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My husband and I invited my inlaws for a weekeng get away. .
I forgot to add thatblast year they went on the same trip with the daughters family. We werent able to go. Maybe thats when they found out the baby cant tolerate long drive.
Do you have kids? I think it is easier to understand if you did. And whether you do or not, your last sentence probably answered your own question.
My wife and I did a trip with our 6-month old and my brother and his wife. It was an 8 hour trip. We were completely harried by the time we arrived. Our son did not do well in the car for that long. We did whatever we thought we could to placate him, but the trip was just too long. We were so keyed it up from it that it made all the shorter drives during that trip miserable.
It was simply too far to go with a small child. Or maybe we didn't know how to handle it. However, the next time we planned a vacation with my brother and his wife, we compromised. It was a two hour trip. And we all had a great time.
If your mother-in-law wants to do a trip and wants to be with her grandkid, then you should be understanding if the trip can't be too far. You could be upset that you put in all that planning, but you should consider if you asked them beforehand "hey, is 6 hours (or whatever) too far to go?"
Don't bear any grudges or jealousy towards the SIL and her baby, and forget about the SIL's manipulations if that's what's really going on. Don't turn this into a pissing contest between you and your SIL. It's not your problem to deal with, it's the MIL and FIL's problem and they are probably feeling guilty and pulled in two directions between their own son and daughter and respective grandchildren.
I agree with this. It sounds like you're going down the jealousy path that your in-laws are choosing the other grandchild over yours. Don't go down that path. I've seen it in my own family. It won't end well for you.
Be happy with your own family. If the in-laws only see your child 6 times a year, then that's it. It has nothing do with you or your child. It's not favoritism. It's just the way things are.
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OP, you don't mention a husband for your SIL. You only mention a SIL who lives with grandma and doesn't take care of the baby.
Let me offer this.
Your MIL is not worried about your son. He's fine. She's not as connected to him because he doesn't live with her, but basically your family is fine.
Her daughter is not fine, and she worries about her grandson's future. As it is she does all the care for this child, she's worried about her daughter also.
And she's trying to make the lives equal for her two grandsons. Yours is doing great. The other one, not so much, and it's kind of breaking her heart. So at least he can say he had a doting grandma.
Has her daughter always demanded/needed more attention than your husband?
That's the dynamic. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. The successful child gets less attention.
My husband and I invited my inlaws for a weekeng get away. Its my mother inlaw’s birthday and we wanted to do something special for her. Initially, the plan was a viethdat party but sge doesnt want a party and only wanted a birthday trip. We arranged everything including renting a van and booking the hotel suite. My husband’s sister and her family is also going. Weeks later his parents cancelled. The reason is because they said that their grandkid ( from my husbands sister) cant tolerate long drive. My husband just said “ok”. Im upset because we did all the planning and they just cancelled just its nothing. The trip is not till a month from now.
My husband and I also have a son and I feel that they only care about their other grandson what about their grandson thats also gonna go. Its like its not important for them that their other grandson is also going.
What are your guys thoughts? Do I have the right to b upset? Thanks.
I forgot to add thatblast year they went on the same trip with the daughters family. We werent able to go. Maybe thats when they found out the baby cant tolerate long drive.
Perhaps they were expecting a quiet weekend at your home. And, the fact that they already did the same trip last year....maybe they didn't enjoy all the extra travel either.
I'm not sure what you said to your husband....you didn't say. But, you cannot control other people. You'll have to get over your mad....it isn't your husband's fault. He did what adults do....accept what others say and do gracefully. You should do the same.
You can cancel the trip....likely it is only cancelling reservation and cancelling the van. Just have a nice get-together at home, or in a local park for your families to enjoy.
You are being ridiculous. The baby was 6 months old last year. Needs change and little kids can go from being sweet one moment to a terror the next just due to development. It is normal! They only went with a baby one time! Maybe they hated it and are relieved not to be going. Perhaps they will plan to go for their anniversary. Alone. Does the SIL have a husband? He is also responsible for watching the child, not just the SIL. It isn’t fair to pin everything on her.
The baby not being able to go doesn't mean the grand parents can't go.
Do you have kids? I think it is easier to understand if you did. And whether you do or not, your last sentence probably answered your own question.
My wife and I did a trip with our 6-month old and my brother and his wife. It was an 8 hour trip. We were completely harried by the time we arrived. Our son did not do well in the car for that long. We did whatever we thought we could to placate him, but the trip was just too long. We were so keyed it up from it that it made all the shorter drives during that trip miserable.
It was simply too far to go with a small child. Or maybe we didn't know how to handle it. However, the next time we planned a vacation with my brother and his wife, we compromised. It was a two hour trip. And we all had a great time.
If your mother-in-law wants to do a trip and wants to be with her grandkid, then you should be understanding if the trip can't be too far. You could be upset that you put in all that planning, but you should consider if you asked them beforehand "hey, is 6 hours (or whatever) too far to go?"
They know how far the trip was. They go on the same trip every year the same month except this year because thet cancelled. Last year, they brought the baby with thrm so they are aware how the baby was during the trip. They should have considered that before agreeing to the plan. Like what I said the trip wasnt my idea, it was theirs. My husband and I just offered them the trip for my MIL 60th birthday.
My mother and father in law do the same trip every year except last year when they went with the daughter and her family. The grandson is a normal baby. He is 1 1/2 years old. My son is two. The daughter and her husband and son live with them. My mom ges along with them but not that close.
As of now, no plans. I dont want to get incolved in planning anything as of this moment. My sister inlaw was the one that asked me to plan dor this birthday. Initially, it was supposed to be a party. But my sister inlaw said no more party but rather just a family trip. Im upset because I already made arrangements for that then I had to cancel. This time, its the same thing. I made arrangements for hotel and transportation and Inhave to cancel both of them.
My husband said he would talk to his family. Thays the reason why I got mad at him because he acted like its ok. I just feel that their being inconsiderate of the work weve done to celebrate this birthday.
Yeah...after the further explanation, I'd be aggravated too. And I would certainly not be the one making plans anymore.
I've been involved in stuff like that before...making reservations, deposits, deadlines, etc. and it can get crazy. Sometimes it's like herding kittens, trying to get everyone on the same page. I'd be super aggravated if it happened to me TWICE like it did to you. I would've been like (to my husband) "Yeah. I'm not doing all the planning anymore. I'm out."
OP, you don't mention a husband for your SIL. You only mention a SIL who lives with grandma and doesn't take care of the baby.
Let me offer this.
Your MIL is not worried about your son. He's fine. She's not as connected to him because he doesn't live with her, but basically your family is fine.
Her daughter is not fine, and she worries about her grandson's future. As it is she does all the care for this child, she's worried about her daughter also.
And she's trying to make the lives equal for her two grandsons. Yours is doing great. The other one, not so much, and it's kind of breaking her heart. So at least he can say he had a doting grandma.
Has her daughter always demanded/needed more attention than your husband?
That's the dynamic. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. The successful child gets less attention.
I agree that this may be a possibility. My mom compensated a lot for their first grandson, my sisters son. She had to move in with my mom and dad and they felt bad for their situation. It’s not because they don’t love your child too, they do and they know he has a secure home with both a mommy and daddy so they know he’s ok.
Not saying a child can’t be secure in a single home, just sometimes others have a hard time adjusting at first.
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