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More like learning something important each week. A time to socialize and talk with one another. People help each other out outside the church. My kids are at church right now.I am home with my sick wife. People come by sometimes and look in on my wife and bring food. I have needed a ride when I needed surgery and people from the church helped out.
People at my work don't talk much.They do talk about drinking a lot. I find social media and people staring at their phones like zombies to be negative.
It also changes as you get older.I come home tired and talk with my family.Try to get projects done and unwind. I would guess many people hang out at bars. The bar thing was popular in Europe when I was there.People seemed to have little in the way of hobbies. Church was totally absent in Holland. I think people without money have friends they hang out with.People with a little cash have hobbies.
I think its kind of hard to put everyone in a box and folks are different wherever you go.
I went to Mass every week for 18 years. It was not a time or place for socializing. You'd talk to people for five minutes afterwards on the walk back to the car, then it was a rush back home to watch football (assuming 12 PM Mass and football season, but you get the idea). Although I admit it'd probably be a different experience now, were I involved in a church as a believing adult...but maybe not at that particular church. People were friendly, and there were certainly dinners and bingo nights and other activities that were held from time to time, but...as far as I know, my family didn't make any actual friends through the church. The church-affiliated school was a different story...my mother made some friends with other parents through encounters at the after-school program or because I'd become friends with the kids of said parents....
I think I'd do pretty well in Europe. Aside from how secular it is in general, bargoing/drinking in general is pretty much my favorite hobby and has been ever since I started drinking. Buffalo (where I've lived my whole life) is a drinking town but the populace often leaves something to be desired. Not sure how adults don't get sick of their hobbies; I'm 31 and feel like just about everything that one might do while sober is somewhat boring at this point. Can't imagine how i'll feel at 51, assuming I'm 'lucky' enough to survive to that point. Which is why I agree with the OP that spontaneity is crucial, because anything organized gets old once you've done it enough times.
Last edited by Matt Marcinkiewicz; 04-01-2018 at 01:53 PM..
I must have missed where we were talking about rural areas.
We weren't, I was just mentioning as it applies to me.
I'm gong to agree with many other people that dropping in on someone is very rude. You should never go anywhere without calling someone first. I do think it's nice to plan things out as well.
One aspect that has not been addressed here is the one I've seen in three states now. I've lived in rural states so maybe this is different, but I've noticed people don't relocate like they used to. They don't relocate long term and they only leave their states if it is absolutely necessary when they are single. It seems that a lot of people just move right back home after college. Because of this they're falling back in with their high school crowd. Mix this in with getting married and your life completely revolving around your special snowflakes and you've got a lousy social culture.
I'm not going to read 6 pages of numerous posts ~ I'll just give my input with risk of repeating.
I have heard from a few travelers about how Europeans (mostly France) commonly meet after work at cafes and pubs to socialize, yet not here.
For one thing, I believe Americans work more hours than most of Europe ~ correct? And that would make a big difference to how much play-time one feels after putting in a day's work. Plus, some cultures have longer lunch hours. Many Americans are stressed in their jobs, and when the shift ends they just want to get away from people. The weekends are all they have. This is partly why spontaneity does not work so well here.
This is also such a diverse country of different cultural backgrounds, some of which I'm sure is not big on the type of socializing that some European countries do.
I was stationed in sicily for a year and a half. The culture is much more relaxed. People would go out to the town square and sit and chat - so I guess no dropping in at home
Businesses would close for several hours during the middle of the day. They ate dinner late at night. It was nice.
Just read 6 pages of this thread. Spontaneity, social networks, social culture seem to be the theme.
As already stated, it comes down to the suburban phenomenon and use of cars, family life, and busy schedules. Everyone lives far away from each other.
You go to a bar, club, concert, sporting event, strike up a friendly conversation and you can't hangout with this person ever again because they have a family at home, live in a suburb 45 minutes away, and are far too busy working. I have coworkers and they all have families, no way would I be able to hangout with any of them outside of an occasion lunch.
If you really want social networks, just go online and search for them in your local area. They're out there. Car clubs, fishing clubs, NFL clubs, NBA clubs, pool clubs, bowling clubs, gun clubs, etc. you can find them.
Theoretically, even this message board is a form of a club where people all come together to share ideas and express opinions. But yes, human interaction in america is generally very low.
church is easily the biggest social events people go to every week
Hmm? and I find church goers and religious zealots are often the biggest hypocrites of all
If your square peg doesn't fit into their round mold, then you aren't welcome into their little social cliques.
I am in my early seventies. I have three or four really close friends left from my childhood. We have one thing in common, we shared childhood experiences. I don't travel after driving big rigs OTR for close to thirty years. Three of these child hood friends have dropped in for visits with me but our usual contact is by phone. Logistics is the issue.
I have several College friends and the phone is the way we keep in touch. The girls I dated in College have married and moved on and it would probably be inappropriate to keep in touch with them. Most of the Male friends I made during College have careers and families and we have not shared work experiences and have different interests.
A few of my friends were from work experiences but when you move on you usually lose contact unless you shared other activities.
Most of MY long term friendships are with acquaintances (sic?) I have shared common hobbies or interests with over the years. Hobbies like shooting, hunting, fishing, Church or a common interest in reading. Actually almost all of my long time Female friends were developed because of our shared book experience. Books or the ability to carry on a conversation seems to be the key element in most of my friendships.
I currently live in my small hometown. I've bounced around between my small, isolated hometown area in northeast TN, a major Midwestern metro, a mid-sized Midwestern metro, and metro Boston.
I think the OP's statements are completely true. I'm 31. I can't remember the last time I just spontaneously met someone (aside from my uncle and some of his friends for a beer) without planning it well in advance.
I took a half day off a few Fridays ago. A buddy of mine from high school, who does not work, kept wanting to plan everything out just to meet for a quick lunch. I haven't seen him since last year. We lived a couple miles apart. We used to see each other every week or so. I have several other friends like that. My God, how hard is it to stop by Jersey Mike's sometime between 11-1 for lunch?
I've been back here in my hometown for a little over a year and a half now. I've dated some, but I haven't made any new friends that I didn't have before I left the area. I spent 2012-2016 out of the area. I'm virtually a stranger in my hometown. Almost everyone I grew up with is now married with kids.
I understand what you're saying. For many in the US that's the only way things are so it might not seem like a problem or issue to some.
I really think the media has a huge hold on the US. We turn on the TV and see how we're "supposed" to be so our behavior shifts until we are as close to that (the perfect person, family, group of friends). We'll never actually be there so happiness will elude us. We can blame that family that has a kid with the runny nose. *shudder* who invited them? We can blame anyone but ourselves - which is another plague on our country - selfishness. We want what we want and we want it now. And it better make me look good if not perfect. I can pet the nice horse in my cowboy boots and chuckle nervously if I step in mud or (yuck) manure but don't show any of the dirt in the pictures that will go immediately on social media. I'm a cowgirl today!! But a gym rat tomorrow - with the best work out gear. I'll shop and show you my $400 purse that I may or may not decide to keep - what do you think? I'll do my makeup like that (bratty, narcissistic) popular singer and I HAVE to get a tattoo like her!
It's sad, the importance on STUFF and not on people. How many times have you heard people on here say "do NOT drop by my house. NEVER EVER. Always call first and see if I have time to visit with you"
Of course, in your societies, OP, you probably value your elders, and actually enjoy raising families WITH CHILDREN!
Hmm? and I find church goers and religious zealots are often the biggest hypocrites of all
If your square peg doesn't fit into their round mold, then you aren't welcome into their little social cliques.
You're generalizing in a rather small-minded way. Of course there's some truth as with all generalizations but just because some are idiots in our society, doesn't mean all are idiots.
As far as dropping in (and I am surprised no one mentioned this), am I the only one that usually hangs out in home in pajamas? If someone rings my door, I have to run upstairs first and get changed as my pajamas are flimsy and see through, but very comfy! My father in law used to do this, and we used to have to scream "hold on" and run upstairs to change. Plus then we have to grab the dogs and make sure they don't jump on any quests. It makes us look unprepared and out of sorts...because we were not ready for company. Not everyone is properly clothes and ready for company at any given notice. Forget even having beverages on hand for guests to drink, we don't always have beer, diet soda, etc. on hand because we don't drink them. We always have water though.
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