't be this awkwardness about who's ordering or paying for a $5 pizza. If she can't afford the pizza, how the heck can she afford to travel for 21 days? It starts to feel like my financial situation is something she can benefit from, whether its meals or a vacation. It's a real horrible feeling.
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I cook almost every day of the week. However, I do have a regular job, I rent an apartment and pay all my bills alone. I'm a single mom. Being in a better financial situation doesn't mean that I should have to be the one to pay for everything every time we go out. In the past I have paid for meals because I made the invite. I just feel that if she invites me for dinner at her place there shouldn't be this awkwardness about who's ordering or paying for a $5 pizza. If she can't afford the pizza, how the heck can she afford to travel for 21 days? It starts to feel like my financial situation is something she can benefit from, whether its meals or a vacation. It's a real horrible feeling.
