A brother or sister you have not talked to in years is in hospital 500 miles away dying- would you visit? (personalities, issues)
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It is your wife's decision. I always encourage families to stick together, so I would advise her to go, but to make a phone call first. But if she is adamant on not going, let it be.
No. There is a significant reason siblings would lose communication. Different personalities does not cut it as a good reason. They mutually chose to cut contact so they are out of each other's lives. It's crazy to choose now at this late time to have a relationship.
THIS ^^^^^^
I feel the same because I have a twin sister and we never ever got along or really even liked one another. She is a narcissist and a back-stabbing liar and totally untrustworthy. We haven't spoken in at least 13 years. I miss her not! I'm sure she feels the same toward me and hey, that's cool. I'm sure one of the cousins will call either her or I one day to say the other has died. Que Sera Sera.........
My wife has a sister she has not talked to in ten years who is in a hospital dying of cancer. I understand the sister will likely die within a month. The dying sister is in a hospital 500 miles away from where we live.
I asked my wife why she does not call her sister up on the phone or plan a trip to visit her. My wife said, "why should I, we have not talked to each other for the last ten years when she was well, why now?"
The sister dying of cancer and my wife never had a major blow up but just had a cold distant relationship. Nothing in common and their personalities did not match, so they just stopped communicating.
I don't know what to make of it. On one hand, if siblings don't talk to each other for ten years when they are healthy, maybe making an effort when one of them is dying is hypocritical. But maybe when someone is dying, that is a time to be an adult and make amends.
What about you? If you had a brother or sister you had such a distant cold relationship with that you had not talked to them in ten years, would you drive 500 miles to visit them at the hospital on their death bed?
Yes, I would. Without reading anything else, I say yes. Don't let your wife let her sister pass without going to see her. No matter why they have not spoken to one another.
I don’t understand that lack of compassion or empathy at all. Even if they didn’t keep in touch ,had nothing in common, didn’t love each other , there seems to be no compassion. Ugh!
Yep, it's baffling! Family is family. If you can't count on your own family, who the hell can you count on? I grew up with some nutty siblings but they are the gunfight at the OK Coral crew! They will always be there for me and I will always be there for them if they need me. So I can't even begin to comprehend this mentality.
when she told me she'd adopted 2 kids, but didn't want them to meet me.
That was a very rough thing she said to you. It must have really hurt. I don't blame you for wanting to abide by her wishes. It's impossible to know whether she will ever see the light, and change her mind. It would be a good thing if she would ever come to see what a foolish thing she has done.
Maybe the sick sister doesn't want the visit. Maybe she has a different story of why they were estranged.
It is too late for this and I agree with another poster that it is theatrics, that one should sweep in at the end and make some kind of amends without ever having tried while they were alive and well. This could thoroughly upset the dying person, how about that.
I don't care what my past was with my sibling. And I know that a last minute visit with that sibling on their deathbed doesn't make amends for anything. But I would forever be ashamed and disappointed with myself if I did not go to visit, and for me it's as simple as that. There are reasons that family members separate, sometime live a life of hatred towards each other. But once that person leaves the earth, it's over. I would visit for me as a acknowledgement that I always knew I had a sibling and not for some reason like rekindling the relationship at the last minute. And hopefully my sibling in their final hours might actually appreciate the gesture as their life comes to a close.
No. There is a significant reason siblings would lose communication. Different personalities does not cut it as a good reason. They mutually chose to cut contact so they are out of each other's lives. It's crazy to choose now at this late time to have a relationship.
Having compassion doesn’t require having a relationship. People have compassion all the time for strangers, or conworkers, the neighbour down the street. To have absolutely no compassion , or any empathy and not even send a card speaks of a very cold heart.
DH has instructions from me to not contact any member of my birth family should I be incapacitated or deceased. We had a thoughtful discussion about this. I told him I understand that he would need emotional support but he needed to know that it would never come from my family. They are emotionally stunted people. They would only show up to see what they could get.
He has a sister, who he has gotten closer to since their mother died, and he should lean on her.
Now, would I talk to my own estranged sibling if she were dying? I don't know. She's resented me bitterly for years, despite being the Golden Child and getting the entirety of what parental affection was on offer. The only times she talks to me is when she wants something. I can say without reservation that if she were willing to put her grievances aside, we could have a sister relationship. But she isn't and apparently won't.
So I guess the answer is No. It would be a long trip to make only to be insulted and belittled again.
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