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B/c you're suggesting she should convert and her sister should do it. #3 is best.
Exactly. Either the family is Catholic and the sister became Evangelical, and the family is Evangelical and your friend converted to Catholicism. Whichever is the case, she's made her choice and is probably happy with it. (Not to mention the fact that she and her sister may have already discussed this issue.) Stay out of it.
If you want to meet her family and have her meet yours, I see nothing wrong with that, but it's one thing to issue an invite and another to request one. Next time your family has some kind of get-together, like a cookout or party, ask her to come, and then let her decide how to proceed.
So I don't know what country you're from. I'm from America and will address the questions asked through the lens of my cultural context.
The first thing I think we need to find out is what is your goal for your relationship with her? Do you want to become more than friends? Do her brothers and sisters do something where it would make sense to network with them?
I'll address your different situations as though you want to remain friends and you have a reason for wanting to network with her brothers and sisters.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrJester
1. I told her that I would like to meet her brothers, sisters. You know, we're all in the same field, so we could network.
If you're relatively good friends with her and in conversation her brothers and/or sisters come up, I don't think it would be all that weird to say: "I would like to meet them sometime, they sound like they are very good at X and Y topics that I am interested in"
So this one really depends on how close you are to her. If you've only spoke a few times, I think it might be seen as weird to try to meet her brothers and sisters.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrJester
2. I want to go over to her house, get to know her family, have a nice chat. Or vice versa: my parents and brother could introduce themselves to her if she comes over to my house.
Asking to go to her house most of the time would seem pushy. In general, you shouldn't invite yourself to someone's house. People don't like feeling like their privacy is invaded and it's highly likely that it could come off this way.
If you have been talking to her for a while you could invite her to your home for dinner or something similar. Where I'm from, if you invite a girl to meet your family, that would be seen as though you have romantic interest in her though. So if that's not your goal, you may want to be careful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrJester
3. I want to watch a movie together (just us two, going to the cinemas)
This is the least awkward out of your options. If you're good friends, it should be easy to simply say "Hey, I was gonna go see this movie, would you like to accompany me?"
If you are not that close of friends, this could be seen as asking her on a date. If you don't want it to be a date, it would be a good idea to clearly specify when you ask that it is not a date. Something like:
"Hey I was gonna go see this movie, would you like to go with me as a friend?"
So consider carefully whether you would like this relationship to be more than friends or not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrJester
4. We are friends on facebook. She is a Catholic, I am a conservative evangelical Christian. We have a friendly discussion about religion. She tells me that her (married) sister is also an evangelical Christian. So I send a facebook message to her (married) sister, introducing myself: "Hey, your sister and I are friends, had a nice chat about religion. You and I have similar religious views. Maybe you could introduce your sister to evangelical Christianity." (Gee, I'm half afraid that her husband will be jealous and thinks I'll do something with his wife...not that I would do anything like that).
Going back to my point earlier about people not liking their privacy invaded, this one should definitely be discarded. For a lot of people, one of the most private things in their life is their religion. If you ask her or her sister to change religions they are almost certain to become angry with you.
Also, at least where I'm from, it wouldn't be a good idea to privately message a married woman just to talk. She may be fine with it, but the husband might not be. If you don't need to talk to her for some reason, the best idea is to just not do it.
If it helps you can think of it like this. Invading peoples privacy is bad. The husband and his wife (your friends sister) have a very private relationship. From the husbands view, another man talking to his wife could easily be seen as invading on their private relationship. To maintain healthy channels of communication, it's best to just avoid this.
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I understand you have Aspergers and I don't know if some of these things might not make sense intuitively. I've tried to outline why you should or shouldn't take the approaches you've laid out. I caution you to take some of the other posts seen her with a grain of salt. Some people have a hard time stepping out of their own shoes and understanding that not everyone thinks the same way as they do.
No offense but you sound cluless and, as others have said, pushy. I'd tell my sister to stay away from you just based on these interactions. You seem like the type of guy they eventually make Dateline episodes about.
And I say this in all seriousness, you're clueless and a bit creepy.
Naw, he just has Asperger's. He's not creepy but he IS clueless and rather naïve.
#4 was way out of line. He reminds me of a relative I recently encountered, who has some of the same issues.
OP: it's fine to hang out with your friend, if she wants to hang out. It's okay to discuss religious topics with her - mind you, I said "discuss", which is a LOT different from a lengthy monologue or lecture about your own beliefs, esoteric details about religion or denominations, or why you think other versions are wrong and yours is right.
A discussion is a give and take, with the unspoken agreement to politely agree to disagree if need be.
Leave her sister out of it. Your "joke" was totally inappropriate and insulting - you may need to apologize to her sister, in fact, then back off and butt out.
Sometimes people with Asperger's have difficulty with humor and determining what's appropriate and what is not, it seems. My relative certainly does, cracking inane jokes about past family tragedies (I set him straight rather harshly, I fear).
So - if it seems funny to you, but concerns death, torture, the Holocaust, child or elder abuse, sadism or other perversions, illness, religion, sex and/or romance, politics, behavior disorders or mental illness or other sensitive topics, keep it to yourself unless you know others you're addressing share your views and beliefs. Just don't go there.
Talk about the weather, the scenery, your favorite food as long as it's not likely to be something others find disgusting, whatever movies you like, and so on. If you're not sure, keep your mouth shut.
Also, don't push to meet her family. You can ask about them, but don't bore in with intrusive questions that she might not feel comfortable answering. Just "What are your mom and dad like? Where did you grow up? Are they from there, or somewhere else?"
And let her answer - and listen to what she says, and ask her to clarify if you don't understand fully - before you plunge in with theories about how they came to be as they are (again, using my relative as a template here. This sort of thing may not be typical of you, but it is of him).
If you live with or close to your family, it would be okay to invite her to meet your folks casually, but be aware that she may take this to be more significant than you intend and may think you have romantic intentions, which could lead to her fleeing or behaving flirtatiously.
Maybe you could invite her to join you and your parents for dinner and a movie - something simple and informal. Most parents appreciate getting to know their adult children's friends, but don't expect your parents and the young lady and you to hang out all the time.
Good luck to you. Work on more self-awareness and social skills - there are books and websites which can help you, as can counseling which may be available through your college. Check them out.
Internet is a woman’s game -don’t play it -it’s rigged -you are just a toy there
Avoid bars-
Go take some art or dance classes -clean up, lose weight, dress nice
Show some interest in cats and plants -they teach you how to act -intense interest -nervous talking and movement makes cats go away -over or under watering harms plants -just like women -both plants and cats respond like women in many ways - we men do stupid creepy stuff and don’t understand why people avoid us
Internet is a woman’s game -don’t play it -it’s rigged -you are just a toy there
Avoid bars-
Go take some art or dance classes -clean up, lose weight, dress nice
Show some interest in cats and plants -they teach you how to act -intense interest -nervous talking and movement makes cats go away -over or under watering harms plants -just like women -both plants and cats respond like women in many ways - we men do stupid creepy stuff and don’t understand why people avoid us
Just gotta say - this is one of the funniest posts I've ever read on C-D. Not sure if it's deliberately so or not - but it's hilarious.
Off to water some women and meow at some plants...
(Huckleberry, I do think there's a grain of truth in this, but your comparisons are a hoot!).
Internet is a woman’s game -don’t play it -it’s rigged -you are just a toy there
Avoid bars-
Go take some art or dance classes -clean up, lose weight, dress nice
Show some interest in cats and plants -they teach you how to act -intense interest -nervous talking and movement makes cats go away -over or under watering harms plants -just like women -both plants and cats respond like women in many ways - we men do stupid creepy stuff and don’t understand why people avoid us
This was hilarious, I hate cats tho.... Some women are like dogs... Bite first , comfort and feel bad later . Be aware!
No offense but you sound cluless and, as others have said, pushy. I'd tell my sister to stay away from you just based on these interactions. You seem like the type of guy they eventually make Dateline episodes about.
And I say this in all seriousness, you're clueless and a bit creepy.
This guy has Asperger's, and has a hard time interpreting social cues, reading faces, etc. He asks these questions because he honestly doesn't know what's appropriate. He literally IS clueless...and he's asking.
OP, asking your friend to the movies is totally appropriate
Maybe down the road, it'll be appropriate to mention to her something like "I bet you have a neat family. I'd love to meet them sometime." And then let it go. If she wants you to meet her family, she'll introduce you to them.
It was NOT appropriate to approach your friend's sister about changing your friend's religion, even though I think I know where you were coming from. Since your friend is very well aware that her sister is an evangelical Christian, we can assume that the sister has already approached your friend on the topic, plus, it's rude to approach a stranger (to you) and just tell them what they should do. You're not their boss, you know what I mean?
This guy has Asperger's, and has a hard time interpreting social cues, reading faces, etc. He asks these questions because he honestly doesn't know what's appropriate. He literally IS clueless...and he's asking.
OP, asking your friend to the movies is totally appropriate
Maybe down the road, it'll be appropriate to mention to her something like "I bet you have a neat family. I'd love to meet them sometime." And then let it go. If she wants you to meet her family, she'll introduce you to them.
It was NOT appropriate to approach your friend's sister about changing your friend's religion, even though I think I know where you were coming from. Since your friend is very well aware that her sister is an evangelical Christian, we can assume that the sister has already approached your friend on the topic, plus, it's rude to approach a stranger (to you) and just tell them what they should do. You're not their boss, you know what I mean?
Best wishes. :-)
That's a very nice way to put things.
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